This year my husband and I have gone through an extended period of trial where our faith and reliance on God has been tested. In the past, whenever we needed a boost in income due to a child added to the family, student loans needing to be repaid, a necessary new car, etc., God has been faithful in providing us with just enough income to meet our needs. Each time my husband has received a timely promotion, increased bonus, or other compensation that covers the deficiency in our monthly expenses. This was a huge blessing to us and we used it as a testimony to others about God's provisions. When I became pregnant this time with our 3rd child, we knew that we would need another extra boost. We anticipated that God would come through this time in much the same way he always had before. We were overjoyed in March when my husband was promised that a new position would be created for him at work giving him an opportunity to use his law degree in addition to his financial background. Months and months went by with countless meetings, interviews, and promises made to my husband by his superiors. Still nothing, no new job, no additional compensation. We began to worry and grew anxious and frustrated. Months later we learned the position promised to him was given to someone else. We learned that man's promises were fickle. We were devastated. We prayed and leaned more on God and he comforted us and reminded us, "I am your God and I am faithful. Do not be afraid. I will provide. But my timing is not your timing. I know what is best for you. Be patient and persevere. Trust in me and do not falter." And now, nine months later, God has shown us again how faithful he is with his fulfillment of promises. Not in the way that we originally expected, and definitely not according to our timeline, but nonetheless he fulfilled it with a job that is better than the one promised earlier by men. We are so humbled and so thankful! Praise Him! What an early Christmas present this has been for us!
As Christmas draws near in the next couple of days, I am thinking a lot about God and his promises. I won't go into all the details now, but suffice it to say the Bible is full of them. From Old Testament to New Testament, we see that God is ever faithful. Nothing is impossible with God, so when he makes a promise, we see again and again that he can suspend the laws of nature to fulfill the promise (e.g., Abraham and Sarah, Zechariah and Elizabeth, all conceiving sons in their old age, the virgin birth). We see that His promises are always kept, but are kept according to His perfect time and always to fulfill His divine purposes. These purposes are always for his glory and to our benefit even if we don't see it immediately as such.
I don't believe it is a coincidence that God's fulfillment of the promise to our family regarding my husband's job and provisions coincide so perfectly with Christmas. It is as though God is reminding us and highlighting his ultimate promise: the birth of Jesus Christ who is our Savior. God's nature never changes. He is the same then and now. Jesus' humble birth and beginnings in the manger don't seem like much, but it was foretold and promised by prophets of old. Beginning in Genesis (written 1450-1410 BC) we already see the first foreshadowing of Christ and how he will be born of woman and eventually defeat Satan by rising from the dead (Genesis 3:15). The Messiah was to be born from the tribe of Judah (Genesis 49:10) and was to be born in the town of Bethlehem (Micah 5:1-2, written 750-686 BC) and was to be a descendant of David (Jeremiah 23:5, written 626-586 BC). Nearly 700 years before the birth of Christ, the prophet Isaiah also foreshadowed the virgin birth: "the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel (Isaiah 7:14)." There are hundreds more prophecies throughout the Old Testament such as these. Jesus fulfilled each and every one. Even experts agree that the probability of one individual fulfilling all these prophecies is beyond chance, leaving only one possible explanation: divine intervention. Jesus truly is the foretold Messiah. Hence, Jesus was the greatest demonstration of God fulfilling his promises to mankind.
If God can suspend the laws of nature and design everything to fulfill his promises of bringing us a savior who will die for us on the cross and give us everlasting life, God can fulfill everyday promises to you and I! This is the true Christmas gift. That nothing is impossible with God. He brought us Jesus and promises to provide for us who believe in his son always and forever. Merry Christmas, Everyone!
Friday, December 23, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Darkness and Light
Yesterday was a dreary day, both literally (as it rained all day) but also figuratively (as my soul cried out to the Lord). The details of life that transpired yesterday were really no different from most days. I think what was different was the cummulative effect of countless sleepless nights; not having a break the weekend prior because my husband was out of town; and not taking the time yesterday to recharge my spiritual batteries. Yesterday I was forgetful. I was irritable. I was impatient. I was ashamed. I was weary.
Have you had days like that? Nothing out of the ordinary really happened, it was just the attitude or general tone of the day that somehow led to things getting out of control. I lost my temper with my children more than once and felt awful about it. By the time my husband got home, I was sitting on the coach on the verge of tears. I had been trying to hold them back so the girls would not see me upset. He took one look at me and asked what was wrong. I could not reply because I could not pinpoint it myself at that moment. I left him with the children and ran upstairs before the floodgates opened -- and boy did they open wide! Before I knew it I was curled up in bed sobbing uncontrollably. My husband came up for a moment to check that everything was ok, saw that it wasn't, kissed me softly on my forehead, left the room and turned off the lights. He knows me well. He knows that I prefer to cry in the dark because the light hurts my eyes when I am crying.
Once the crying subsided, I struggled to make sense of it. I realized that I was feeling overwhelmed and tired. I realized that I had not been praying and focused on God as much as I usually do. I realized that all the parental mistakes I was making that day was making me feel like a bad mother. I was feeling unappreciated, misunderstood, and unloved. That was when I felt an amazing thing. I felt the comforting embrace of the Lord as if he was right there on the bed beside me. It was unmistakeable. I felt him soothing me and whispering to my heart, "You are loved! You are beautiful to me, and I know you! I understand you!".
I then realized that what I had been trying to do in the dark was to hide myself. I was ashamed of my feelings and instead of taking them to the Lord, I was trying to hide from him. I realized that like so many people, I had been holding on to this misconception that as a devoted Christian I needed to portray myself as happy and as "together" as possible. It wasn't so much that I was looking for other people's approval, thankfully I have gotten better about that. In a way I was seeking God's approval. I was trying to present a better version of myself to him always. I know that my salvation does not depend on what I do, instead my faith in Jesus is enough. Unfortunately, sometimes self-doubt creeps in and taints the joy. Jesus said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life (John 8:12)." Identifying himself as the light has so many spiritual meanings. One of them is that the light reveals everything. We can hide in the darkness, but we cannot hide in the light as easily. I realized that there was no need for me to hide for Jesus knows my heart and he loves me despite all my flaws.
Yesterday after my cry-fest. I felt the Holy Spirit urging me to get up and get a book I have been slowly making my way through. It's called A Perfect Mess: Why You Don't Have to Worry About Being Good Enough for God by Lisa Harper. I flipped through it again and chapter 3 caught my attention. It was exactly what I needed at that moment. The author quotes Marva Dawn, "Unfortunately, often our faith doesn't penetrate to our unfavorable feelings about ourselves." When we feel as though we don't measure up; that people don't understand us; when we are ashamed and want to hide; when we feel we are unloved and unworthy, and just ugly inside and out; we need only turn to the Lord's word. This is what Psalm 139 says:
1 You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
God knows Me and he delights in Me. He knows what my thoughts and feelings are before I know them myself. He does not shy away from them and tells me I shouldn't either. He is empathetic and feels my pain with me. He reminds me I am not alone. He tells me there is nowhere I can go that he will not be there with me. He will not leave me to wallow in my misery and choose darkness instead of the light that his son provides. He finds me beautiful and among his wonderful creations. And days like yesterday, even when I forget about him for a bit, he never forgets about me. He knew before I did how my day would go and he knew that I would need him. He knew how to comfort me and lift me up like no one else ever can. Even good Christians, including the biblical examples of Elijah and Jesus, sometimes have their dark moments. The key is turning those feelings over to the Lord.
Today I am so thankful for my loving God, his precious son, and for their everlasting love. God wants us to trust wholeheartedly in his love for us, especially during our dark moments. Will you trust as I'm learning to trust? Will you choose the light also?
Have you had days like that? Nothing out of the ordinary really happened, it was just the attitude or general tone of the day that somehow led to things getting out of control. I lost my temper with my children more than once and felt awful about it. By the time my husband got home, I was sitting on the coach on the verge of tears. I had been trying to hold them back so the girls would not see me upset. He took one look at me and asked what was wrong. I could not reply because I could not pinpoint it myself at that moment. I left him with the children and ran upstairs before the floodgates opened -- and boy did they open wide! Before I knew it I was curled up in bed sobbing uncontrollably. My husband came up for a moment to check that everything was ok, saw that it wasn't, kissed me softly on my forehead, left the room and turned off the lights. He knows me well. He knows that I prefer to cry in the dark because the light hurts my eyes when I am crying.
Once the crying subsided, I struggled to make sense of it. I realized that I was feeling overwhelmed and tired. I realized that I had not been praying and focused on God as much as I usually do. I realized that all the parental mistakes I was making that day was making me feel like a bad mother. I was feeling unappreciated, misunderstood, and unloved. That was when I felt an amazing thing. I felt the comforting embrace of the Lord as if he was right there on the bed beside me. It was unmistakeable. I felt him soothing me and whispering to my heart, "You are loved! You are beautiful to me, and I know you! I understand you!".
I then realized that what I had been trying to do in the dark was to hide myself. I was ashamed of my feelings and instead of taking them to the Lord, I was trying to hide from him. I realized that like so many people, I had been holding on to this misconception that as a devoted Christian I needed to portray myself as happy and as "together" as possible. It wasn't so much that I was looking for other people's approval, thankfully I have gotten better about that. In a way I was seeking God's approval. I was trying to present a better version of myself to him always. I know that my salvation does not depend on what I do, instead my faith in Jesus is enough. Unfortunately, sometimes self-doubt creeps in and taints the joy. Jesus said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life (John 8:12)." Identifying himself as the light has so many spiritual meanings. One of them is that the light reveals everything. We can hide in the darkness, but we cannot hide in the light as easily. I realized that there was no need for me to hide for Jesus knows my heart and he loves me despite all my flaws.
Yesterday after my cry-fest. I felt the Holy Spirit urging me to get up and get a book I have been slowly making my way through. It's called A Perfect Mess: Why You Don't Have to Worry About Being Good Enough for God by Lisa Harper. I flipped through it again and chapter 3 caught my attention. It was exactly what I needed at that moment. The author quotes Marva Dawn, "Unfortunately, often our faith doesn't penetrate to our unfavorable feelings about ourselves." When we feel as though we don't measure up; that people don't understand us; when we are ashamed and want to hide; when we feel we are unloved and unworthy, and just ugly inside and out; we need only turn to the Lord's word. This is what Psalm 139 says:
1 You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
God knows Me and he delights in Me. He knows what my thoughts and feelings are before I know them myself. He does not shy away from them and tells me I shouldn't either. He is empathetic and feels my pain with me. He reminds me I am not alone. He tells me there is nowhere I can go that he will not be there with me. He will not leave me to wallow in my misery and choose darkness instead of the light that his son provides. He finds me beautiful and among his wonderful creations. And days like yesterday, even when I forget about him for a bit, he never forgets about me. He knew before I did how my day would go and he knew that I would need him. He knew how to comfort me and lift me up like no one else ever can. Even good Christians, including the biblical examples of Elijah and Jesus, sometimes have their dark moments. The key is turning those feelings over to the Lord.
Today I am so thankful for my loving God, his precious son, and for their everlasting love. God wants us to trust wholeheartedly in his love for us, especially during our dark moments. Will you trust as I'm learning to trust? Will you choose the light also?
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Counting Blessings
Today I volunteered with several friends and family members at Turkey Outreach. Along with hundreds of other volunteers we helped to pack approximately 7,000 boxes of Thanksgiving dinners for needy families in the DC Metropolitan area. It was such a humbling and amazing experience. Jesus said, "The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve and give his life for the ransom of many (Matthew 20:28)." It was a beautiful thing to see so many Christians following the example of Jesus and serving together outside on a cold Saturday morning. Not only were they serving the community, but they were serving God by sharing his love with the community. It was an awesome thing to witness how God can work in the hearts and lives of so many.
It is often difficult to differentiate a need from a want or desire. I want a bigger home. I desire a new minivan. I want for my husband to have a job with a bigger salary (to help finance the bigger house and car) and a job that he will really enjoy. I desire new shoes and new clothes. I do not NEED these things. Focusing on what I do not have takes me further from God and what Christ selflessly did for all of us on the cross. Today was an important reminder to count my many blessings instead of focusing on my wants and desires. I have a wonderful family: a loving husband and two beautiful girls, and another child on the way due in March. My pregnancy is going well and so far it doesn't look like I have developed gestational diabetes again. I have lots of extended family and friends that I can count on for support in every way imaginable. I have a home. I have a car. I am able to stay at home with my children while my husband works to support us. My family has enough food to eat and clothes to wear. My children have toys to play with. We are not in need. In fact, we are immeasurably blessed, probably more than we deserve!
Those 7,000 families who will be receiving the Thanksgiving boxes, they are the ones in need! God promises to always give us what we need if we trust and believe in his son. He tells us not to worry or be anxious about anything. "Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well (Matthew 6:33)." Yes, he will provide all that we need -- physically, emotionally, and spiritually. He knows what these things are more than we know ourselves. He knows what is best for us -- even if it doesn't appear that way at first. We don't have the ability to see and know everything as he does, so we may think something is to our benefit to only realize later that it is not. We often realize our so-called "needs" come with strings attached and result in negative consequences, including heavy regret.
