When the shoe doesn't fit

Sunday was a tough day with Cara, my middle three year old.  She woke up just like any other day smiling and laughing.  After much deliberating at her closet door, she picked out a cute long summer dress to wear to church.  She wanted to wear her glittery, sparkly black shoes that unfortunately were a tad too small for her.  I suggested she wear something else.  I helped her look through the closet and we rediscovered a long forgotten pair of brown flower sandals that used to belong to Arianna.  They looked like new and Cara loved them.  She was so excited to put them on.  While pulling them out, we also rediscovered some other sandals (one pink and one orange) that were given to them as gifts from their grandmother upon her return from Vietnam.  Cara's eyes got big.  She had to try them on, especially the pink ones.  Unfortunately it was too big for her.  I offered her the orange ones.  She did not want them.  She no longer wanted the brown one with flowers either.  She started to cry.

Cara cares a lot about her appearance.  She puts much emphasis on her clothes, shoes, hair, and accessories.  Although it is cute that she loves frilly, pretty, girly things.  It breaks my heart sometimes to realize that she feels as though these things define her.  I don't know how much of it is due to her temperament and how much is due to her being a middle child.  She compares herself to her older sister a lot.  That morning she looked at Arianna who wore a shorter, halter-style dress and then decided her cute long summer dress wasn't good enough.  She needed to change immediately into a shorter dress.  She had asked me to do her hair in a certain way, but looked at Arianna who had a ponytail and decided that she absolutely needed me to change it and put her hair into a ponytail too.

Cara fell apart that morning about her shoes, her outfit, and her hair. . .  She cried and pouted and repeatedly exclaimed, "I am not beautiful!  I am not pretty!"  We would try to reassure her and say, "You are beautiful! So pretty!"  She'd respond, "No, I am not!  Don't say that!  I don't like you.  Don't look at me.  Don't talk to me!"  We'd say, "You don't have to like us right now, but we love you so much!  We'll always love you. Doesn't matter what you wear or what you look like, or what you do."   She'd say, "I don't love you!  It's all your fault!"

Cara was so sad and so very upset.   I decided she needed some quality one-on-one time with mommy.  I wanted to teach her that beauty comes from the inside.  I wanted to teach her that her self-worth is measured by WHO she is and what her heart is like, rather than WHAT she looks like outside.  I wanted to teach her to be confident in herself because she is a child of God.    I took her to lunch and to our local Hallmark just to pass some time.  She enjoyed browsing the store and became fascinated by some hanging glass decorations and this provided the perfect teachable moment.  We talked about how the glass was so pretty because the light was shining through them and showing all the different colors.  We talked about how we can see all the way inside of them.   I told her that God made her and he made her beautiful.  Because he made her, he could see all the way inside -- straight to her heart.  He could see all the wonderful colors inside of her heart that made her beautiful.  Her kindness was one color.  Her love and care for her sisters was one color.  Her enjoyment of ballet was another color. . .   And God delighted in her!   And God allowed mommy and daddy to see straight to her heart too, and we also see and know that she is beautiful and we love her.  Below is the smile I was rewarded with after our talk.  Precious and beautiful!

Just like Cara, don't we get upset sometimes when we compare our bodies, our houses, our cars, our wallets, our lifestyles, our parenting approaches --  even our kids -- up against the standards of this world?  The thing is, we'll always find someone who looks better; someone with a bigger house; someone with a better car; someone who makes more money; and someone who seems to have the parenting thing down.  If we keep comparing ourselves, we'll always find that we fall short next to someone else.  That's when discontent and unhappiness sets in.   God wants us to come to him for some one-on-one time when this happens.  He wants to remind us of what truly matters.  "The Lord does not look at the things people look at.  People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7)."    It doesn't matter what we see when we look in the mirror since our view may be skewed and shaped by others and the world.  The Lord sees us for who we truly are.  What makes us beautiful in his sight is our heart for him.  God knows us.  He knew us before we were even born because he created us and knit us together in our mother's womb.  We are "fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:13)."  God has specific plans for our lives that are good (Jeremiah 29:11).  We need to remember all these things.  We need to know that our self-worth is found in Him, not in the things of this world.  We need to be confident in his love for us and know that he "takes great delight" in us (Zephaniah 3:17).

