Break my heart for what breaks yours

Recently I told a friend about how my husband and I had been sick with a flu-like virus that turned into acute bronchitis and possibly early pneumonia.  She said to me, "Sickness is the story of your life!"  She didn't mean anything negative by that statement and I took no offense to it.  It's true that with cold/ flu season  our household seems to be constantly sick.  With three girls in school who participate in various activities, they are magnets for all kinds of germs and of course pass it to each other.  One girl will get sick, then pass it to her sisters one by one.  The pattern we tend to see is about three weeks of colds in the family, then a couple of weeks of reprieve until another virus hits.  

Her words have stuck with me over the past few weeks and I have been meditating on them.  She said them in a passing manner, only referring to our recent bout of the flu.  But I think there is a deeper truth to these words.  Sickness truly is a part of my life story.   Here are just some examples:

I was sick with a depression for the majority of my adolescence and young adult years.  I was sick with a mysterious illness that doctors believed was Trigeminal Neuralgia, a nerve disorder that is characterized by shooting pain along my face and jawline.  I was sick with gestational diabetes for all three of my pregnancies and had to manage my diet and give myself insulin shots.  I suffer from horrible migraine headaches.  I have some GI issues that often cause discomfort.  My anxiety also sometimes gets out of hand. 

My 7 year-old daughter has a lot of GI issues also.  She also has been diagnosed with Periodic Fevers, Aphthous Stomatitis, Pharyngitis and Adenitis (PFAPA).  PFAPA is characterized by unexplained fevers that last several days and occur periodically every 3-5 weeks almost like clockwork.   In between the episodes she is perfectly healthy and happy.  

My 4-year old nephew's life completely changed recently because of a brain tumor.  During surgery to remove a part of the tumor he suffered a stroke that left him paralyzed on his left side.  He is currently doing well and has recovered the majority of his mobility after months of therapy, but he still has a long road ahead with some of the tumor still remaining.    

Cancer is also a part of our lives.  My father-in-law is battling colon/ rectal cancer at the moment.  He just completed the first round of chemo and radiation and will undergo surgery soon.  Several family members have also died from various other kinds of cancer.

My story could end here with all this sickness -- but it doesn't.  In all this sickness there is hope everlasting.  I have witnessed God's faithfulness through all of these struggles and trials.  My eyes have been opened to the good that he can bring out of every circumstance (Romans 8:28).  Trigeminal Neuralgia brought me to point of such brokenness that it opened my heart fully to Jesus and I cried out to Him and accepted him as my Lord and Savior.  In so many ways I became a new person in Christ the minute I gave my life to Him.  But my transformation is still in progress.   My daughter's PFAPA is the only thing that will slow her down and make her rest.  She is always on the go and never rests enough.  My nephew's situation has grown the faith and boldness of his parents by leaps and bounds, as it has my own.  Witnessing what God is doing to heal my nephew has also inspired, encouraged, and impacted hundreds of lives for God's glory.  It has given us strength and courage and has prepared us for the trials with my father-in-law's cancer.

I believe there is an even deeper reason for these trials of sickness in my life.  Our world is a suffering and sick place. It was not what God originally intended, but it is a result of the fall.  My hope is in the promise that God made to us:  that one day there will no longer be suffering and pain.  That will be the day when Jesus returns and those who believe in Him can be with him in paradise.  For now, while in this broken and sick world, these lyrics from the Casting Crowns song, "Jesus, Friend of Sinners," plays like a mantra in my head: break our hearts for what breaks yours.  If you'd like to listen to the song, here is a link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BY6VAy9y_iQ&feature=kp.  It is an absolutely beautiful song and truly speaks to my heart.  It talks about opening our eyes to the broken world around us -- a world that needs mercy and compassion, not our judgement.  The song calls us to love the wounded and outcasts as Christ loves them and gave his life for them by reminding us that Christ did the same for us.

I am realizing that much of the reason that God has taken me through the trials of my life is to break my heart for what breaks His heart.  The prophet Jeremiah wept for sinful Judah and said, "My grief is beyond healing; my heart is broken...  I hurt with the hurt of my people.  I mourn and am overcome with grief (Jeremiah 8:18, 22)."  The Apostle Paul wrote similar words, "My heart is filled with bitter sorrow and unending grief for my people. . . I would be willing to be forever cursed -- cut off from Christ -- if that would save them (Romans 9:2-3)."  Jesus's own heart broke for the people he ministered.  His compassion is without equal.  His heart ached for those who were weary and downtrodden, so he told them to come to him for rest (Matthew 11:28).  Even as he was dying on the cross, his last words and concern were for his people, for us, and he prayed, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do (Luke 23:34)."

