Heartless Words

Several times this week I have lashed out at my husband with my words.  I won't go into the details of each incident, but let's just say they were not pretty.  Being near that "special time of the month", this did not help matters.  But really, there is no excuse for my behavior.  When I get upset and angry, my tongue often gets the better of me.  I slip and say things that I normally wouldn't say and really don't mean -- things I regret when the dust clears and the emotional waves calm.   I let my tongue control me instead of exercising restraint. 

We recently began a study of the book of James.  I was truly convicted this week after doing our lesson and reading again James 3: 1-12 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=James+3%3A1-12&version=NIV).  If you know me personally, you know that I often admit (after the fact) that my tongue gets me into trouble.  I often talk too much, too bluntly, or too severely, without first thinking.   And like I said, this gets worse when emotions (or hormones) are in an uproar.  So I have often turned to these passages in James for guidance in the past.  James uses different imagery to illustrate the nature of the tongue.  Like the bit in the mouth of a horse, or a ship's rudder, it is a small part that can direct and guide the rest of the body.  It can guide towards good (praise and encouragement) or bad (evil and curses).  It is like a spark that can set the whole forest on fire, destroy, and corrupt.  And like an animal, it is hard to tame.  But it too can be like a beautiful tree that can provide for our needs and bear fruit. 

In doing my study this week, I finally understood the last part of these verses.   I finally realized that the real problem is not that my tongue is getting the better of me, it is the inconsistent nature of my speech.  At times words of encouragement and praise come out of my mouth, but then other times the words are meant to cut and hurt.  I am thoroughly ashamed afterwards, of course, and I ask for forgiveness.  However, once uttered, these words can't be taken back and they are not soon forgotten.   I finally realized that my inconsistency of speech might really mask a deeper problem:  the inconsistency of my heart.  "The things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man unclean.  For out of the heart comes evil thoughts, false testimony, slander. . .  (Matthew 15:18,19)."  And if my heart is the real issue, then oh, how I have been deceiving myself!

If any of this resonates with you, will you say a little prayer with me? 

Dear Lord, you know my heart better than I know it myself.  Please forgive and convict me of all wrong and ill-will that is harbored there.  Help me to purge my heart of all that is unclean.  Let me not deceive myself.  Please give me the grace and strength to overcome my emotions so that I am not tempted again to lash out in anger.  Instead let the Spirit guide me to speak words that are fitting (or stay silent when I should) and use my words only to lift others up rather than tear them down.  Amen.