The Apostle Paul wrote, "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength (Phillipians 4:11-13)." The secret is to lean and trust in God's plans and provisions despite the circumstances. The secret is counting our blessings, those that are obvious and those in disguise. I read a devotional that really touched me this week about a boy who was thankful for food he found in the trash because he was so hungry (http://devotions.proverbs31.org/2011/11/the-treasure-of-thrown-away-food.html?utm_source=encftdevo&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=encftdevo). Having plenty makes us take the little things for granted. But there truly is so much to be thankful for. For God is good and he has a plan and is watching out for each of us. We just need to have faith and trust in Him.
It is often difficult to differentiate a need from a want or desire. I want a bigger home. I desire a new minivan. I want for my husband to have a job with a bigger salary (to help finance the bigger house and car) and a job that he will really enjoy. I desire new shoes and new clothes. I do not NEED these things. Focusing on what I do not have takes me further from God and what Christ selflessly did for all of us on the cross. Today was an important reminder to count my many blessings instead of focusing on my wants and desires. I have a wonderful family: a loving husband and two beautiful girls, and another child on the way due in March. My pregnancy is going well and so far it doesn't look like I have developed gestational diabetes again. I have lots of extended family and friends that I can count on for support in every way imaginable. I have a home. I have a car. I am able to stay at home with my children while my husband works to support us. My family has enough food to eat and clothes to wear. My children have toys to play with. We are not in need. In fact, we are immeasurably blessed, probably more than we deserve!
Those 7,000 families who will be receiving the Thanksgiving boxes, they are the ones in need! God promises to always give us what we need if we trust and believe in his son. He tells us not to worry or be anxious about anything. "Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well (Matthew 6:33)." Yes, he will provide all that we need -- physically, emotionally, and spiritually. He knows what these things are more than we know ourselves. He knows what is best for us -- even if it doesn't appear that way at first. We don't have the ability to see and know everything as he does, so we may think something is to our benefit to only realize later that it is not. We often realize our so-called "needs" come with strings attached and result in negative consequences, including heavy regret.
The Apostle Paul wrote, "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength (Phillipians 4:11-13)." The secret is to lean and trust in God's plans and provisions despite the circumstances. The secret is counting our blessings, those that are obvious and those in disguise. I read a devotional that really touched me this week about a boy who was thankful for food he found in the trash because he was so hungry (http://devotions.proverbs31.org/2011/11/the-treasure-of-thrown-away-food.html?utm_source=encftdevo&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=encftdevo). Having plenty makes us take the little things for granted. But there truly is so much to be thankful for. For God is good and he has a plan and is watching out for each of us. We just need to have faith and trust in Him.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Perseverance in trials
These past few weeks I have witnessed many friends and family members going through tremendous trials in their lives: father-of-the-bride too sick with leukemia and pneumonia to walk his daughter down the aisle; the heartbreak of losing a beloved infant granddaughter; the agony of miscarriage; the anxiety that comes with having a very sick child and the endless ER and specialist appointments with still no answer; waiting ever so patiently for months and months for a job that has been promised but still not given. . . I cannot go into further details because these stories are not mine to share. However, the emotional, physical, and mental roller-coasters present in each of these situations are more than I can begin to imagine.
I have tried to be a loving, supportive friend to each and every person going through these hardships. I have been praying hard for each one and their respective circumstances and offering help when needed. When appropriate, I've also tried to offer encouragement about how God is still in control and watching out for them. That he loves them and is not far away. They may never understand his ways or his purposes, but they can trust that his plans are only for their good (Jeremiah 29:11). In focusing on how I could best help them, it never dawned on me until yesterday that through their experiences they were also teaching me valuable lessons about grace, perseverance, and resounding faith when facing trials.
To be honest, one of the most difficult spiritual disciplines for me to master is facing trials and tribulations with grace and perseverance. Although I'm working on it, by nature I will have to admit I'm a complainer. I've gotten a little better about not complaining and venting to friends, but my poor, dear husband probably has his ears full! Witnessing my friends and family go through difficult times without complaint; with smiles on their faces; counting their blessings instead of their losses; and with some of their eyes fixed completely on God, has really convicted me. It has made me aware of all the small little everyday things that I usually complain about. Sometimes I let these little things loom so big that they start seeming like a huge trial when in actuality they are not. I want to believe that when/ if I experience an actual BIG trial, I will face it with grace, perseverance, and faith. But if everyday circumstances can get me into an uproar, then I have lots more work to do! And perhaps that's what these little everyday 'tests' are for -- to help build up my character.
That is what James means when he wrote; "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1:2-4)." This statement echos the Apostle Paul who said, "We rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us, (Romans 5:2-5)." These verses do not say that as followers of Christ we are free from suffering and trial. They do not mean that we have to be happy about all the hardships we face. What they do mean is that when faced with trial, we can rejoice that the Holy Spirit can help us overcome it. He can give us the strength that we lack to persevere. He will lift us up and encourage us and comfort us. God's promise is that if we let him, he will use the negative circumstances in our lives to shape us and build up our character so that we can become more mature and strong. What is most comforting is that we can trust that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28)." This means that God can use the bad and turn it to good; it means he will always help us to find the 'silver lining' if we let him.
Dear Lord, my heart still goes out to those family and friends who are dealing with tremendous circumstances and difficulties, but I thank them for teaching me some valuable lessons today about perseverance in the face of trials. You know who they are, Lord. Please continue to lift them up and give them peace, comfort, and healing. And if it is your will, Lord, then let the negative circumstances be used for your glory; let them draw closer to you and let their testimonies be powerful ones that will help others to know of the hope that only you can give. Amen.
I have tried to be a loving, supportive friend to each and every person going through these hardships. I have been praying hard for each one and their respective circumstances and offering help when needed. When appropriate, I've also tried to offer encouragement about how God is still in control and watching out for them. That he loves them and is not far away. They may never understand his ways or his purposes, but they can trust that his plans are only for their good (Jeremiah 29:11). In focusing on how I could best help them, it never dawned on me until yesterday that through their experiences they were also teaching me valuable lessons about grace, perseverance, and resounding faith when facing trials.
To be honest, one of the most difficult spiritual disciplines for me to master is facing trials and tribulations with grace and perseverance. Although I'm working on it, by nature I will have to admit I'm a complainer. I've gotten a little better about not complaining and venting to friends, but my poor, dear husband probably has his ears full! Witnessing my friends and family go through difficult times without complaint; with smiles on their faces; counting their blessings instead of their losses; and with some of their eyes fixed completely on God, has really convicted me. It has made me aware of all the small little everyday things that I usually complain about. Sometimes I let these little things loom so big that they start seeming like a huge trial when in actuality they are not. I want to believe that when/ if I experience an actual BIG trial, I will face it with grace, perseverance, and faith. But if everyday circumstances can get me into an uproar, then I have lots more work to do! And perhaps that's what these little everyday 'tests' are for -- to help build up my character.
That is what James means when he wrote; "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1:2-4)." This statement echos the Apostle Paul who said, "We rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us, (Romans 5:2-5)." These verses do not say that as followers of Christ we are free from suffering and trial. They do not mean that we have to be happy about all the hardships we face. What they do mean is that when faced with trial, we can rejoice that the Holy Spirit can help us overcome it. He can give us the strength that we lack to persevere. He will lift us up and encourage us and comfort us. God's promise is that if we let him, he will use the negative circumstances in our lives to shape us and build up our character so that we can become more mature and strong. What is most comforting is that we can trust that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28)." This means that God can use the bad and turn it to good; it means he will always help us to find the 'silver lining' if we let him.
Dear Lord, my heart still goes out to those family and friends who are dealing with tremendous circumstances and difficulties, but I thank them for teaching me some valuable lessons today about perseverance in the face of trials. You know who they are, Lord. Please continue to lift them up and give them peace, comfort, and healing. And if it is your will, Lord, then let the negative circumstances be used for your glory; let them draw closer to you and let their testimonies be powerful ones that will help others to know of the hope that only you can give. Amen.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
The weight of anxiety lifted
I've been very anxious the past few days. . . A bit stressed and overwhelmed is probably a more accurate assessment. My husband and I have been busy cleaning our house in preparation for my in-laws. They are doing us a huge favor and watching the girls for us while we attend an out-of-state wedding. This will be our first extended trip without the kids. Although we are excited, it's a lot of work preparing to leave for such a trip. We have to make sure we have everything that we need, so I've been running lots of last minute errands. I've also tried to tie all loose ends regarding things the kids or the in-laws will need at home. But the hardest part for me is giving up control and trying not to type out that LONG list detailing the kids' routine. We know they will be in good hands, but we also know that we cannot expect "routine."
While I sat in the car today waiting to pick my oldest daughter from preschool, I was thinking about all of the things I have left to do before we leave tonight (e.g., finish cleaning our bedroom and bathroom because my in-laws will be staying in our room, packing, etc.). My heart started to race and I could feel my whole body tense up and go into "panic" mode. And when I go into that mode, I usually get so overwhelmed that it's hard for me do anything. I essentially "shut down." That's when I was reminded of the verses: "An anxious heart weighs a man down (Proverbs 12:25);" and "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you (1 Peter 5:7)." So I took a deep, deep breath, closed my eyes, and just prayed to God to take the burden off of my shoulders. I prayed for him to help me remember that if I rely only on my own strength and efforts, I will fail. I need divine help to give me the strength, patience, and endurance to attack overwhelming circumstances. I was reminded of all the times that he has come to my aid and lifted my anxiety, replacing it with peace and comfort. As usual, when I finished my prayer, my whole body and mind felt better! When I got home, instead of rushing to finish chores and packing, I'm writing instead. I'm writing to give Him praise and thanksgiving.
Have you ever found yourself in a similar boat, overcome with anxiety? I am often there because I don't always remember to turn to him first. But like today, when I do, I find immediate relief. God is a wonderful encourager and he wants to take the burden off of our shoulders! He is a God of peace and we can come to him for all requests, large or small. What good is anxiety anyways when it weighs down our hearts and limits our actions? If we really want to get things done, He wants us to remember his promise, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:6-7)."
While I sat in the car today waiting to pick my oldest daughter from preschool, I was thinking about all of the things I have left to do before we leave tonight (e.g., finish cleaning our bedroom and bathroom because my in-laws will be staying in our room, packing, etc.). My heart started to race and I could feel my whole body tense up and go into "panic" mode. And when I go into that mode, I usually get so overwhelmed that it's hard for me do anything. I essentially "shut down." That's when I was reminded of the verses: "An anxious heart weighs a man down (Proverbs 12:25);" and "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you (1 Peter 5:7)." So I took a deep, deep breath, closed my eyes, and just prayed to God to take the burden off of my shoulders. I prayed for him to help me remember that if I rely only on my own strength and efforts, I will fail. I need divine help to give me the strength, patience, and endurance to attack overwhelming circumstances. I was reminded of all the times that he has come to my aid and lifted my anxiety, replacing it with peace and comfort. As usual, when I finished my prayer, my whole body and mind felt better! When I got home, instead of rushing to finish chores and packing, I'm writing instead. I'm writing to give Him praise and thanksgiving.
Have you ever found yourself in a similar boat, overcome with anxiety? I am often there because I don't always remember to turn to him first. But like today, when I do, I find immediate relief. God is a wonderful encourager and he wants to take the burden off of our shoulders! He is a God of peace and we can come to him for all requests, large or small. What good is anxiety anyways when it weighs down our hearts and limits our actions? If we really want to get things done, He wants us to remember his promise, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:6-7)."
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Grace
I had a fun time out with some wonderful ladies tonight. We were celebrating my sister-in-law's birthday. We chatted, laughed, and had good food. The only problem was that the service was horrible! Orders were messed up; drinks not refilled; food thrown out instead of boxed up as requested; and it took 20 minutes to get our bill and settle our check. So when it came time to tipping, most people didn't want to tip much. I was the one who suggested that we just give 10%. Most people agreed, although a couple of ladies gave more. Someone commented to those ladies, "Wow, you have a better heart than the rest of us."
That single comment got me thinking, and on the drive home I had a heavy conscience. The Holy Spirit was convicting me and I kept hearing the words, "You failed to show grace as I have shown you grace." I was guilty as charged and felt ashamed. We all fall short of God's righteousness. We are all sinners and make many mistakes -- some we repeat over and over again. We are undeserving, yet God shows us endless mercy and grace. His love is so great that he gave his only Son to die on the cross for our transgressions so that we would have eternal life (John 3:16). All we have to do is believe in Jesus. We did not earn nor do we deserve this free gift. Yet, he offers it to us free of charge. "He did this, not because we deserved it, but because that was his plan from before the beginning of time--to show us his grace through Christ Jesus, (2 Timothy 1:9)."
In my annoyance at the poor service, I was not thinking about the waiter as an individual. Perhaps his girlfriend broke up with him. Perhaps someone he loved was sick. Perhaps he was not feeling well. Simply put, perhaps he was just having a bad day. Don't we all sometimes have days like that? I know I do. I should have been more understanding. I should have forgiven him for his mistakes, as God has forgiven mine. "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you, (Ephesians 4:32)."
When put to the test tonight, I failed. I failed to show Christ's love and light to another person who may have needed encouragement. I failed to show grace. If God were seated at my table today, I would be disappointing him. He would probably also be very frustrated and annoyed with my "service." But I believe he would have shown me abundant mercy and grace regardless. He would have left a good tip even though I didn't deserve it. He would have done so just to remind me of his love and compassion. This is the type of good behavior he wants from all of us, especially if we are Christian. For Christ's light to shine through us onto others, we need to be loving, kind, compassionate, and forgiving. Most of all, we need to shower grace onto others, even those who seem to not deserve it. After all, who are we to judge?