If you are hurting, feel downtrodden, or struggling right now.  My hope is that this will encourage you to persevere, lean on, and trust God.  There is a plan and purpose for everything.  God knows what he is doing in your life, and he will not waste those experiences.  He will bring good out of these trials and amaze you with how he does it.  It might not be the way you envision or want, but it will be better.  No one wants to have troubles -- least of all myself.  But God knows us better than we know ourselves and he knows sometimes there is no other way for us to learn what we need to learn.  If you are a parent,  you can relate. How often do your children need to learn things the hard way?  

Because I have hurt and struggled, I now have a heart for those who are also hurting and struggling. Because I was broken, my heart aches now for those who are also broken.  Through the trials of my life, the big ones mentioned above, and the little ones of everyday, God is growing in me a heart of compassion for those around me.  He knows that in the same way broken bones sometimes need to be broken further before they can be healed -- it is the same for us. God takes our broken pieces, mends them by his comfort and peace, and then reforms them into a new person who is more compassionate, full of grace, and forgiving.  "He comforts us in all of our troubles so that we can comfort others.  When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort that God has given us (2 Corinthians 1:4)."  I still am very selfish, but I now see those hurting around me and my heart truly does cry for them, because I have been there.  They in turn seem to recognize that I have walked the path that they are walking and so trust me with their pain.  They give me the honor and privilege to live life with them -- even if it's messy -- and to disciple them and give them the comfort that He gave me.

God will use your brokenness for good and for His glory.  Will you let him break your heart for what breaks His?  I will end with the lyrics of the song "Let your heart be broken" by Bryan Jeffrey Leech.  May it challenge you where you are, to look up, and look outside of your circumstances to see as God sees.  

Let your heart be broken for a world in need.
Feed the mouths that hunger, soothe the wounds that bleed.
Give the cup of water, and the loaf of bread.
Be the hands of Jesus, serving in his stead.
Here on earth applying principles of love.
Visible expression, God still rules above.
Living illustration of the living word,
To the minds of all who've never seen or heard.
Blest to be a blessing, privileged to care.
Challenged be the need, apparent everywhere.
Where mankind is wanting, fill the vacant place.
Be the means through which the Lord reveals His grace.
Add to your believing deeds that prove it true,
Knowing Christ as Savior, Make Him Master too.
Follow in His footsteps, go where he has trod.
In the world's great trouble risk yourself for God.
Let your heart be tender and your vision clear.
See mankind as God sees, serve Him far and near.
Let your heart be broken by a brother's pain.
Share your rich resources, give and give again.

Mom Guilt

I had a conversation with a mommy friend today about "mom-guilt."  What is mom guilt?  It's when we mothers feel like we are bad mothers.  We feel like mean mothers -- especially when we have to discipline our children.  We feel as though we have failed our children in some form or fashion.  We don't have them in the right schools; we don't spend enough time teaching them; we let them watch too much TV; we feed them too much junk food and not enough healthy food...  We feel that we don't measure up to other mothers or our own expectations of what mothers should be.  We feel like we do everything wrong and are just not cut out to be mothers.  We just feel guilty about feeling clueless sometimes.  Mom guilt feeds and fuels more mom-guilt. . . It's a vicious cycle.

If you are a mom and you have never felt this way -- well then you are abnormal (just kidding, but gosh, I'm envious!  Do tell me your secret!).  The reality is that I think most of us "normal" moms feel this way at some point or another. Some moms, myself included, have probably felt this type of guilt more often than not.   Why?  Are we really as bad as we think we are?  Let's weigh the evidence shall we?  Are we abusing our kids or neglecting their basic needs and rights?  Unfortunately, in this broken world there are many cases of child abuse and neglect. . . If you are reading this and recognize that this is you, then please, please, I pray you seek help! There are so many resources available.  Contact me privately if you need help finding some. I trust, however, that most of you reading this do not fall into that category.  I trust that most of you really don't abuse your kids.  You might do the occasional spanking, time out, or other consequence, but that is not the same as abuse.  Are your kids happy?  Are they well fed and well clothed?  Are their basic needs met?  Do your kids know that you love them?   If you have answered yes, then I'd say you are a good mom.  There are no perfect moms, but there are a lot of good moms out there.  We all look different.  We talk different.  We all have different parenting approaches that involve different opinions on sleep, eating, potty training, breastfeeding, schooling, extra-curricular activities, religion, and discipline. Yet, we all have one thing in common:  we love our kids and we are trying our best to raise great kids who will turn into great adults.

