Morning pick me up

"I need and miss my coffee!"  I just posted this about an hour ago on FB.  I had yet another sleepless night filled with countless dreams.  Dreams occur during REM sleep, which is actually a phase of lighter sleep. . . So a night filled with dreams that I actually remember means that I never got that deep sleep that my body so needs.   I struggle with sleep difficulties, a type of insomnia that has to do with the maintanence of my sleep.  It may take me a while to fall asleep, but eventually I do.  The problem is that I can't stay asleep and wake up every couple of hours and take a while to fall back asleep again.   Now that I am pregnant with our third child, these difficulties are exacerbated.  I wake up now every hour or so -- seriously, I know because I look at the clock!  I am so exhausted everyday that I go to bed early by 9:30ish (I know, I'm an old fart).  But come 10:30/ 11 I'm up, then 12/1, then 2/3, then 4/5. . . And well the kids then get up around 6:30/ 7 so that means I'm up for the day also.  Is it the kids that are waking me up?  Nope.  They are pretty good sleepers overall getting close to 11-12 hours each night (Oh I'm jealous!).   And the husband's snoring (love him!) probably doesn't help the situation, but really I just wake up for no reason.  Well, now that I'm pregnant, necessary bathroom breaks may be part of the reason, I guess. 

Due to my sleep issues, I had gotten into a nasty habit of having my morning cup of coffee (iced caramel latte -- yum!!!) just to give me a morning pick me up and help me to get through the day.  I relied on that jump start every morning.  Now that I'm pregnant, I'm trying to be good and not take the coffee because of the caffeine (besides, it is a costly habit!).  But without it I have been dragging most days.  I have been persistently praying to God for better sleep.  I almost sound like a broken record.  And night after night it was the same and no better.   So obviously, even though I was trying really hard not to, I was getting frustrated.  My foggy sleep-deprived brain could not allow myself to think that there was a purpose to it.  I kept thinking, "Just a few solid hours of sleep and I would be a much better mother, more patient, less irritable.  I'd be a better housewife with just a few more hours so I have the energy to clean and cook. . . A few more hours of sleep and I won't snap at my husband. . . "

This morning, I finally heard God's answer.  Again, I was so focused on my "need" and "desire" for sleep that I lost focus of him and what he could be using this trial for in my life.  While sitting at the breakfast table thinking of coffee, it hit me like a ton of bricks, "Amy, you are relying on the wrong thing!  Your morning cup should be me, My Word, my Grace!  I will get you through it!"  Oh, how humbling that moment was.  And how I needed that reminder!  "My grace is sufficient for you.  My strength is made perfect in weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9)"  God wants us to turn to him in moments of daily weakness.  Instead of coffee or other means of a pick me up, he wants us to seek his grace.  His grace is limitless and it will carry us through any obstacle.  It does not mean we won't have difficulties and challenges, but he promises that he will give us the stength to get through it when we would otherwise not be able to on our own.  Granted, there is nothing wrong with coffee.  But it should not replace God in our lives.

Dear Lord, thank you for the reminder today that I should be turning to you for the strength and grace to make it through the day.   When I am weary and tired, and just at the end of my rope,  it is not coffee that I need, it is you, only you.  Please give me that extra dose of grace I need today, Lord, so that I may too have the strength to show grace and love to my family.  Amen.