That single comment got me thinking, and on the drive home I had a heavy conscience. The Holy Spirit was convicting me and I kept hearing the words, "You failed to show grace as I have shown you grace." I was guilty as charged and felt ashamed. We all fall short of God's righteousness. We are all sinners and make many mistakes -- some we repeat over and over again. We are undeserving, yet God shows us endless mercy and grace. His love is so great that he gave his only Son to die on the cross for our transgressions so that we would have eternal life (John 3:16). All we have to do is believe in Jesus. We did not earn nor do we deserve this free gift. Yet, he offers it to us free of charge. "He did this, not because we deserved it, but because that was his plan from before the beginning of time--to show us his grace through Christ Jesus, (2 Timothy 1:9)."
In my annoyance at the poor service, I was not thinking about the waiter as an individual. Perhaps his girlfriend broke up with him. Perhaps someone he loved was sick. Perhaps he was not feeling well. Simply put, perhaps he was just having a bad day. Don't we all sometimes have days like that? I know I do. I should have been more understanding. I should have forgiven him for his mistakes, as God has forgiven mine. "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you, (Ephesians 4:32)."
When put to the test tonight, I failed. I failed to show Christ's love and light to another person who may have needed encouragement. I failed to show grace. If God were seated at my table today, I would be disappointing him. He would probably also be very frustrated and annoyed with my "service." But I believe he would have shown me abundant mercy and grace regardless. He would have left a good tip even though I didn't deserve it. He would have done so just to remind me of his love and compassion. This is the type of good behavior he wants from all of us, especially if we are Christian. For Christ's light to shine through us onto others, we need to be loving, kind, compassionate, and forgiving. Most of all, we need to shower grace onto others, even those who seem to not deserve it. After all, who are we to judge?
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
The road less traveled
We were driving home from a family vacation in the middle of the night, it was dark except for the few lights from passing cars and the occasional street lamp. My husband was driving and the girls were momentarily asleep in the back seat. It was quiet. My mind wondered as I watched the road twist and turn, go up and down. One road ended and another began, and sometimes two or more would merge. I began thinking about how the journey was a perfect metaphor for my life. And I recalled the poem The Road Not Taken written by Robert Frost:
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
I will admit that the road of life that I am traveling now is vastly different from the road that I had mapped out for myself. I had planned on finishing my Ph.D. and thriving either in academia doing psychology research or in private practice. . . Instead I left the field 5 years ago to stay at home with my family. Who would have known that my once ambitious self would leave a career before it even really started? Sometimes I still encounter old friends and colleagues from my graduate school days who shake their heads in disbelief. I imagine them saying to themselves, "What a waste." And I admit, sometimes I have felt that way too. Sometimes I miss working (although with my mommy-brain I probably wouldn't make a very good counselor/ therapist). I often miss the intellectual stimulation and that part of myself that talked about things other than diapers, sleep patterns, eating behaviors, developmental milestones, more pregnancies and more babies. . .
And to be honest some days when I am in the trenches of motherhood, I question whether I made the right choice to stay at home. Today was one of those days. My 4.5 year old daughter had an extreme meltdown first thing in the morning because of her pants not pulling up right. She would not calm down until I mustered all the energy I had to hold her tight despite her fighting, squirming, and pushing at me. I picked her up later from preschool and on the way home had to pull over because she had to go potty, "NOW!" and I scrambled to get the portable potty out of the trunk before she had an accident in the car. I thought to myself, "How glamorous!!!" Days like today, I often think, "I'm a horrible mother because I'm losing my patience," or "I'm not cut out for this thing called motherhood," or "Gosh, what if I had taken a different road in life?"
Yet, although these thoughts often come into my mind, I also know that days like today are also the days when God shows me he is faithful and present and with me each step of the way. He reminds me that he has a plan for my life, and it is better than what I had planned for myself. "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future, (Jeremiah 29:11)." And it is on these days of hardship when I am reminded of the next verse, "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart, (Jeremiah 29:12-13)." Because that is exactly what I do, I fall on my knees crying out to Him to give me strength, patience, and grace to overcome my frustrations and parenting mistakes.
I had not planned to be a stay-at-home mother, but what I have learned is that God always places us EXACTLY where he wants us to be. And His timing is always perfect -- even if different than our own. Now that I am a Christian, it's like Jesus has become my driver and the Holy Spirit my GPS. I trust Jesus to steer me in the right direction. The Holy Spirit is the one who tells me if I make a wrong turn and the one who redirects me back on course. The road He paves for us may not be the popular road, or the most glamorous road, but He will never steer us wrong. It is the road to a better and fuller life rich with heavenly and eternal treasures, NOT worldly and fleeting ones. The path he chose for me is not necessarily the path he will choose for you. His plans for each of us are different. But Jesus does say, "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter though it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. (Matthew 7:13-14)."
I chose to trust the Lord in mapping out my road of life rather than relying on my own faulty means. And it has made a big difference. He does not promise that this road won't be full of bumps, twists and turns, and many downhill slopes. . . But He does promise to be there with us each step of our journey and lighting the path for us. And He promises that there are also many, many uphill blessings that we will enjoy on our way. For example, parenting is hard work, but I cannot begin to count the number of times that my heart fills with joy when my children run to me laughing, smiling, just to hug me, snuggle, or tell me "I love you, Mommy!" So yes, I'm traveling on an unexpected, unanticipated road, but it's also a glorious one!
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
I will admit that the road of life that I am traveling now is vastly different from the road that I had mapped out for myself. I had planned on finishing my Ph.D. and thriving either in academia doing psychology research or in private practice. . . Instead I left the field 5 years ago to stay at home with my family. Who would have known that my once ambitious self would leave a career before it even really started? Sometimes I still encounter old friends and colleagues from my graduate school days who shake their heads in disbelief. I imagine them saying to themselves, "What a waste." And I admit, sometimes I have felt that way too. Sometimes I miss working (although with my mommy-brain I probably wouldn't make a very good counselor/ therapist). I often miss the intellectual stimulation and that part of myself that talked about things other than diapers, sleep patterns, eating behaviors, developmental milestones, more pregnancies and more babies. . .
And to be honest some days when I am in the trenches of motherhood, I question whether I made the right choice to stay at home. Today was one of those days. My 4.5 year old daughter had an extreme meltdown first thing in the morning because of her pants not pulling up right. She would not calm down until I mustered all the energy I had to hold her tight despite her fighting, squirming, and pushing at me. I picked her up later from preschool and on the way home had to pull over because she had to go potty, "NOW!" and I scrambled to get the portable potty out of the trunk before she had an accident in the car. I thought to myself, "How glamorous!!!" Days like today, I often think, "I'm a horrible mother because I'm losing my patience," or "I'm not cut out for this thing called motherhood," or "Gosh, what if I had taken a different road in life?"
Yet, although these thoughts often come into my mind, I also know that days like today are also the days when God shows me he is faithful and present and with me each step of the way. He reminds me that he has a plan for my life, and it is better than what I had planned for myself. "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future, (Jeremiah 29:11)." And it is on these days of hardship when I am reminded of the next verse, "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart, (Jeremiah 29:12-13)." Because that is exactly what I do, I fall on my knees crying out to Him to give me strength, patience, and grace to overcome my frustrations and parenting mistakes.
I had not planned to be a stay-at-home mother, but what I have learned is that God always places us EXACTLY where he wants us to be. And His timing is always perfect -- even if different than our own. Now that I am a Christian, it's like Jesus has become my driver and the Holy Spirit my GPS. I trust Jesus to steer me in the right direction. The Holy Spirit is the one who tells me if I make a wrong turn and the one who redirects me back on course. The road He paves for us may not be the popular road, or the most glamorous road, but He will never steer us wrong. It is the road to a better and fuller life rich with heavenly and eternal treasures, NOT worldly and fleeting ones. The path he chose for me is not necessarily the path he will choose for you. His plans for each of us are different. But Jesus does say, "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter though it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. (Matthew 7:13-14)."
I chose to trust the Lord in mapping out my road of life rather than relying on my own faulty means. And it has made a big difference. He does not promise that this road won't be full of bumps, twists and turns, and many downhill slopes. . . But He does promise to be there with us each step of our journey and lighting the path for us. And He promises that there are also many, many uphill blessings that we will enjoy on our way. For example, parenting is hard work, but I cannot begin to count the number of times that my heart fills with joy when my children run to me laughing, smiling, just to hug me, snuggle, or tell me "I love you, Mommy!" So yes, I'm traveling on an unexpected, unanticipated road, but it's also a glorious one!
Monday, September 12, 2011
Remembering Sept. 11th
It has been 10 years. Wow. They call it flashbulb memories -- the vivid images that we store of where and what we were doing when a HUGE event occurs. I was working at that time at an outpatient psychiatric facility in Northeast DC. It started like any regular day. The patients had just finish their breakfast, and some were milling around talking while some were watching TV. Suddenly I hears gasps from some of the patients. Then some began screaming. As I tried to assess the situation and figure out what was going on, I noticed people pointing at the TV screen. Now other therapists and psych personnel poured into the room and our eyes focused onto the TV. The first plane had just crashed into the first tower and they were showing footage of smoke, people jumping out of windows. . . Then suddenly we see another plane heading into the second tower. . . More chaos and devastation. That's when someone shouted, "We are under attack!" And that's when some of the patients started to lose control and we had to snap into action. The patients had varying diagnoses that included mood disorders (e.g., depression, bipolar), anxiety (e.g., OCD), and those that were along the schizophrenia spectrum. . .And their disorientation was apparent. The TV was turned off and for the remainder of the morning patients were not allowed to watch. The rest of the staff and I tried to go about our business as calmly as possible -- pretending it was just another day. In our offices we scanned the radio and internet for further news. . . . We worried about friends and family in New York and at the Pentagon. But our first responsibility was to the patients. We had to make sure they were safe, that their conditions did not deteriorate due to the shock and news. The therapists cancelled the groups they had planned for that day and did crisis management groups instead, allowing patients to talk about their feelings after seeing the footage. There was a general sense of unease and fear as we tried to figure out what to do -- evacuate or leave early. . . Transporting the patients. . . I will always remember that day, and I know you will always remember that day, whereever you were and whatever you were doing. . .
I was not a true Christian yet at that time and I remember asking, "How could this happen? How could God allow it? If he truely existed, there shouldn't be such horror!" And I know that many others have asked the same exact question. I do not claim to have the complete answer or one that would satisfy you. Theologians, pastors, and stronger Christians than I have tried to answer this time and time again. So I doubt I can shed more light then they have already done. However, what I can do is talk about what I have learned and what I am reminded of as I sit here and write. God is a God of LOVE, HOPE, and LIGHT, not one of hatred and darkness. He has a hand in everything that we do, but that doesn't mean that he is the cause of everything that happens in our lives. He is a God who allows us free choice. So with that in mind, sometimes things that happen to us, especially the bad, come as a result of our own sinful nature, our own wrong choices and mistakes. Evil happens in the world because there are other forces at work that oppose God's goodness. Satan is as real today as he was thousands of years ago. The problem is that we sometimes forget about him. But what we can hold on to is the hope that God promises: "In all things God works for the good of those who love him, (Romans 8:28)." This doesn't mean there won't be suffering, pain, and tragedy. Unfortunately, living in a fallen world means that these things are inevitable. But God does promise to give us the stength to perservere and the confidence to know that he will work to bring about goodness and light even in the times of evil and darkness.
That is exactly what he did on 9/11. In the midst of the the utter destruction and horror of the twin towers collapsing, the Pentagon ravaged, the plane crash in Pennsylvania, the unspeakable tragedy of all the lives lost. . . God showed himself in the love and goodwill that was demonstrated. He was there among all the service men and women and public servants who risked their own lives to help. He was there in the arms of strangers, friends, and family who offered meals, support, and just hand-holding during those long hours and days of waiting for news (good and bad). He was there lifted up in prayers of countless people across the nation and the world. He is here still. In the midst of tragedy and despair, please do not doubt that God is there and that he cares. In the midst of the monotony of life, God is still present. He is everywhere, just waiting for us to choose Him and recognize Him, and trust Him.
Dear Lord, I pray that you continue to be with the families and friends of all the men and women whose lives were lost on 9/11. I pray that you lift them up, encourage and comfort them as only you can. Please remind them and the nation that you are here and that you are present, and that we may lean on you and trust in you. I pray that you remind us each day that despite tragedies that happen in our lives, if we trust in you, you promise to bring goodness out of the circumstances of pain. Amen.
I was not a true Christian yet at that time and I remember asking, "How could this happen? How could God allow it? If he truely existed, there shouldn't be such horror!" And I know that many others have asked the same exact question. I do not claim to have the complete answer or one that would satisfy you. Theologians, pastors, and stronger Christians than I have tried to answer this time and time again. So I doubt I can shed more light then they have already done. However, what I can do is talk about what I have learned and what I am reminded of as I sit here and write. God is a God of LOVE, HOPE, and LIGHT, not one of hatred and darkness. He has a hand in everything that we do, but that doesn't mean that he is the cause of everything that happens in our lives. He is a God who allows us free choice. So with that in mind, sometimes things that happen to us, especially the bad, come as a result of our own sinful nature, our own wrong choices and mistakes. Evil happens in the world because there are other forces at work that oppose God's goodness. Satan is as real today as he was thousands of years ago. The problem is that we sometimes forget about him. But what we can hold on to is the hope that God promises: "In all things God works for the good of those who love him, (Romans 8:28)." This doesn't mean there won't be suffering, pain, and tragedy. Unfortunately, living in a fallen world means that these things are inevitable. But God does promise to give us the stength to perservere and the confidence to know that he will work to bring about goodness and light even in the times of evil and darkness.
