Love

I will tell you that growing up I did not know what love meant.  Of course I "knew" that my parents loved me, but I did not "feel" it.  I'm not trying to blame my parents.  They were first generation immigrants and had to work extra hard and long hours just to make ends meet.  The generational, cultural, and language barriers also made it challenging for them to relate to us children who were born and raised in America.  When they divorced, my brother and I lived with my father.  My father is in many ways a very traditional Asian man -- in this context this means he shows little emotion because strong emotions are viewed as a sign of weakness in many Asian cultures.   It was not until my wedding day that I saw him shed a tear and heard him say that he loved me -- I will never forget that bittersweet moment.  As you can imagine, it was hard for me growing up because, as I mentioned before in an earlier post, one of my primary love languages is words of affirmation. Now that I am older, I realize that my parents truly did the best they could, just as we all do.   I know now that my father shows his love not by words, but by deeds.  For example, he will come and fix anything that we need fixed at the house, or he'll give the kids money for no reason.  I am thankful that we share a much closer relationship now.

But like I said, I really didn't understand what love meant when I was younger.  I just felt that it was somehow conditional, as in I had to be a "good" girl in order to receive it.  Meeting my husband in college was my first encounter with a love that included acceptance despite all my flaws.  At that time I was still struggling with deep depression and I clung onto him for dear life, thinking he was my life preserver.   You know the saying, "You cannot truly love another unless you first love yourself?"  Well I hated myself and kept thinking that no one could truly love me in return, which is why I think subconsciously I was so clingy.  I was afraid of losing him and love, not realizing that I was actually pushing him away by my neediness.  He loved me, sure, but he definitely felt stifled and weighed down.  He came from a strong Christian family and gave his life to Jesus at an early age.  So he would talk to me about God and His divine love, but I really didn't understand.  I had no experience with the type of unconditional, self-sacrificing love that he spoke of.  And the whole image of God, our Father, who loves us as a parent loves a child, I totally did not understand for the reasons I already mentioned.   So our relationship struggled for several years because I just did not understand the concept of love.  

Thankfully, God used the circumstances in my life to bring me to a point of brokenness (e.g., depression and illness) to really open my eyes to His holy love and grace.  He had been trying to show me all along that I was not alone, but I was so lost, I could not hear or recognize the displays of love from the people around me.  When I finally gave my life to Jesus, I finally understood.  "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, so that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)."  The Greek word used in this passage for love is "agapao".  Which is why Christians today use the words Agape Love to describe the love of God.  This type of love is active, unconditional, selfless and self-sacrificing.  For "God is Love (1 John 4:8)."  Recognizing that God loved me despite everything, I learned to love myself, and then truly love another person without strings attached.

I am a parent and I love my children more than anything in the world.  They enrich my life and I love them even when they do something they shouldn't or when they irritate me.  Yet, I know I fall short everyday of displaying agape love to them.  I lose my patience with them more times than I'd like to admit over the smallest things, which then leads me to say and do things I wish I could take back.  And seriously, although I love them, sometimes I just want to be left alone.  I'm sure some of you can relate.  Still, I love them so much I could not imagine trading one of their lives for anything.  It makes me teary just imagining that something awful could happen to them.  I would be utterly distraught.  But that's exactly what God did.  He traded the life of his only son, Jesus, for the lives of all of us.  Even though we are sinners and fall short of God's righteousness, He loved us all as his children.  He wants us all back home with him in Heaven.  So He traded the life of the One for the many.  What a precious, invaluable gift that is!  And Jesus loved us so much also.  He knew God's plan.  He knew he would die for all of us, yet he still went to his death without hesitation and without complaint.   He knew the power of love, and commanded us even as he was being tried and sentenced,  to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. For this is the first and greatest commandments.  The second is love your neighbor as yourself. All the love and prophets hang on these two commandments. (Matthew 22:37-40)." In all these cases, the word used for love is "agapao".  He loved us so much, as he was dying he prayed not for deliverance, but that God would forgive the enemies who nailed him to the cross! "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing (Luke 23:34)." 

We are called to love God unconditionally and unselfishly, and sacrificially (putting Him first before all else) and secondly to love others MORE than we love ourselves, just as God and Christ loved us.  We are even to love our enemies, "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you (Matthew 5:44)."  What a high standard to live up to!  But it is the least we can do after receiving the free gift of eternal life!  "Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud (1 Corinthians 13:4)."