I write a lot about the trials that I go through, big and small, and the lessons that I learn from them. I believe that most of my spiritual growth occurs in the trenches of daily life. The trenches for me include times when I'm overwhelmed by parenting duties; when my kids are misbehaving; when my kids are disobeying me; when my husband and I fight; and when I struggle to balance the constant demands and responsibilities on my plate. . . These are the moments when my self-reliance, efforts, and pride prove insufficient -- instead His grace is more than enough. It is in the trenches that I learn to die unto myself, giving up my selfish ways and attitudes, learning to become more of the person He wants me to be. It is during trials when I learn to lean wholeheartedly on God. So although I write mostly about these times, I want you to know that I also enjoy many wonderful, joyful, and beautiful moments with my children.
I don't always share them here, but I do keep a journal for my children with quotes and daily recordings of things that they do and experiences that we get to share as a family. Someday I plan to give them to my three princesses as a gift. Someday when they are grown and perhaps have families of their own they might read my words and cherish them and know how much I love them. Perhaps someday they will cry, laugh, and maybe even gain some wisdom from my ramblings. . . Until then, despite the challenges I sometimes face being their mother, I am thankful for the precious moments I have with them. I am thankful for how God gave me three beautiful little princesses, each specifically knit together in my womb, and given to me as a gift. God chose me to be their mother for reasons I do not fully understand. In the meantime, it is my primary task to raise them to be Godly women to the best of my ability, trusting that He will fill in where I am lacking. And if I am to succeed in doing this, I realize that I have to stop focusing on their misbehavior and disobedience, and moments when they drive me almost insane. I read a blog entry recently that convicted me about this: http://impressyourkids.org/self-parenting-and-seeing-jesus-in-our-kids/. In it the author writes:
I want to SEE—SEE Jesus in the faces of my kids. Not just Jesus shining through them. Not just his attitudes and desires as their own. But I want to see them as the image of God and not just a child disobeying. I want to see them as souls designed to connect with their Creator and not as a pesky preschooler.
This is Arianna, my 5 year old. She is amazing. She is petite and dainty with dark brown hair that catches the sun glinting red, and she has these large brown eyes that are so expressive and deep. She is bright and inquisitive and very spirited. She takes after her father and has a great grasp of logic and reasoning. I sometimes say she is my little lawyer. She will debate and argue her point persistently. This can be trying at times for me as a parent, but I know this will be an asset to her when she is older. Her intellect is balanced by a good sense of imagination and creativity. She comes up with wonderful games and play to entertain her younger sister. Arianna has great confidence and a good sense of who she is and what is right and wrong (even if she doesn't follow it always). In many ways she seems a lot older than she really is because she is very verbal and articulate. She was advanced and early in hitting her developmental milestones (and I am not just saying that as a biased mother). She walked when she was 9 months old and ran by 10 months old and talking well before 2 years old. Being such an early walker, her gross motor skills are great making her very agile and athletic. She is also daring and adventurous when it comes to climbing, jumping, and physical feats. Arianna is an extrovert and gets her energy from being around people and interacting with others. She loves to talk. She is also very mothering, like a little mother hen. She takes very good care of her two younger sisters, taking them potty, brushing teeth, reading books, and getting diapers, and rocking them. She has a wonderful servant's heart and I am thankful she is such a great mother's helper. But most of all, I am thankful that at a mere 5 years old, Arianna already seems to have accepted Jesus as her personal Lord and Savior and nurtures a relationship with him where she will pray to him when scared or upset. She also seems to have a grasp of the fundamentals of Christianity and faith. Praise the Lord!
This is Cara, my 2.5 year old. She is absolutely darling. She is tall, taking after her father's side of the family. Her hair and complexion are the lightest of my three girls. Her hair is always a bit unruly, not wanting to lay straight, curling in here and there, adding to her adorable personality. I always say that she smiles with her eyes because they literally sparkle when she laughs and smiles. She is generally mild, quiet-tempered, and soft-spoken in comparison to her sister. By nature she seems more of an introvert. She is often content sitting and reading, drawing, or watching TV, but she also delights in playing the games that big sister comes up with. Yet after being in the company of big sister or other playmates for too long, she always desires her own personal space. She generally is more cautious in nature, seeming to assess risk before she delves into things. She definitely is a girly girl and adores everything "princess." She always likes to wear pretty, frilly dresses or skirts rather than jeans and pants. She loves to play dress-up and has a rainbow tutu that she wears almost every day along with butterfly/ fairy wings. She likes to dance ballet and twirl all around the house. She LOVES the color purple, almost to obsession. She always picks the purple crayon or marker, the purple shoes, and purple dress (unfortunately being a 2nd child she has lots of hand-me downs from big sister that are mostly pink). Cara also seems very attuned to the feelings of others and seems to be a sensitive soul while being a bit sassy at the same time. She has a wonderful imagination and sense of humor that is only starting to unfold and it's wonderful to witness.
Last but not least, this is Evelyn. She is only one month old -- how time flies already! She is adorable and we are so in love! It is still too early to know what her personality will be like, but for now I am thankful for her nursing better and sleeping better. I am thankful for her precious baby smiles and coos that make waking up in the middle of the night worth it. I love her soft hair and smooth skin and the sweet baby scent that can't adequately be described.
Lord, thank you for my precious angels. Thank you that today I could take a moment to savor their wonderful qualities and what wonderful gifts they are to me. Help me even in the midst of their misbehavior and disobedience to remember to view them through your eyes, Lord. Thank you for letting me be their mother. Please guide me in wisdom and discernment as I parent them. Amen.
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