That is exactly what he did on 9/11. In the midst of the the utter destruction and horror of the twin towers collapsing, the Pentagon ravaged, the plane crash in Pennsylvania, the unspeakable tragedy of all the lives lost. . . God showed himself in the love and goodwill that was demonstrated. He was there among all the service men and women and public servants who risked their own lives to help. He was there in the arms of strangers, friends, and family who offered meals, support, and just hand-holding during those long hours and days of waiting for news (good and bad). He was there lifted up in prayers of countless people across the nation and the world. He is here still. In the midst of tragedy and despair, please do not doubt that God is there and that he cares. In the midst of the monotony of life, God is still present. He is everywhere, just waiting for us to choose Him and recognize Him, and trust Him.
Dear Lord, I pray that you continue to be with the families and friends of all the men and women whose lives were lost on 9/11. I pray that you lift them up, encourage and comfort them as only you can. Please remind them and the nation that you are here and that you are present, and that we may lean on you and trust in you. I pray that you remind us each day that despite tragedies that happen in our lives, if we trust in you, you promise to bring goodness out of the circumstances of pain. Amen.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Morning pick me up
"I need and miss my coffee!" I just posted this about an hour ago on FB. I had yet another sleepless night filled with countless dreams. Dreams occur during REM sleep, which is actually a phase of lighter sleep. . . So a night filled with dreams that I actually remember means that I never got that deep sleep that my body so needs. I struggle with sleep difficulties, a type of insomnia that has to do with the maintanence of my sleep. It may take me a while to fall asleep, but eventually I do. The problem is that I can't stay asleep and wake up every couple of hours and take a while to fall back asleep again. Now that I am pregnant with our third child, these difficulties are exacerbated. I wake up now every hour or so -- seriously, I know because I look at the clock! I am so exhausted everyday that I go to bed early by 9:30ish (I know, I'm an old fart). But come 10:30/ 11 I'm up, then 12/1, then 2/3, then 4/5. . . And well the kids then get up around 6:30/ 7 so that means I'm up for the day also. Is it the kids that are waking me up? Nope. They are pretty good sleepers overall getting close to 11-12 hours each night (Oh I'm jealous!). And the husband's snoring (love him!) probably doesn't help the situation, but really I just wake up for no reason. Well, now that I'm pregnant, necessary bathroom breaks may be part of the reason, I guess.
Due to my sleep issues, I had gotten into a nasty habit of having my morning cup of coffee (iced caramel latte -- yum!!!) just to give me a morning pick me up and help me to get through the day. I relied on that jump start every morning. Now that I'm pregnant, I'm trying to be good and not take the coffee because of the caffeine (besides, it is a costly habit!). But without it I have been dragging most days. I have been persistently praying to God for better sleep. I almost sound like a broken record. And night after night it was the same and no better. So obviously, even though I was trying really hard not to, I was getting frustrated. My foggy sleep-deprived brain could not allow myself to think that there was a purpose to it. I kept thinking, "Just a few solid hours of sleep and I would be a much better mother, more patient, less irritable. I'd be a better housewife with just a few more hours so I have the energy to clean and cook. . . A few more hours of sleep and I won't snap at my husband. . . "
This morning, I finally heard God's answer. Again, I was so focused on my "need" and "desire" for sleep that I lost focus of him and what he could be using this trial for in my life. While sitting at the breakfast table thinking of coffee, it hit me like a ton of bricks, "Amy, you are relying on the wrong thing! Your morning cup should be me, My Word, my Grace! I will get you through it!" Oh, how humbling that moment was. And how I needed that reminder! "My grace is sufficient for you. My strength is made perfect in weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9)" God wants us to turn to him in moments of daily weakness. Instead of coffee or other means of a pick me up, he wants us to seek his grace. His grace is limitless and it will carry us through any obstacle. It does not mean we won't have difficulties and challenges, but he promises that he will give us the stength to get through it when we would otherwise not be able to on our own. Granted, there is nothing wrong with coffee. But it should not replace God in our lives.
Dear Lord, thank you for the reminder today that I should be turning to you for the strength and grace to make it through the day. When I am weary and tired, and just at the end of my rope, it is not coffee that I need, it is you, only you. Please give me that extra dose of grace I need today, Lord, so that I may too have the strength to show grace and love to my family. Amen.
Due to my sleep issues, I had gotten into a nasty habit of having my morning cup of coffee (iced caramel latte -- yum!!!) just to give me a morning pick me up and help me to get through the day. I relied on that jump start every morning. Now that I'm pregnant, I'm trying to be good and not take the coffee because of the caffeine (besides, it is a costly habit!). But without it I have been dragging most days. I have been persistently praying to God for better sleep. I almost sound like a broken record. And night after night it was the same and no better. So obviously, even though I was trying really hard not to, I was getting frustrated. My foggy sleep-deprived brain could not allow myself to think that there was a purpose to it. I kept thinking, "Just a few solid hours of sleep and I would be a much better mother, more patient, less irritable. I'd be a better housewife with just a few more hours so I have the energy to clean and cook. . . A few more hours of sleep and I won't snap at my husband. . . "
This morning, I finally heard God's answer. Again, I was so focused on my "need" and "desire" for sleep that I lost focus of him and what he could be using this trial for in my life. While sitting at the breakfast table thinking of coffee, it hit me like a ton of bricks, "Amy, you are relying on the wrong thing! Your morning cup should be me, My Word, my Grace! I will get you through it!" Oh, how humbling that moment was. And how I needed that reminder! "My grace is sufficient for you. My strength is made perfect in weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9)" God wants us to turn to him in moments of daily weakness. Instead of coffee or other means of a pick me up, he wants us to seek his grace. His grace is limitless and it will carry us through any obstacle. It does not mean we won't have difficulties and challenges, but he promises that he will give us the stength to get through it when we would otherwise not be able to on our own. Granted, there is nothing wrong with coffee. But it should not replace God in our lives.
Dear Lord, thank you for the reminder today that I should be turning to you for the strength and grace to make it through the day. When I am weary and tired, and just at the end of my rope, it is not coffee that I need, it is you, only you. Please give me that extra dose of grace I need today, Lord, so that I may too have the strength to show grace and love to my family. Amen.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Two become one
My husband and I just celebrated our 7 year anniversary (but 13 years total if you include our dating years). The years have gone by so fast and they have been filled with many blessings and joys, but also many tests and challenges. Our marriage is anything from perfect because we are imperfect individuals. We have had our share of battles, some fought loudly and fiercely with hurtful words thrown at each other (and sometimes a few objects as well). Some other battles have been more subtle, evidenced by periods of self-imposed silence while tip-toeing around emotional mine fields.
Yet, through it all, our love endures and it grows stronger with each passing day. However, this love is not the love that we originally had for each other. It is not the infatuated kind demonstrated in the early years of courting and dating. It is a deeper, committed love that is a result of years of going through trials together and years of forgiving and forgetting faults committed by the other. It is a love that demonstrates a daily choice to love the other person above all others despite his/ her flaws and differences. It is a love that is a testament to the Lord's grace working on and through us.
As I reflect on our marriage, I know we have grown a great deal, but I also know that we have a lifetime of growth ahead of us. We have learned many lessons together, but I also know God will teach us many more if we let him. When we said our vows, we acknowledged that through marriage, "two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one (Matt. 19:5)." This doesn't mean that we lose our own identities, becoming some sort of strange hybrid -- some of his traits, some of her traits. . . It means to become one in a highly intimate way, including physical and emotional. But more than this, I realized, is that "two becoming one" happens when two people are working together, seeking and acting on God's will and purpose in their lives. For God has a plan not just for each of us as individuals, but if married, he has a plan for us as a couple. If we have children this means that he has a plan for us also as parents. It is working as a unified couple, unified parental unit. . . God's plans for us as individuals, couples, and parents, can and do overlap often, but there are also defining features to each. We have to seek God's wisdom to discern the distinct lines. Most of all, we need to pray for God to bless our marriages so that we can truly become one in all the ways he intended us to be.
Yet, through it all, our love endures and it grows stronger with each passing day. However, this love is not the love that we originally had for each other. It is not the infatuated kind demonstrated in the early years of courting and dating. It is a deeper, committed love that is a result of years of going through trials together and years of forgiving and forgetting faults committed by the other. It is a love that demonstrates a daily choice to love the other person above all others despite his/ her flaws and differences. It is a love that is a testament to the Lord's grace working on and through us.
As I reflect on our marriage, I know we have grown a great deal, but I also know that we have a lifetime of growth ahead of us. We have learned many lessons together, but I also know God will teach us many more if we let him. When we said our vows, we acknowledged that through marriage, "two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one (Matt. 19:5)." This doesn't mean that we lose our own identities, becoming some sort of strange hybrid -- some of his traits, some of her traits. . . It means to become one in a highly intimate way, including physical and emotional. But more than this, I realized, is that "two becoming one" happens when two people are working together, seeking and acting on God's will and purpose in their lives. For God has a plan not just for each of us as individuals, but if married, he has a plan for us as a couple. If we have children this means that he has a plan for us also as parents. It is working as a unified couple, unified parental unit. . . God's plans for us as individuals, couples, and parents, can and do overlap often, but there are also defining features to each. We have to seek God's wisdom to discern the distinct lines. Most of all, we need to pray for God to bless our marriages so that we can truly become one in all the ways he intended us to be.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Silence
The kids are in bed early. . . The dog is sleeping. . . The husband is still out. . . The house is silent. How I enjoy these times! With two young kids and an extroverted husband, absolute silence is rare. As much as I love talking and spending time with my family and friends, I know that as an introvert I greatly need times of silence to rest and recharge.
It is ironic that being a lover of silence, it has taken me years to fully appreciate God's silence and what it means. In the past, as a relatively new Christian, I equated God's presence with actively hearing his voice in my life or with his clear answers to prayers. I knew that as a Christian I would undergo trials and tests, either as consequences of my own sinful nature or as direct tests from God challenging me to grow and mature. Yet I did not understand those times when God was silent. Sometimes I would pray fervently about something and would hear nothing. I wish I could say I persevered all those times and that I stood the tests, but that would be a lie. My faith wavered quite a lot during those early years. If things went well, I would be praising God! If things went bad, I would be like David crying out, "O God, do not keep silent, be not quiet, O God, be not still!" (Psalm 83:1) Or like Job, "Though I cry, I've been wronged! I get no response; though I call for help, there is no justice." (Job 19:7). Then my insecurities would begin to attack and I would lose confidence. I would start thinking that perhaps God didn't care about me. Perhaps he wasn't listening.
I realize now that I was wrong in assuming these things. God never stops caring! And as believers, Christ walks with us each day of our lives and we have the Holy Spirit guiding us. We are never alone anymore. Consequently, God's silence does not mean apathy and indifference because he is never far from us. Instead, his silence is itself a response. In the same way that his Words are purposeful, His silence also has a purpose. Silence tests our faith. How much do we trust him? How much confidence do we have in his love? How secure are we in knowing that he is there ready to catch us if we fall? Think of the example of a father teaching his child to walk or ride a bike for the first time. The loving father will always be behind just in case of a stumble. If the child doubts his father's presence and keeps looking back at each step, his feet will falter. Yet, if the child is confident in his father's loving support, he will look straight ahead and take off on his own, knowing he does not need to look back to see his father there behind him. God is our Holy Father and he loves us more than we will ever know. His love is unfathomable because he loved us so much he sacrificed his son for us. That kind of love will shelter and support us unconditionally. Just as a parent steps back occasionally and lets a child learn to take steps, so too God steps back in silence so that we can use that time to learn. Silence is a time to learn about ourselves and about his character and our relationship with him.
It has been weeks since I last wrote a blog post. Having dedicated this blog to God and his purposes, I was a bit anxious about why I was not feeling inspired to write anything. I had not experienced this type of "writer's block" before. I never knew the topics I would write about ahead of time, but usually my inspiration would come from a trial or event in my life. I would hear a clear voice, distinguishable from my own, giving me the theme. For weeks I have been worried that I was missing His voice. Was I not seeking him enough and therefore not hearing him? A few days ago I read a devotional that really convicted me. It was on Galatians 3:3, "Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?" Having not heard any inspiring themes from God, I was starting a list of topics to write on my own, but I was having difficulty because my thoughts were not flowing nicely as they usually do when I write. So I rightly took that as a sign that I was writing about the wrong topics. Then today while researching scripture, I had an epiphany: God has blessed me with the gift of silence. What can I learn from this? God's silence is purposeful and powerful. What I need to do is trust in His will, not my own. There is a perfect timing for everything (Ecclesiastes 3) and only God knows it. If he hasn't spoken clearly to me, there is a reason to wait for his direction. Instead of relying on my own efforts, I need to be patient through the silence and be open to seeking His Word, learning more of His Will, and submitting to it with absolute obedience.
Silences can sometimes be awkward, especially among people we don't know well. But have you ever thought about how comforting it is to be with someone who has known you for years with whom you can just sit in silence and not have to speak? That's a sign of intimacy. What I realized this week was that my relationship with God has moved to a point where silence can actually be comforting. I no longer worry that he's not there and not listening. I know he is. What I realized this time is that his silence is a blessing because through it I have learned a valuable lesson about myself, patience, and how better to serve him. Thank you, Lord, for your gift of silence these past few weeks.
