Butterflies

It has been a long time since I have written.  Life has just sort of taken over. . . I am sure everyone can relate to that to some extent, but I think parents with young children really know what I am talking about.  Taking care of little ones can sometimes just suck the life out of you.  As joyful as it can be, it is also just plain exhausting and can be all-consuming.  I have three beautiful daughters (6, 3, and 1 years old).  I love them dearly, but by the end of the day I am just weary!  It doesn't help that my husband works insanely long hours.  He leaves before the kids are up and doesn't get home until way after they are in bed.  So Monday through Friday it is just me and the three girls (with a few rare and precious exceptions).  Juggling three different schedules of school, extracurricular activities, meals, naps, and bedtimes are enough to sometimes make my head want to explode -- especially when I feel like a single parent most of the week.  Once they are all in bed and I have some alone time, I often just want to lay down with a book or my IPad, breathe, relax and recover. . .  Forget the dishes, forget the laundry, and forget the gazillion things that need to get done in the house.  I seriously am just done by the end of the day. . . . 

Yet, God is so ever faithful!  Even though in my weariness I often forget to seek Him during the day, He always finds little ways to remind me that He is there and that I am not alone.  It might be something that the children say, something I see, something I read, an email from an old friend, or a pertinent devotional or scripture verse that I stumble upon.   

Tuesday was the last day of school for my Kindergartener (I guess she's technically a 1st grader now) and was a short day.  My three year old had a busy morning at camp.   My 1 year old did not nap more than a few minutes in the car all day.  Our basement is out of commission because our water heater broke, causing a lot of water damage.  It had been a frustrating week with service people working, insurance agents coming to inspect things, piles of stuff everywhere. . . It was a rainy day on Tuesday too, so I think being confined to one floor and being unable to go outside, compounded by tiredness just made the kids a bit stir-crazy.  They began to unravel and so did I.  Oh it was not pretty.  I was yelling, the kids weren't listening, there were lots of tears.  I decided everyone needed an early bed.  I was feeling frustrated, tired, overwhelmed, and a bit angry.  I knew in the grand scheme of things it really wasn't a big deal, but in the moment it felt like this HUGE weight was on me and I couldn't get out from under it.  That's when I said a silent prayer, "Lord, please help me."  Short and simple.  I knew he'd know what I meant.  

Suddenly Cara (3 yr old) shouts, "Mommy, Mommy!  Come look!  A butterfly!"  I also heard Arianna (6 yr old) exclaiming the same thing, "Omigosh!  Omigosh!  A butterfly!"  I was still finishing up with the baby in her room so I told them they had to wait.  Once I put the baby down I finally came out to take a look.  It was a moth -- a really pretty one with iridescent, pale white wings, that had flown into their bathroom.  It was fluttering around and my sweet girls were trying to catch it in order to rescue it.  I joined in on the fun and we were able to catch it in a container and set it free outside.  I watched it fly away into the setting sun and it hit me that God answered my prayer.  He was reminding me to look around and count my blessings.  He was reminding me of all His glorious wonders:  "Stop and behold God's wonders (Job 37:14)!"   There is no better medicine than a change of perspective and heart when feeling sorry for yourself.  

And today, during another long and tiresome day of camp, doctor appointments, contractors, and swim practice, I again started down the negative feelings and mind trap, and the Lord stopped me short.   While talking to a friend about long days, and how fleeting time can be, and pondering how I got to where I am today, a beautiful butterfly flew by.  It got so close, nearly landing on my shoulder, almost to say "Hello.  Look at me.  Remember me."  It was a yellow and black butterfly, resembling the one below.  I couldn't help but smile.  And if that wasn't enough, as I was driving to pick up Cara from camp, another butterfly -- or perhaps the same one because it too was yellow and black -- flew across my windshield.  It stayed right ahead of me until I made the turn into school. 

The butterflies today, although not eagles, reminded me of this verse in Isaiah 40:31, "Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."   

Thank you, Lord, for the butterflies.  Thank you for the reminders this week that you are with me, and that I can lean on  you.  Thank you for reminding me to stop and count my blessings in the midst of tiresome days.  Thank you for reminding me that you can give me strength to get through days when I am weary and weak.  I love you, Lord.  Amen.