My oldest daughter, for as long as we remember, has had bouts of recurrent fevers. It has become a mystery as to why they keep occurring. So far blood tests have come back normal. The most probable diagnosis is a type of periodic fever syndrome -- and even this is rather vague. There isn't much to be done other than to manage the fever when it occurs. In between episodes she is completely healthy and happy, and her development is fine. We are still praying to discover the cause of these fevers and to perhaps find a cure for them -- whatever that may be. But really, of all the illnesses my daughter could have, this isn't such a bad one. More than anything it's just inconvenient. The fevers cause her to miss school and other activities for days at a time. When she has an episode, she lays on the couch for days. This type of laying around goes against her very nature. She is the child who has to constantly be doing something. She does not like to be still. She is our gymnast who does one-handed cartwheels for hours on our living room floor. She is our climber who literally scales our walls like a spider-girl. She is not a child who likes to rest.
I hate to see my little girl sick and not herself. However, I have been thinking that perhaps these fevers serve a good purpose. Perhaps it is her body's way to tell her she needs to rest. She refuses to ever admit that she is tired, even if her eyes are having a hard time staying open. She proclaims, "I don't need rest! I don't want to! I am fine!" If you listen to her you'd think we invented a new form of torture by making her stay in bed.
Teaching my daughter to rest has made me think a lot about Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God." In other translations the words "be still" are replaced with "cease striving." In other words, I believe this means to "let go." Let go of what? In observing my daughter struggling and fighting against the rest that she needs, I think it's about letting go of control. I would tell her I knew what was best for her, but she disagreed. She wanted to be in control of when and where she would rest -- if she were to rest at all.
Perhaps I speak only for myself. . . but like my daughter, I think we all sometimes fight against what we know is good for us. We strive constantly to control every aspect of our lives. We stay busy, active, and moving because it gives us an illusion of control. When we are doing something we feel like we are in the driver's seat. We believe we are the ones who know the best about everything that pertains to our lives. We are wrong. When we give our lives to Jesus, he should now be in the driver's seat. He is now the one that we should lean on and trust to guide us where we need to go. He is the one who knows the best for us and has a plan for us that is good (Jeremiah 29:11). To cease striving means to stop struggling against him. It means to stop trying to wrestle the steering wheel away from him. Of course we need to do our part -- whatever that may look like -- but we need to accept that He is God. Let go of worry. Let go of anxiety. Let go of stress. Let go of control. Let go and we will see God's faithfulness in our lives and He will give us the rest that our soul yearns for even if we don't acknowledge that we need it. Cease striving and know he has everything under control.
Lord, help me and the others who ask, to let go of the control. Help us to give it all up to you and to follow your lead always. Help us to know that as you are the creator and the master of all heaven and earth, you too can orchestrate our lives for your glory and for good. You ask only that we be still, to cease striving, and to let you do your mighty work in our lives. Amen.
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