It is ironic that being a lover of silence, it has taken me years to fully appreciate God's silence and what it means. In the past, as a relatively new Christian, I equated God's presence with actively hearing his voice in my life or with his clear answers to prayers. I knew that as a Christian I would undergo trials and tests, either as consequences of my own sinful nature or as direct tests from God challenging me to grow and mature. Yet I did not understand those times when God was silent. Sometimes I would pray fervently about something and would hear nothing. I wish I could say I persevered all those times and that I stood the tests, but that would be a lie. My faith wavered quite a lot during those early years. If things went well, I would be praising God! If things went bad, I would be like David crying out, "O God, do not keep silent, be not quiet, O God, be not still!" (Psalm 83:1) Or like Job, "Though I cry, I've been wronged! I get no response; though I call for help, there is no justice." (Job 19:7). Then my insecurities would begin to attack and I would lose confidence. I would start thinking that perhaps God didn't care about me. Perhaps he wasn't listening.
I realize now that I was wrong in assuming these things. God never stops caring! And as believers, Christ walks with us each day of our lives and we have the Holy Spirit guiding us. We are never alone anymore. Consequently, God's silence does not mean apathy and indifference because he is never far from us. Instead, his silence is itself a response. In the same way that his Words are purposeful, His silence also has a purpose. Silence tests our faith. How much do we trust him? How much confidence do we have in his love? How secure are we in knowing that he is there ready to catch us if we fall? Think of the example of a father teaching his child to walk or ride a bike for the first time. The loving father will always be behind just in case of a stumble. If the child doubts his father's presence and keeps looking back at each step, his feet will falter. Yet, if the child is confident in his father's loving support, he will look straight ahead and take off on his own, knowing he does not need to look back to see his father there behind him. God is our Holy Father and he loves us more than we will ever know. His love is unfathomable because he loved us so much he sacrificed his son for us. That kind of love will shelter and support us unconditionally. Just as a parent steps back occasionally and lets a child learn to take steps, so too God steps back in silence so that we can use that time to learn. Silence is a time to learn about ourselves and about his character and our relationship with him.
It has been weeks since I last wrote a blog post. Having dedicated this blog to God and his purposes, I was a bit anxious about why I was not feeling inspired to write anything. I had not experienced this type of "writer's block" before. I never knew the topics I would write about ahead of time, but usually my inspiration would come from a trial or event in my life. I would hear a clear voice, distinguishable from my own, giving me the theme. For weeks I have been worried that I was missing His voice. Was I not seeking him enough and therefore not hearing him? A few days ago I read a devotional that really convicted me. It was on Galatians 3:3, "Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?" Having not heard any inspiring themes from God, I was starting a list of topics to write on my own, but I was having difficulty because my thoughts were not flowing nicely as they usually do when I write. So I rightly took that as a sign that I was writing about the wrong topics. Then today while researching scripture, I had an epiphany: God has blessed me with the gift of silence. What can I learn from this? God's silence is purposeful and powerful. What I need to do is trust in His will, not my own. There is a perfect timing for everything (Ecclesiastes 3) and only God knows it. If he hasn't spoken clearly to me, there is a reason to wait for his direction. Instead of relying on my own efforts, I need to be patient through the silence and be open to seeking His Word, learning more of His Will, and submitting to it with absolute obedience.
Silences can sometimes be awkward, especially among people we don't know well. But have you ever thought about how comforting it is to be with someone who has known you for years with whom you can just sit in silence and not have to speak? That's a sign of intimacy. What I realized this week was that my relationship with God has moved to a point where silence can actually be comforting. I no longer worry that he's not there and not listening. I know he is. What I realized this time is that his silence is a blessing because through it I have learned a valuable lesson about myself, patience, and how better to serve him. Thank you, Lord, for your gift of silence these past few weeks.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Heartless Words
Several times this week I have lashed out at my husband with my words. I won't go into the details of each incident, but let's just say they were not pretty. Being near that "special time of the month", this did not help matters. But really, there is no excuse for my behavior. When I get upset and angry, my tongue often gets the better of me. I slip and say things that I normally wouldn't say and really don't mean -- things I regret when the dust clears and the emotional waves calm. I let my tongue control me instead of exercising restraint.
We recently began a study of the book of James. I was truly convicted this week after doing our lesson and reading again James 3: 1-12 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=James+3%3A1-12&version=NIV). If you know me personally, you know that I often admit (after the fact) that my tongue gets me into trouble. I often talk too much, too bluntly, or too severely, without first thinking. And like I said, this gets worse when emotions (or hormones) are in an uproar. So I have often turned to these passages in James for guidance in the past. James uses different imagery to illustrate the nature of the tongue. Like the bit in the mouth of a horse, or a ship's rudder, it is a small part that can direct and guide the rest of the body. It can guide towards good (praise and encouragement) or bad (evil and curses). It is like a spark that can set the whole forest on fire, destroy, and corrupt. And like an animal, it is hard to tame. But it too can be like a beautiful tree that can provide for our needs and bear fruit.
In doing my study this week, I finally understood the last part of these verses. I finally realized that the real problem is not that my tongue is getting the better of me, it is the inconsistent nature of my speech. At times words of encouragement and praise come out of my mouth, but then other times the words are meant to cut and hurt. I am thoroughly ashamed afterwards, of course, and I ask for forgiveness. However, once uttered, these words can't be taken back and they are not soon forgotten. I finally realized that my inconsistency of speech might really mask a deeper problem: the inconsistency of my heart. "The things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man unclean. For out of the heart comes evil thoughts, false testimony, slander. . . (Matthew 15:18,19)." And if my heart is the real issue, then oh, how I have been deceiving myself!
If any of this resonates with you, will you say a little prayer with me?
Dear Lord, you know my heart better than I know it myself. Please forgive and convict me of all wrong and ill-will that is harbored there. Help me to purge my heart of all that is unclean. Let me not deceive myself. Please give me the grace and strength to overcome my emotions so that I am not tempted again to lash out in anger. Instead let the Spirit guide me to speak words that are fitting (or stay silent when I should) and use my words only to lift others up rather than tear them down. Amen.
We recently began a study of the book of James. I was truly convicted this week after doing our lesson and reading again James 3: 1-12 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=James+3%3A1-12&version=NIV). If you know me personally, you know that I often admit (after the fact) that my tongue gets me into trouble. I often talk too much, too bluntly, or too severely, without first thinking. And like I said, this gets worse when emotions (or hormones) are in an uproar. So I have often turned to these passages in James for guidance in the past. James uses different imagery to illustrate the nature of the tongue. Like the bit in the mouth of a horse, or a ship's rudder, it is a small part that can direct and guide the rest of the body. It can guide towards good (praise and encouragement) or bad (evil and curses). It is like a spark that can set the whole forest on fire, destroy, and corrupt. And like an animal, it is hard to tame. But it too can be like a beautiful tree that can provide for our needs and bear fruit.
In doing my study this week, I finally understood the last part of these verses. I finally realized that the real problem is not that my tongue is getting the better of me, it is the inconsistent nature of my speech. At times words of encouragement and praise come out of my mouth, but then other times the words are meant to cut and hurt. I am thoroughly ashamed afterwards, of course, and I ask for forgiveness. However, once uttered, these words can't be taken back and they are not soon forgotten. I finally realized that my inconsistency of speech might really mask a deeper problem: the inconsistency of my heart. "The things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man unclean. For out of the heart comes evil thoughts, false testimony, slander. . . (Matthew 15:18,19)." And if my heart is the real issue, then oh, how I have been deceiving myself!
If any of this resonates with you, will you say a little prayer with me?
Dear Lord, you know my heart better than I know it myself. Please forgive and convict me of all wrong and ill-will that is harbored there. Help me to purge my heart of all that is unclean. Let me not deceive myself. Please give me the grace and strength to overcome my emotions so that I am not tempted again to lash out in anger. Instead let the Spirit guide me to speak words that are fitting (or stay silent when I should) and use my words only to lift others up rather than tear them down. Amen.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Freedom
With the entire country celebrating the Fourth of July this weekend, I have been thinking a lot about freedom. This word has so many different meanings depending on the context. For example, the word freedom is often used synonymously with the word independence during this holiday. The holiday commemorates our country declaring its independence from Great Britain on July 4, 1776. We typically celebrate the holiday with fireworks, backyard barbecues, parades, family get-togethers, shopping sprees -- all things American. We celebrate our freedom to self-govern and for "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness," rights that we often take for granted since we live in a democratic society.
But today I don't want to talk about politics. I want to talk about spiritual freedom. "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery, (Galatians 5:1)." What does this mean? Jesus said, "Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free, (John 8:32)." The truth is Jesus himself, that he died to set us free from sin and from a long list of religious laws and regulations. This freedom is not to do whatever we want -- that would only lead us back into sin's bondage. Christ came to set us free from our own evil and selfish desires that keep us separated from God. This freedom is freedom to worship God and be in a personal relationship with Him through Christ. And it is a freedom to serve him and be all that God meant us to be -- in His image. And it is a freedom that leads to salvation, everlasting life.
I was reminded recently that this type of freedom also means liberation from emotional chains. It is a freedom from depression, worry, anxiety, loneliness, and the need to seek validation from anyone but the Lord. In the past I was a slave to my own negative emotions and attitudes. I was so depressed that I contemplated ways to ensure my own demise. Absorbed in self-pity I also sought to sabotage anything good in my life so that I could stubbornly maintain my own negative self-concept. I was worthless, no one loved me, and it didn't matter what I did, I would always be a failure. When I eventually came to Christ, I began to realize that I could love myself because He loved me; others could love me and I could love them because I was free to love. I slowly began to realize that it really doesn't matter what other people think of me. I am made worthwhile because of Christ's love and sacrifice. The only validation I needed is that from the Lord. I needed only the Lord to make me feel whole and complete. I was a slave indeed before I knew Christ, but I was freed because "if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed, (John 8:36)." If you have not yet trusted Jesus as your own personal savior, I urge you to consider the peace and freedom that only He can bring to your life. There are still days that I blunder and remnants of my old self surface, but these moments are short-lived and cannot enslave me as they once did. When they surface I merely pray to the Lord and he answers my prayers and reminds me he is with me always and he will not forsake me.
Just as there are people who take advantage of political freedom to have their own way or indulge themselves at the cost of others, there are many so-called Christians who may also take advantage of their freedom to fall back into sinful ways. Because Christ is sufficient and he is all we need for salvation, they think they can continue to do anything that they want because of Christ's forgiveness. Yes, we are forgiven in Christ, but why continue to seek out sin and unrighteousness when it is so much better to be blameless in the presence of the Lord? The bible warns against this form of thinking, "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom (2 Corinthians 3:17)." The Holy Spirit in us is evidence of our freedom. But the Spirit in us is also what guides us to change and turn from our sinful ways so that we do not taint ourselves and truly demonstrate Christ-like freedom. "You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature, rather, serve one another in love, (Galatians 5:13)." "Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God. Show proper respect to everyone; Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king, (1 Peter 2:16)."
Independence and freedom from the tyranny and oppression of sin is found in dependence on the Lord, Jesus. That means that true freedom comes not from ignoring Him or His commands, but in believing, trusting, and loving Him, and living, doing, and breathing the Word daily.
But today I don't want to talk about politics. I want to talk about spiritual freedom. "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery, (Galatians 5:1)." What does this mean? Jesus said, "Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free, (John 8:32)." The truth is Jesus himself, that he died to set us free from sin and from a long list of religious laws and regulations. This freedom is not to do whatever we want -- that would only lead us back into sin's bondage. Christ came to set us free from our own evil and selfish desires that keep us separated from God. This freedom is freedom to worship God and be in a personal relationship with Him through Christ. And it is a freedom to serve him and be all that God meant us to be -- in His image. And it is a freedom that leads to salvation, everlasting life.
I was reminded recently that this type of freedom also means liberation from emotional chains. It is a freedom from depression, worry, anxiety, loneliness, and the need to seek validation from anyone but the Lord. In the past I was a slave to my own negative emotions and attitudes. I was so depressed that I contemplated ways to ensure my own demise. Absorbed in self-pity I also sought to sabotage anything good in my life so that I could stubbornly maintain my own negative self-concept. I was worthless, no one loved me, and it didn't matter what I did, I would always be a failure. When I eventually came to Christ, I began to realize that I could love myself because He loved me; others could love me and I could love them because I was free to love. I slowly began to realize that it really doesn't matter what other people think of me. I am made worthwhile because of Christ's love and sacrifice. The only validation I needed is that from the Lord. I needed only the Lord to make me feel whole and complete. I was a slave indeed before I knew Christ, but I was freed because "if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed, (John 8:36)." If you have not yet trusted Jesus as your own personal savior, I urge you to consider the peace and freedom that only He can bring to your life. There are still days that I blunder and remnants of my old self surface, but these moments are short-lived and cannot enslave me as they once did. When they surface I merely pray to the Lord and he answers my prayers and reminds me he is with me always and he will not forsake me.