So if we weigh the evidence and find that we truly are NOT horrible mothers, then why the strong mom guilt?  What I have come to realize this year from talking to older women wiser than myself, is that as mothers, we are on the frontlines of spiritual warfare.  What this means is that we have an enemy who wants to undermine our efforts as mothers.  He wants to shake us up and make us doubt ourselves because we are mothers and primary care-givers responsible for raising an entire next generation. We are raising a generation of people who will ultimately make the choice to honor and love God -- or not.  If we lean on God and parent as best as we can with His help, seeking His wisdom, and praying that He will fill in the gaps and cover over our mistakes, I believe we will more than likely raise an entire generation of leaders who can make this world a better place and can truly make an impact for His glory.   We can raise a generation of people who follow Christ and choose Him over all else.  How amazing would that be?

Obviously Satan, our enemy, doesn't want this.  Satan's tactic is the same as in the beginning when he tempted Eve with the forbidden fruit.  He twists the truth, makes us believe the lies, and makes us doubt ourselves and God.   Satan wants us to doubt so that we fumble and seek to parent completely by our own efforts. That is when true failure happens.  When we rely on ourselves and not on God, we allow the enemy to cross into our homes and into our hearts.  We become fearful and we become distrusting of God and our children will recognize that.  Our actions will not coincide with what we teach, and we will look like hypocrites in the eyes of our children.  When it is their time to choose God or the self for master, who do you think they will choose?  I believe they will struggle with this choice if they have seen us struggle. Satan wants this and delights in this, so he wants mothers to struggle and doubt and feel mom guilt so that we will pass this along to our children.

There is NO condemnation in Christ (Romans 8:1).  So we have to remember that the type of mom guilt we are talking about is not from Christ.  It is from our enemy.  The Holy Spirit will definitely convict us when we have made mistakes such as losing our tempers with our children; disciplining them too harshly; or neglecting time with them.  This type of conviction usually pierces our souls and hearts, but the purpose is not to condemn.  Rather it is to motivate towards repentance and change.  The Spirit will convict us so that we show more grace or ask for forgiveness when it is due. And this type of conviction will lead to redemption. Trust me.  I frequently lose my temper with my children and yell, and I have experienced this type of conviction.  It causes me to humble myself before my children and ask them to forgive me.  Yet, God can always turn any negative circumstance into good for His glory.  These instances when I have seemingly failed as a mother are actually some of the most poignant and memorable teaching moments I have had with my children.   We talk about grace and forgiveness, love and obedience, truth and untruth, and the power of God to redeem all things.  Satan twists our emotions so that we feel self-condemning guilt and then we feel incapacitated and doubtful.  This type of guilt from the enemy will not lead to repentance or change.  Instead, it will only fuel more guilt and more doubt.  Before you know it, you'll be caught in quicksand.

Yet, take heart, for the power of the gospel is that Christ has already overcome the enemy (1 Corinthians 15:57; John 16:33)!  So, I encourage you, if today you are being overcome with mom guilt, please pause and pray.  Think about where the source of that guilt is coming from.  Most surely it will not be from the Lord.  Once you have recognized and identified the source of the mom guilt, you can more readily combat it. Pray that God will help you to put on your full armor:

Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood,but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,  and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God .
(Ephesians 6:10-17)

I promise you, if you pray for God to help you put on your spiritual armor each day, the mom guilt will lessen.  It has for me.  I have hope that eventually the mom guilt will completely go away, but for now it comes on every now and then, especially those times I have forgotten to pray to put on my spiritual armor. There will still be many less than perfect parenting moments, and the Spirit will still convict when it happens. The difference is that with your armor on, you'll gain a confidence and peace that only comes from the Lord. The Lord is faithful, and even your mistakes he will turn to good (Romans 8:28) -- you just have to trust him. Let go of the guilt and embrace the promise of hope and redemption.