Silence

The kids are in bed early. . .  The dog is sleeping. . .  The husband is still out. . . The house is silent.   How I enjoy these times!  With two young kids and an extroverted husband, absolute silence is rare.   As much as I love talking and spending time with my family and friends, I know that as an introvert I greatly need times of silence to rest and recharge.  

It is ironic that being a lover of silence, it has taken me years to fully appreciate God's silence and what it means.   In the past, as a relatively new Christian, I equated God's presence with actively hearing his voice in my life or with his clear answers to prayers.   I knew that as a Christian I would undergo trials and tests, either as consequences of my own sinful nature or as direct tests from God challenging me to grow and mature.  Yet I did not understand those times when God was silent.  Sometimes I would pray fervently about something and would hear nothing.  I wish I could say I persevered all those times and that I stood the tests, but that would be a lie.  My faith wavered quite a lot during those early years.  If things went well, I would be praising God!  If things went bad, I would be like David crying out, "O God, do not keep silent, be not quiet, O God, be not still!" (Psalm 83:1)  Or like Job, "Though I cry, I've been wronged! I get no response; though I call for help, there is no justice." (Job 19:7).  Then my insecurities would begin to attack and I would lose confidence.  I would start thinking that perhaps God didn't care about me.  Perhaps he wasn't listening.  

I realize now that I was wrong in assuming these things. God never stops caring!  And as believers, Christ walks with us each day of our lives and we have the Holy Spirit guiding us.  We are never alone anymore.  Consequently, God's silence does not mean apathy and indifference because he is never far from us.  Instead, his silence is itself a response.  In the same way that his Words are purposeful, His silence also has a purpose.  Silence tests our faith.  How much do we trust him?  How much confidence do we have in his love?  How secure are we in knowing that he is there ready to catch us if we fall?  Think of the example of a father teaching his child to walk or ride a bike for the first time.  The loving father will always be behind just in case of a stumble.  If the child doubts his father's presence and keeps looking back at each step, his feet will falter.  Yet, if the child is confident in his father's loving support, he will look straight ahead and take off on his own, knowing he does not need to look back to see his father there behind him.  God is our Holy Father and he loves us more than we will ever know.  His love is unfathomable because he loved us so much he sacrificed his son for us.  That kind of love will shelter and support us unconditionally.   Just as a parent steps back occasionally and lets a child learn to take steps, so too God steps back in silence so that we can use that time to learn.  Silence is a time to learn about ourselves and about his character and our relationship with him. 

It has been weeks since I last wrote a blog post.   Having dedicated this blog to God and his purposes, I was a bit anxious about why I was not feeling inspired to write anything.   I had not experienced this type of "writer's block" before.  I never knew the topics I would write about ahead of time, but usually my inspiration would come from a trial or event in my life.  I would hear a clear voice, distinguishable from my own, giving me the theme.   For weeks I have been worried that I was missing His voice.   Was I not seeking him enough and therefore not hearing him?  A few days ago I read a devotional that really convicted me.  It was on Galatians 3:3, "Are you so foolish?  After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?"  Having not heard any inspiring themes from God, I was starting a list of topics to write on my own, but I was having difficulty because my thoughts were not flowing nicely as they usually do when I write.  So I rightly took that as a sign that I was writing about the wrong topics.  Then today while researching scripture, I had an epiphany:  God has blessed me with the gift of silence.  What can I learn from this?  God's silence is purposeful and powerful.  What I need to do is trust in His will, not my own.  There is a perfect timing for everything (Ecclesiastes 3) and only God knows it.  If he hasn't spoken clearly to me, there is a reason to wait for his direction.  Instead of relying on my own efforts,  I need to be patient through the silence and be open to seeking His Word, learning more of His Will, and submitting to it with absolute obedience.  

Silences can sometimes be awkward, especially among people we don't know well.   But have you ever thought about how comforting it is to be with someone who has known you for years with whom you can just sit in silence and not have to speak? That's a sign of intimacy. What I realized this week was that my relationship with God has moved to a point where silence can actually be comforting.   I no longer worry that he's not there and not listening. I know he is. What I realized this time is that his silence is a blessing because through it I have learned a valuable lesson about myself, patience, and how better to serve him.  Thank you, Lord, for your gift of silence these past few weeks.