Just as there are people who take advantage of political freedom to have their own way or indulge themselves at the cost of others, there are many so-called Christians who may also take advantage of their freedom to fall back into sinful ways. Because Christ is sufficient and he is all we need for salvation, they think they can continue to do anything that they want because of Christ's forgiveness. Yes, we are forgiven in Christ, but why continue to seek out sin and unrighteousness when it is so much better to be blameless in the presence of the Lord? The bible warns against this form of thinking, "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom (2 Corinthians 3:17)." The Holy Spirit in us is evidence of our freedom. But the Spirit in us is also what guides us to change and turn from our sinful ways so that we do not taint ourselves and truly demonstrate Christ-like freedom. "You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature, rather, serve one another in love, (Galatians 5:13)." "Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God. Show proper respect to everyone; Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king, (1 Peter 2:16)."
Independence and freedom from the tyranny and oppression of sin is found in dependence on the Lord, Jesus. That means that true freedom comes not from ignoring Him or His commands, but in believing, trusting, and loving Him, and living, doing, and breathing the Word daily.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Broken Telephone and Communication
You know that childish game, Telephone? One person whispers something in a 2nd person's ear and then he/she repeats that to the 3rd person, and so on and so on. It's always funny to hear how the original message gets distorted by the time it gets to end of the line. Unfortunately, real life is not a game. Whenever a conversation between A and B gets relayed to C and D, E and F, things inevitably get lost in the relay process. As a result negative feelings and misunderstandings often happen. The sad reality is that human relationships are plagued with broken telephone lines such as these.
Recently my husband and I have had several instances where our good intentions to help others have somehow been lost in the communication process. We might talk to two people separately but somehow when they talk to each other (or someone else) what is said in private gets distorted and changed. We just pray that the fragile trust that was being built between ourselves and others will remain despite miscommunication and misunderstanding. It's a difficult line to walk -- to balance being listening ears to parties in conflict with each other while remaining true to our own principles of neutrality.
Seeking wisdom, I found numerous verses and passages in the Bible that give insight into Godly and good communication principles that we should all live by. They will be posted at the end of this blog post in case you want to read them. They all teach that the tongue is restless and has the power to heal or destroy. We need to be mindful of it's dual nature and watch what we say. Other points that I learned from doing this biblical study of communication:
(4) When you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all! Sometimes being silent is just what is needed.
(5) A more complicated part of God's plan for communication is not just guarding What, How, or When we say things, but also guarding our minds against unwholesome talk from other people. Listen to people vent and share their stories as long as the focus is still on them and their feelings and experience. If, however, the conversation begins to detour off course and into that murky realm called "gossip" or unwholesome talk about others, cut off the conversation as gently as you can or shift it to another topic. If we allow ourselves to listen to miscellaneous details about other people and their lives, it clouds our judgements and despite our best efforts contrary, our opinions about them and others will shift and change (even if only a little). Consequently our behavior towards them may change. If we are to show Godly love, since we are human and easily swayed, we need to remain neutral in all conflict between parties, otherwise once our mind is turned against someone it is hard to love again.
(6) Do not repeat things told to you in confidence. That too is gossip. Trust is a fragile thing and it is essential to good communication. Miscommunication is rooted in distrust.
Look, I'm not writing this post because I have perfected all of these principles. I'm writing because while I started to feel frustrated by others misunderstanding my words and intentions, God made me realize that I am guilty of contributing to broken communication lines also. My husband reminded me that Jesus was not guilty of any such follies. He had the wisdom to know when to speak and what to say. He also understood when he needed to be silent. He was not tempted to talk back or defend himself when others distorted his teachings and threw accusations at him. Whenever we fail in communication, we must trust that Jesus is in our corner and God will judge and see what is right and if we seek Him and have faith, all will work out for good. He will guide us to say (or not say) what is needed. And if however, we are the ones contributing to the misunderstandings, then we need to pray also for the Holy Spirit to intervene on our behalf and stop ourselves from letting temptations of the flesh and tongue overpower us. Walk blameless as Christ did. That is a HUGE standard, but oh so worth it in order to keep harmony and peace that glorify God.
1 Peter 2: 21-24
2:21 For to this you were called, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving an example for you to follow in his steps. 22 He committed no sin nor was deceit found in his mouth. 23 When he was maligned, he did not answer back; when he suffered, he threatened no retaliation, but committed himself to God who judges justly. 24 He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we may cease from sinning and live for righteousness. By his wounds you were healed.
James 3: 2-12
Recently my husband and I have had several instances where our good intentions to help others have somehow been lost in the communication process. We might talk to two people separately but somehow when they talk to each other (or someone else) what is said in private gets distorted and changed. We just pray that the fragile trust that was being built between ourselves and others will remain despite miscommunication and misunderstanding. It's a difficult line to walk -- to balance being listening ears to parties in conflict with each other while remaining true to our own principles of neutrality.
Seeking wisdom, I found numerous verses and passages in the Bible that give insight into Godly and good communication principles that we should all live by. They will be posted at the end of this blog post in case you want to read them. They all teach that the tongue is restless and has the power to heal or destroy. We need to be mindful of it's dual nature and watch what we say. Other points that I learned from doing this biblical study of communication:
(1) Watch what we say so that no unwholesome talk comes out of our mouths. We all fall short of this at times. It's an ongoing process to purge ourselves from this sin and to "tame our tongues."
(2) We need to think before we speak. Seek God's guidance to know the right words to say so that miscommunication does not happen.
(3) Say only things that will encourage and lift people up. This is hard to do, especially if we are upset at someone. God commands us to show love to everyone, even our enemies. Part of showing love means to lift up and encourage people by saying nice things to and about them. This doesn't mean be fake about it or to lie and pay a compliment when it is untrue. Lifting people up in a way that honors God is to push aside their faults and weaknesses and still see the positives and praise them for it. (4) When you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all! Sometimes being silent is just what is needed.
(5) A more complicated part of God's plan for communication is not just guarding What, How, or When we say things, but also guarding our minds against unwholesome talk from other people. Listen to people vent and share their stories as long as the focus is still on them and their feelings and experience. If, however, the conversation begins to detour off course and into that murky realm called "gossip" or unwholesome talk about others, cut off the conversation as gently as you can or shift it to another topic. If we allow ourselves to listen to miscellaneous details about other people and their lives, it clouds our judgements and despite our best efforts contrary, our opinions about them and others will shift and change (even if only a little). Consequently our behavior towards them may change. If we are to show Godly love, since we are human and easily swayed, we need to remain neutral in all conflict between parties, otherwise once our mind is turned against someone it is hard to love again.
(6) Do not repeat things told to you in confidence. That too is gossip. Trust is a fragile thing and it is essential to good communication. Miscommunication is rooted in distrust.
Look, I'm not writing this post because I have perfected all of these principles. I'm writing because while I started to feel frustrated by others misunderstanding my words and intentions, God made me realize that I am guilty of contributing to broken communication lines also. My husband reminded me that Jesus was not guilty of any such follies. He had the wisdom to know when to speak and what to say. He also understood when he needed to be silent. He was not tempted to talk back or defend himself when others distorted his teachings and threw accusations at him. Whenever we fail in communication, we must trust that Jesus is in our corner and God will judge and see what is right and if we seek Him and have faith, all will work out for good. He will guide us to say (or not say) what is needed. And if however, we are the ones contributing to the misunderstandings, then we need to pray also for the Holy Spirit to intervene on our behalf and stop ourselves from letting temptations of the flesh and tongue overpower us. Walk blameless as Christ did. That is a HUGE standard, but oh so worth it in order to keep harmony and peace that glorify God.
1 Peter 2: 21-24
2:21 For to this you were called, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving an example for you to follow in his steps. 22 He committed no sin nor was deceit found in his mouth. 23 When he was maligned, he did not answer back; when he suffered, he threatened no retaliation, but committed himself to God who judges justly. 24 He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we may cease from sinning and live for righteousness. By his wounds you were healed.
Ephesians 4:29-32
4:29 You must let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but only what is beneficial for the building up of the one in need, that it may give grace to those who hear. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 You must put away every kind of bitterness, anger, wrath, quarreling, and evil, slanderous talk. 32 Instead, be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you.
Proverbs
10:19 When words abound, transgression is inevitable, but the one who restrains his words is wise.
11:13 The one who goes about slandering others reveals secrets, but the one who is trustworthy conceals a matter.
12:18 Speaking recklessly is like the thrusts of a sword, but the words of the wise bring healing.
12:25 Anxiety in a person’s heart weighs him down, but an encouraging word brings him joy.
15:1 A gentle response turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.
15:28 The heart of the righteous considers how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.
16:24 Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
17:9 The one who forgives an offense seeks love, but whoever repeats a matter separates close friends.
18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love its use will eat its fruit.
21:23 The one who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps his life from troubles.
25:11 Like apples of gold in settings of silver, so is a word skillfully spoken. 12 Like an earring of gold and an ornament of fine gold, so is a wise reprover to the ear of the one who listens.
Proverbs
10:19 When words abound, transgression is inevitable, but the one who restrains his words is wise.
11:13 The one who goes about slandering others reveals secrets, but the one who is trustworthy conceals a matter.
12:18 Speaking recklessly is like the thrusts of a sword, but the words of the wise bring healing.
12:25 Anxiety in a person’s heart weighs him down, but an encouraging word brings him joy.
15:1 A gentle response turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.
15:28 The heart of the righteous considers how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.
16:24 Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
17:9 The one who forgives an offense seeks love, but whoever repeats a matter separates close friends.
18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love its use will eat its fruit.
21:23 The one who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps his life from troubles.
25:11 Like apples of gold in settings of silver, so is a word skillfully spoken. 12 Like an earring of gold and an ornament of fine gold, so is a wise reprover to the ear of the one who listens.
James 3: 2-12
2 For we all stumble in many ways. If someone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect individual, able to control the entire body as well. 3 And if we put bits into the mouths of horses to get them to obey us, then we guide their entire bodies. 4 Look at ships too: Though they are so large and driven by harsh winds, they are steered by a tiny rudder wherever the pilot’s inclination directs. 5 So too the tongue is a small part of the body, yet it has great pretensions. Think how small a flame sets a huge forest ablaze. 6 And the tongue is a fire! The tongue represents the world of wrongdoing among the parts of our bodies. It pollutes the entire body and sets fire to the course of human existence – and is set on fire by hell. 7 For every kind of animal, bird, reptile, and sea creature is subdued and has been subdued by humankind. 8 But no human being can subdue the tongue; it is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. 9 With it we bless the Lord and Father, and with it we curse people made in God’s image. 10 From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. These things should not be so, my brothers and sisters. 11 A spring does not pour out fresh water and bitter water from the same opening, does it? 12 Can a fig tree produce olives, my brothers and sisters, or a vine produce figs? Neither can a salt water spring produce fresh water.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Walk the Talk: Representing Christ
I am not a perfect Christian by any means. There is so much I am still learning and working on. Some days I get it right, I think. . . but most days I probably miss the mark by more than I'd like to admit. Yet, I really do strive to "walk the talk" and pray continually for the Holy Spirit to convict me when I am not. I try not to judge because I know Jesus teaches, "first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye (Matthew 7:5)." I wasn't going to write this post because I didn't want to sound like a hypocrite who is admonishing a fellow Christian while I myself am still so flawed. But I feel that I am being compelled to write this for two reasons I will explain later. For now, let me tell the story that prompted this post.
This past weekend was my cousins' wedding. I met a Catholic priest (I don't know when or where he was ordained, but he identified himself as such) who was somehow connected to the family, and the groom's mother really wanted him to be the MC for the wedding reception. His role was to introduce the wedding party, the family members, etc. This would have been all fine except that he created so much drama and tension, both at rehearsal and during the wedding day. I won't go into all the details, but he was very prideful and boasted continuously about how the bride and groom should be honored he'd do their wedding. . . He basically offended the bride and groom and disrespected their religion, Buddhism. He offended me also even though I am Christian myself (though non-denominational). He told us we were too young to know anything of faith and tradition. I tried to stay silent and prayed the whole time for the Lord to guide me to the right words if I needed to talk. The tension mounted at the rehearsal dinner and I was unfortunately drawn into the discussion. I just quoted Proverbs 6:16-19 about the Lord hating "haughty eyes (pride)" and "anyone who causes dissension". I then said that God wants us to be humble and show love to each other. I don't know if what I said made any impact, because throughout the wedding the next day he continued to demand special attention and treatment for his role as MC. As coordinator I tried my best to appease him and meet his demands so that he would not bother the bride and groom. Still, at one point he used inappropriate "gesturing" and stormed out of the house during the tea ceremonies. He never once apologized for his behavior, only coming to me at the end of the day and told me that he was not upset with the way that I treated him. . . Thank God, everything somehow worked itself out and the wedding went well despite the bumps in the road and despite the drama with this priest.
It just saddened me that this so-called man of God was acting this way. I just pray that he did not turn many people away from Christianity. I tried my best to explain to people who witnessed his behavior that he was not showing the love of Christ as he should, and asked them not to judge Christianity by his example, but rather by the example of Christ. . . . And I tried also to not get upset by his behavior and to maintain my own composure. I slipped a few times, but hopefully not too badly. I know all too well the damage that can be done when so-called Christians act in hypocritical ways and pray that the Lord keeps me from becoming like that. I grew up going to church because my mother's family were proclaimed Christians. But even at a young age I could see the discrepancies between what they preached and how they acted. . .And that is one of the fundamental reasons I turned away from God and Christianity and became an atheist after my parents' divorce. I was an atheist for many years. After battling depression and illness I finally came to Christ because I finally witnessed true Christian love that exemplified the love of Christ for all of us (see earlier post on Love). I'm going to end with a poem that was quoted in Lee Strobel's book, The Unexpected Adventure. The author was a young woman named Maggie who was initially turned away from church because of inauthentic Christians. Thankfully she found a great church community who showed her the love of Christ as it should be demonstrated. She wrote:
Do you know
do you understand
that you represent
Jesus to me?
Do you know
do you understand
that when you treat me with gentleness,
it raises the question in my mind that maybe He is gentle, too.
Maybe He isn't someone
who laughs when I am hurt.
Do you know
do you understand
that when you listen to my questions
and you don't laugh,
I think, "What if Jesus is interested in me, too?"
Do you know
do you understand
that when I hear you talk about arguments
and conflict and scars from your past,
I think, "Maybe I am just a regular person
instead of a bad, no good little girl
who deserves abuse."
If you care,
I think maybe He cares --
and then there's this flame of hope
that burns inside of me
and for a while I am afraid to breathe
because it might go out.
Do you know
do you understand
that your words are His words?
Your face is His face
to someone like me?
Please, be who you say you are.
Please, God, don't let this be another trick.
Please let this be real.
Please!
Do you know
do you understand
that you represent
Jesus to me?
(p. 135-136)
I am writing this post for two reasons: (1) If you are a Christian, please watch how you represent yourself to other people because you can ultimately turn people away from Christ by your inauthentic behavior; and (2) If you are not yet Christian, please do not assume that every Christian is a good example of Christ's love and the gift only He can bring to your life. Christ shows more love than you can imagine, if only you seek him out and invite him into your heart. Lee Strobel commented in his book, "Spiritual seekers aren't looking for perfection in the Christians they encounter. But they do want authenticity -- that is, consistency between their beliefs and behavior, between their character and their creed. Unfortunately, when we lack integrity, we give people one more excuse to avoid God. Instead, to use Maggie's word, we just need to be real. (p. 137)."
One last thing. Please pray for this priest. Please pray that God will reveal himself to this priest and help to guide him to be better. He is obviously in a position of power and authority, and it would be such a shame if it were wasted. Please pray that this priest will be open and humble to Christ's truth so that God can really use him for His glory. Amen.
This past weekend was my cousins' wedding. I met a Catholic priest (I don't know when or where he was ordained, but he identified himself as such) who was somehow connected to the family, and the groom's mother really wanted him to be the MC for the wedding reception. His role was to introduce the wedding party, the family members, etc. This would have been all fine except that he created so much drama and tension, both at rehearsal and during the wedding day. I won't go into all the details, but he was very prideful and boasted continuously about how the bride and groom should be honored he'd do their wedding. . . He basically offended the bride and groom and disrespected their religion, Buddhism. He offended me also even though I am Christian myself (though non-denominational). He told us we were too young to know anything of faith and tradition. I tried to stay silent and prayed the whole time for the Lord to guide me to the right words if I needed to talk. The tension mounted at the rehearsal dinner and I was unfortunately drawn into the discussion. I just quoted Proverbs 6:16-19 about the Lord hating "haughty eyes (pride)" and "anyone who causes dissension". I then said that God wants us to be humble and show love to each other. I don't know if what I said made any impact, because throughout the wedding the next day he continued to demand special attention and treatment for his role as MC. As coordinator I tried my best to appease him and meet his demands so that he would not bother the bride and groom. Still, at one point he used inappropriate "gesturing" and stormed out of the house during the tea ceremonies. He never once apologized for his behavior, only coming to me at the end of the day and told me that he was not upset with the way that I treated him. . . Thank God, everything somehow worked itself out and the wedding went well despite the bumps in the road and despite the drama with this priest.
It just saddened me that this so-called man of God was acting this way. I just pray that he did not turn many people away from Christianity. I tried my best to explain to people who witnessed his behavior that he was not showing the love of Christ as he should, and asked them not to judge Christianity by his example, but rather by the example of Christ. . . . And I tried also to not get upset by his behavior and to maintain my own composure. I slipped a few times, but hopefully not too badly. I know all too well the damage that can be done when so-called Christians act in hypocritical ways and pray that the Lord keeps me from becoming like that. I grew up going to church because my mother's family were proclaimed Christians. But even at a young age I could see the discrepancies between what they preached and how they acted. . .And that is one of the fundamental reasons I turned away from God and Christianity and became an atheist after my parents' divorce. I was an atheist for many years. After battling depression and illness I finally came to Christ because I finally witnessed true Christian love that exemplified the love of Christ for all of us (see earlier post on Love). I'm going to end with a poem that was quoted in Lee Strobel's book, The Unexpected Adventure. The author was a young woman named Maggie who was initially turned away from church because of inauthentic Christians. Thankfully she found a great church community who showed her the love of Christ as it should be demonstrated. She wrote:
Do you know
do you understand
that you represent
Jesus to me?
Do you know
do you understand
that when you treat me with gentleness,
it raises the question in my mind that maybe He is gentle, too.
Maybe He isn't someone
who laughs when I am hurt.
Do you know
do you understand
that when you listen to my questions
and you don't laugh,
I think, "What if Jesus is interested in me, too?"
Do you know
do you understand
that when I hear you talk about arguments
and conflict and scars from your past,
I think, "Maybe I am just a regular person
instead of a bad, no good little girl
who deserves abuse."
If you care,
I think maybe He cares --
and then there's this flame of hope
that burns inside of me
and for a while I am afraid to breathe
because it might go out.
Do you know
do you understand
that your words are His words?
Your face is His face
to someone like me?
Please, be who you say you are.
Please, God, don't let this be another trick.
Please let this be real.
Please!
Do you know
do you understand
that you represent
Jesus to me?
(p. 135-136)
I am writing this post for two reasons: (1) If you are a Christian, please watch how you represent yourself to other people because you can ultimately turn people away from Christ by your inauthentic behavior; and (2) If you are not yet Christian, please do not assume that every Christian is a good example of Christ's love and the gift only He can bring to your life. Christ shows more love than you can imagine, if only you seek him out and invite him into your heart. Lee Strobel commented in his book, "Spiritual seekers aren't looking for perfection in the Christians they encounter. But they do want authenticity -- that is, consistency between their beliefs and behavior, between their character and their creed. Unfortunately, when we lack integrity, we give people one more excuse to avoid God. Instead, to use Maggie's word, we just need to be real. (p. 137)."
One last thing. Please pray for this priest. Please pray that God will reveal himself to this priest and help to guide him to be better. He is obviously in a position of power and authority, and it would be such a shame if it were wasted. Please pray that this priest will be open and humble to Christ's truth so that God can really use him for His glory. Amen.
Monday, June 20, 2011
The Golden Rule
"In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. (Matthew 7:12)."
This is often referred to as the Golden Rule and is quoted quite often by people in all walks of life. I have also heard the converse of this, "don't do to others what you don't want them to do to you." But in this negative form it misses the mark and becomes less significant. It's easier to refrain from harming others than to take the initiative to do something good for someone else. Think about it. On a daily basis most people can keep themselves from hitting or saying mean things to other people. But how many people will go out of their way to help someone else in need despite the inconvenience to themselves? By making this statement in the positive form, Jesus is teaching us to take action. He wants us to be doers of good. He wants us to actively and continually show mercy and agape love to others (see earlier blog post for a more detailed description of this selfless kind of love). This is the kind of love and grace that God shows us everyday and that is what he wants us to demonstrate to others. By saying that this sums up the Law and the Prophets, Jesus emphasizes the importance of this type of selfless action.
I thought about this scripture alot this weekend. I was helping to coordinate my cousin's wedding. It was a big job and I was so scared I would fail. The wedding involved multiple ceremonies at various locations -- in other words, lots of moving pieces. As with most weddings, there were some unforeseen situations and dramas that unfolded (both big and small). As one of the coordinators, my job was to diffuse them to the best of my ability so that the wedding could proceed on schedule and as smoothly as possible. It was a stressful day and at certain moments I definitely thought to myself, "What am I doing? How did I get myself into this mess? It's so unfair that I can't enjoy the festivities." But then I remembered Jesus's teachings. God first, other people second, and myself last. I wish that I could say that I executed this type of selflessness without complaint, but at certain points the stress got to me and I found myself either venting or barking commands and snapping at people. Thankfully I don't think there were too many of those moments, but enough to make me feel ashamed of them and wish I could turn back the clock and redo them. At the end of the day all that should matter is that my two cousins got the wedding of their dreams and that they are happy. I am grateful and honored that I got to be a part of it.
Today I noticed myself getting angry at other people not stepping up to help another family member who was in need. I think they didn't because of the inconvenience it would cause them and the sacrifice of time it would cost. My husband and I found ourselves agreeing to help even though it would be the hardest for us to do so since we have young children to also take care of. We kept thinking, "How unfair is it that we have to do this when it would be so much easier if someone else did it. How unfair and sad it is that no one else is offering to help." In the middle of venting to each other we had an epiphany: we realized that we were doing exactly what the others were doing: complaining. The bible teaches, "Do everything without complaining or arguing (Philippians 2:14)." What use is it to complain? It doesn't change things. And all that matters is that the family member is taken care of and receives the help that she needs.
What I learned this weekend is that it is hard to execute "Do to others what you would have them do to you." It often means that you do things that you don't want to do, things that will inconvenience you, or things that you find unfair. The worlds' standards of fairness are not the same as God's. The world says, "Do good to those who do good to you. Love those who love you back." Jesus says, "Love others as yourself (even if they don't love you). Love your enemies." So when you think that you have done more than your fair share to help someone else, don't stop. Do more. Be continual doers of good. There is a great movie about this called, Pay it Forward. Doing good deeds to others is contagious. If only we can all push our selfishness aside everyday and be truly selfless. What a better world we'd live in! There is a second part to this equation though. Actively showing love, mercy, and grace to others as God shows us means not complaining about it. For me, this is the hardest part. I really do try to do whatever I can to help friends and family and the occasional stranger, but I will admit that I don't always do it without some grumbling. . . I have to work on this. Will you too? Let's pay it forward.
This is often referred to as the Golden Rule and is quoted quite often by people in all walks of life. I have also heard the converse of this, "don't do to others what you don't want them to do to you." But in this negative form it misses the mark and becomes less significant. It's easier to refrain from harming others than to take the initiative to do something good for someone else. Think about it. On a daily basis most people can keep themselves from hitting or saying mean things to other people. But how many people will go out of their way to help someone else in need despite the inconvenience to themselves? By making this statement in the positive form, Jesus is teaching us to take action. He wants us to be doers of good. He wants us to actively and continually show mercy and agape love to others (see earlier blog post for a more detailed description of this selfless kind of love). This is the kind of love and grace that God shows us everyday and that is what he wants us to demonstrate to others. By saying that this sums up the Law and the Prophets, Jesus emphasizes the importance of this type of selfless action.
I thought about this scripture alot this weekend. I was helping to coordinate my cousin's wedding. It was a big job and I was so scared I would fail. The wedding involved multiple ceremonies at various locations -- in other words, lots of moving pieces. As with most weddings, there were some unforeseen situations and dramas that unfolded (both big and small). As one of the coordinators, my job was to diffuse them to the best of my ability so that the wedding could proceed on schedule and as smoothly as possible. It was a stressful day and at certain moments I definitely thought to myself, "What am I doing? How did I get myself into this mess? It's so unfair that I can't enjoy the festivities." But then I remembered Jesus's teachings. God first, other people second, and myself last. I wish that I could say that I executed this type of selflessness without complaint, but at certain points the stress got to me and I found myself either venting or barking commands and snapping at people. Thankfully I don't think there were too many of those moments, but enough to make me feel ashamed of them and wish I could turn back the clock and redo them. At the end of the day all that should matter is that my two cousins got the wedding of their dreams and that they are happy. I am grateful and honored that I got to be a part of it.
Today I noticed myself getting angry at other people not stepping up to help another family member who was in need. I think they didn't because of the inconvenience it would cause them and the sacrifice of time it would cost. My husband and I found ourselves agreeing to help even though it would be the hardest for us to do so since we have young children to also take care of. We kept thinking, "How unfair is it that we have to do this when it would be so much easier if someone else did it. How unfair and sad it is that no one else is offering to help." In the middle of venting to each other we had an epiphany: we realized that we were doing exactly what the others were doing: complaining. The bible teaches, "Do everything without complaining or arguing (Philippians 2:14)." What use is it to complain? It doesn't change things. And all that matters is that the family member is taken care of and receives the help that she needs.
What I learned this weekend is that it is hard to execute "Do to others what you would have them do to you." It often means that you do things that you don't want to do, things that will inconvenience you, or things that you find unfair. The worlds' standards of fairness are not the same as God's. The world says, "Do good to those who do good to you. Love those who love you back." Jesus says, "Love others as yourself (even if they don't love you). Love your enemies." So when you think that you have done more than your fair share to help someone else, don't stop. Do more. Be continual doers of good. There is a great movie about this called, Pay it Forward. Doing good deeds to others is contagious. If only we can all push our selfishness aside everyday and be truly selfless. What a better world we'd live in! There is a second part to this equation though. Actively showing love, mercy, and grace to others as God shows us means not complaining about it. For me, this is the hardest part. I really do try to do whatever I can to help friends and family and the occasional stranger, but I will admit that I don't always do it without some grumbling. . . I have to work on this. Will you too? Let's pay it forward.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Forgiveness in the midst of conflict
We had a gathering with family today that did not go exactly as planned. . . Family can often bring out the worst in us. I think it has to do with all the history such as unresolved issues and baggage accumulated over the years. It's all the little slights, the big hurts, things said or unsaid -- all old wounds that haven't completely healed. One person's impatience coupled with another person's all too sensitive nature and BOOM -- an explosion of misunderstanding fueled by futile attempts to remedy the situation using our own efforts. Each person tries to explain their side of the story and seek validation that they are innocent -- that the other person is to blame for everything. Oh, how common this story is! It happens in all types of relationships: husband-wife, parent-child, sister-brother, friend-friend. It's an inescapable consequence of living in a fallen world where sin is so pervasive. This is why there are NO innocents in situations like these. Everyone is to blame in some form or fashion, even if one person may contribute more to the misunderstanding than the other.
When emotions are high, it is so hard to see clearly. This is why it is so hard to resolve conflict while each person is still defensive. I attempted, not so successfully, to step in and mediate between two family members. In doing so I made the same mistake that they did: I was relying initially on my own strength and efforts. But our own words are never as eloquent as those inspired and guided by God. Consequently, I got pulled into the argument myself because of shared history. . . It took divine intervention before the situation could be diffused.
There are no coincidences with God. I believe that God uses all circumstances in our lives to draw us closer to him, to teach us valuable lessons that improve our character, or to glorify him in some other way. This afternoon was a series of circumstances that ultimately came together in His divine plan to reveal Himself in the midst of our conflict and to draw us closer together as family and followers of Christ. For example, lighting, thunder, and strong winds started outside at the moment conflict reached a breaking point. The inclement weather echoed the tempest of emotions being stirred up inside the house and in our hearts. Chaos erupted outside to remind us that God does not like dissension, quarreling, or displays of anger among his people because of their destructive nature. They allow Satan and sin to take a foothold in our lives. So, we all went to separate corners and each prayed in our own way for the Lord to show us how to resolve the conflict and teach us to make peace. The Lord softened every one's heart making each person more receptive to what the others had to say without defensiveness. It was no coincidence either that we recently began a study of the book of James, and it was the discussion of what we learned about trials, tests, and their role in spiritual maturity that ultimately diffused the situation.
To quote a wise man who spoke at a CBS (Community Bible Study) class that I attended, "Forgiveness is the secret to a lifetime of happiness in relationships." It is true of all types of human relationships. We are all flawed individuals who sin. Consequently, we will knowingly or unknowingly continue to hurt those around us and we will continue to be hurt by others around us. We need God's grace to remedy this inevitable situation, especially in the middle of conflict. As we lean on Him, he will teach us to forgive and to show love despite pain and dissension.
The lessons we learned today:
(1) Be careful to not let our anger and impatience lead us to quarrel and conflict. "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires (James 1:19-20)."
(2) Pray in the middle of conflict for God to help us to have meaningful conversation. On our own we will not be able to achieve this. We need to pray for God to "change our hearts" (Malachi 4:6) so that we can really hear and listen to the other person so that instead of turning away from each other, we can turn towards each other.
(3) We have to pray for God to show us our faults and help us to accept them without pride and humble ourselves in front of our "enemy" admitting our own blame. "Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me. And lead me into the way everlasting (Psalm 139:23-24)."
(4) We pray for the other person -- the "enemy" or the one who has wronged or hurt us in conflict. "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you (Matthew 5:44)."
(5) This is very hard to do because we are so angry with the other person, but we have to pray for God's enabling grace to help us to show love even when we least want to. This involves forgiveness. "Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them together in perfect unity (Colossians 3:12-14)."
When emotions are high, it is so hard to see clearly. This is why it is so hard to resolve conflict while each person is still defensive. I attempted, not so successfully, to step in and mediate between two family members. In doing so I made the same mistake that they did: I was relying initially on my own strength and efforts. But our own words are never as eloquent as those inspired and guided by God. Consequently, I got pulled into the argument myself because of shared history. . . It took divine intervention before the situation could be diffused.
There are no coincidences with God. I believe that God uses all circumstances in our lives to draw us closer to him, to teach us valuable lessons that improve our character, or to glorify him in some other way. This afternoon was a series of circumstances that ultimately came together in His divine plan to reveal Himself in the midst of our conflict and to draw us closer together as family and followers of Christ. For example, lighting, thunder, and strong winds started outside at the moment conflict reached a breaking point. The inclement weather echoed the tempest of emotions being stirred up inside the house and in our hearts. Chaos erupted outside to remind us that God does not like dissension, quarreling, or displays of anger among his people because of their destructive nature. They allow Satan and sin to take a foothold in our lives. So, we all went to separate corners and each prayed in our own way for the Lord to show us how to resolve the conflict and teach us to make peace. The Lord softened every one's heart making each person more receptive to what the others had to say without defensiveness. It was no coincidence either that we recently began a study of the book of James, and it was the discussion of what we learned about trials, tests, and their role in spiritual maturity that ultimately diffused the situation.
To quote a wise man who spoke at a CBS (Community Bible Study) class that I attended, "Forgiveness is the secret to a lifetime of happiness in relationships." It is true of all types of human relationships. We are all flawed individuals who sin. Consequently, we will knowingly or unknowingly continue to hurt those around us and we will continue to be hurt by others around us. We need God's grace to remedy this inevitable situation, especially in the middle of conflict. As we lean on Him, he will teach us to forgive and to show love despite pain and dissension.
The lessons we learned today:
(1) Be careful to not let our anger and impatience lead us to quarrel and conflict. "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires (James 1:19-20)."
(2) Pray in the middle of conflict for God to help us to have meaningful conversation. On our own we will not be able to achieve this. We need to pray for God to "change our hearts" (Malachi 4:6) so that we can really hear and listen to the other person so that instead of turning away from each other, we can turn towards each other.
(3) We have to pray for God to show us our faults and help us to accept them without pride and humble ourselves in front of our "enemy" admitting our own blame. "Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me. And lead me into the way everlasting (Psalm 139:23-24)."
(4) We pray for the other person -- the "enemy" or the one who has wronged or hurt us in conflict. "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you (Matthew 5:44)."
(5) This is very hard to do because we are so angry with the other person, but we have to pray for God's enabling grace to help us to show love even when we least want to. This involves forgiveness. "Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them together in perfect unity (Colossians 3:12-14)."
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Love
I will tell you that growing up I did not know what love meant. Of course I "knew" that my parents loved me, but I did not "feel" it. I'm not trying to blame my parents. They were first generation immigrants and had to work extra hard and long hours just to make ends meet. The generational, cultural, and language barriers also made it challenging for them to relate to us children who were born and raised in America. When they divorced, my brother and I lived with my father. My father is in many ways a very traditional Asian man -- in this context this means he shows little emotion because strong emotions are viewed as a sign of weakness in many Asian cultures. It was not until my wedding day that I saw him shed a tear and heard him say that he loved me -- I will never forget that bittersweet moment. As you can imagine, it was hard for me growing up because, as I mentioned before in an earlier post, one of my primary love languages is words of affirmation. Now that I am older, I realize that my parents truly did the best they could, just as we all do. I know now that my father shows his love not by words, but by deeds. For example, he will come and fix anything that we need fixed at the house, or he'll give the kids money for no reason. I am thankful that we share a much closer relationship now.
But like I said, I really didn't understand what love meant when I was younger. I just felt that it was somehow conditional, as in I had to be a "good" girl in order to receive it. Meeting my husband in college was my first encounter with a love that included acceptance despite all my flaws. At that time I was still struggling with deep depression and I clung onto him for dear life, thinking he was my life preserver. You know the saying, "You cannot truly love another unless you first love yourself?" Well I hated myself and kept thinking that no one could truly love me in return, which is why I think subconsciously I was so clingy. I was afraid of losing him and love, not realizing that I was actually pushing him away by my neediness. He loved me, sure, but he definitely felt stifled and weighed down. He came from a strong Christian family and gave his life to Jesus at an early age. So he would talk to me about God and His divine love, but I really didn't understand. I had no experience with the type of unconditional, self-sacrificing love that he spoke of. And the whole image of God, our Father, who loves us as a parent loves a child, I totally did not understand for the reasons I already mentioned. So our relationship struggled for several years because I just did not understand the concept of love.
Thankfully, God used the circumstances in my life to bring me to a point of brokenness (e.g., depression and illness) to really open my eyes to His holy love and grace. He had been trying to show me all along that I was not alone, but I was so lost, I could not hear or recognize the displays of love from the people around me. When I finally gave my life to Jesus, I finally understood. "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, so that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)." The Greek word used in this passage for love is "agapao". Which is why Christians today use the words Agape Love to describe the love of God. This type of love is active, unconditional, selfless and self-sacrificing. For "God is Love (1 John 4:8)." Recognizing that God loved me despite everything, I learned to love myself, and then truly love another person without strings attached.
I am a parent and I love my children more than anything in the world. They enrich my life and I love them even when they do something they shouldn't or when they irritate me. Yet, I know I fall short everyday of displaying agape love to them. I lose my patience with them more times than I'd like to admit over the smallest things, which then leads me to say and do things I wish I could take back. And seriously, although I love them, sometimes I just want to be left alone. I'm sure some of you can relate. Still, I love them so much I could not imagine trading one of their lives for anything. It makes me teary just imagining that something awful could happen to them. I would be utterly distraught. But that's exactly what God did. He traded the life of his only son, Jesus, for the lives of all of us. Even though we are sinners and fall short of God's righteousness, He loved us all as his children. He wants us all back home with him in Heaven. So He traded the life of the One for the many. What a precious, invaluable gift that is! And Jesus loved us so much also. He knew God's plan. He knew he would die for all of us, yet he still went to his death without hesitation and without complaint. He knew the power of love, and commanded us even as he was being tried and sentenced, to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. For this is the first and greatest commandments. The second is love your neighbor as yourself. All the love and prophets hang on these two commandments. (Matthew 22:37-40)." In all these cases, the word used for love is "agapao". He loved us so much, as he was dying he prayed not for deliverance, but that God would forgive the enemies who nailed him to the cross! "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing (Luke 23:34)."
We are called to love God unconditionally and unselfishly, and sacrificially (putting Him first before all else) and secondly to love others MORE than we love ourselves, just as God and Christ loved us. We are even to love our enemies, "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you (Matthew 5:44)." What a high standard to live up to! But it is the least we can do after receiving the free gift of eternal life! "Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud (1 Corinthians 13:4)."
But like I said, I really didn't understand what love meant when I was younger. I just felt that it was somehow conditional, as in I had to be a "good" girl in order to receive it. Meeting my husband in college was my first encounter with a love that included acceptance despite all my flaws. At that time I was still struggling with deep depression and I clung onto him for dear life, thinking he was my life preserver. You know the saying, "You cannot truly love another unless you first love yourself?" Well I hated myself and kept thinking that no one could truly love me in return, which is why I think subconsciously I was so clingy. I was afraid of losing him and love, not realizing that I was actually pushing him away by my neediness. He loved me, sure, but he definitely felt stifled and weighed down. He came from a strong Christian family and gave his life to Jesus at an early age. So he would talk to me about God and His divine love, but I really didn't understand. I had no experience with the type of unconditional, self-sacrificing love that he spoke of. And the whole image of God, our Father, who loves us as a parent loves a child, I totally did not understand for the reasons I already mentioned. So our relationship struggled for several years because I just did not understand the concept of love.
Thankfully, God used the circumstances in my life to bring me to a point of brokenness (e.g., depression and illness) to really open my eyes to His holy love and grace. He had been trying to show me all along that I was not alone, but I was so lost, I could not hear or recognize the displays of love from the people around me. When I finally gave my life to Jesus, I finally understood. "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, so that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)." The Greek word used in this passage for love is "agapao". Which is why Christians today use the words Agape Love to describe the love of God. This type of love is active, unconditional, selfless and self-sacrificing. For "God is Love (1 John 4:8)." Recognizing that God loved me despite everything, I learned to love myself, and then truly love another person without strings attached.
I am a parent and I love my children more than anything in the world. They enrich my life and I love them even when they do something they shouldn't or when they irritate me. Yet, I know I fall short everyday of displaying agape love to them. I lose my patience with them more times than I'd like to admit over the smallest things, which then leads me to say and do things I wish I could take back. And seriously, although I love them, sometimes I just want to be left alone. I'm sure some of you can relate. Still, I love them so much I could not imagine trading one of their lives for anything. It makes me teary just imagining that something awful could happen to them. I would be utterly distraught. But that's exactly what God did. He traded the life of his only son, Jesus, for the lives of all of us. Even though we are sinners and fall short of God's righteousness, He loved us all as his children. He wants us all back home with him in Heaven. So He traded the life of the One for the many. What a precious, invaluable gift that is! And Jesus loved us so much also. He knew God's plan. He knew he would die for all of us, yet he still went to his death without hesitation and without complaint. He knew the power of love, and commanded us even as he was being tried and sentenced, to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. For this is the first and greatest commandments. The second is love your neighbor as yourself. All the love and prophets hang on these two commandments. (Matthew 22:37-40)." In all these cases, the word used for love is "agapao". He loved us so much, as he was dying he prayed not for deliverance, but that God would forgive the enemies who nailed him to the cross! "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing (Luke 23:34)."
We are called to love God unconditionally and unselfishly, and sacrificially (putting Him first before all else) and secondly to love others MORE than we love ourselves, just as God and Christ loved us. We are even to love our enemies, "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you (Matthew 5:44)." What a high standard to live up to! But it is the least we can do after receiving the free gift of eternal life! "Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud (1 Corinthians 13:4)."
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)