Cara was upset on Sunday because her shoe did not fit.  The same holds true for all of us.  If God did not intend for it to be in our lives, the shoe will not fit!  No amount of fussing and crying will change that fact.  And if we try to wear a shoe that doesn't fit us, we'll stumble and fall.  Let's trust God and the shoes he laid out for us and try to avoid the comparison trap.

Dear Lord, it is hard not to compare ourselves to others and up against the world's ideas of beauty, success, and happiness. . . even when we know that your standards are all that truly matter.  Help us to remember, Lord, that you see things not the way the world does.  What matters to you is our heart.  And if our hearts trust and lean on you, then all is well with our soul.  And that, Lord, that is what makes us beautiful.  That we are your children.  You created us and all your works are beautiful and precious to you. May we always remember that true worth is found in you and only you.  May we be able to teach that to our children.  Amen.   

Butterflies

It has been a long time since I have written.  Life has just sort of taken over. . . I am sure everyone can relate to that to some extent, but I think parents with young children really know what I am talking about.  Taking care of little ones can sometimes just suck the life out of you.  As joyful as it can be, it is also just plain exhausting and can be all-consuming.  I have three beautiful daughters (6, 3, and 1 years old).  I love them dearly, but by the end of the day I am just weary!  It doesn't help that my husband works insanely long hours.  He leaves before the kids are up and doesn't get home until way after they are in bed.  So Monday through Friday it is just me and the three girls (with a few rare and precious exceptions).  Juggling three different schedules of school, extracurricular activities, meals, naps, and bedtimes are enough to sometimes make my head want to explode -- especially when I feel like a single parent most of the week.  Once they are all in bed and I have some alone time, I often just want to lay down with a book or my IPad, breathe, relax and recover. . .  Forget the dishes, forget the laundry, and forget the gazillion things that need to get done in the house.  I seriously am just done by the end of the day. . . . 

Yet, God is so ever faithful!  Even though in my weariness I often forget to seek Him during the day, He always finds little ways to remind me that He is there and that I am not alone.  It might be something that the children say, something I see, something I read, an email from an old friend, or a pertinent devotional or scripture verse that I stumble upon.   

Tuesday was the last day of school for my Kindergartener (I guess she's technically a 1st grader now) and was a short day.  My three year old had a busy morning at camp.   My 1 year old did not nap more than a few minutes in the car all day.  Our basement is out of commission because our water heater broke, causing a lot of water damage.  It had been a frustrating week with service people working, insurance agents coming to inspect things, piles of stuff everywhere. . . It was a rainy day on Tuesday too, so I think being confined to one floor and being unable to go outside, compounded by tiredness just made the kids a bit stir-crazy.  They began to unravel and so did I.  Oh it was not pretty.  I was yelling, the kids weren't listening, there were lots of tears.  I decided everyone needed an early bed.  I was feeling frustrated, tired, overwhelmed, and a bit angry.  I knew in the grand scheme of things it really wasn't a big deal, but in the moment it felt like this HUGE weight was on me and I couldn't get out from under it.  That's when I said a silent prayer, "Lord, please help me."  Short and simple.  I knew he'd know what I meant.  

Suddenly Cara (3 yr old) shouts, "Mommy, Mommy!  Come look!  A butterfly!"  I also heard Arianna (6 yr old) exclaiming the same thing, "Omigosh!  Omigosh!  A butterfly!"  I was still finishing up with the baby in her room so I told them they had to wait.  Once I put the baby down I finally came out to take a look.  It was a moth -- a really pretty one with iridescent, pale white wings, that had flown into their bathroom.  It was fluttering around and my sweet girls were trying to catch it in order to rescue it.  I joined in on the fun and we were able to catch it in a container and set it free outside.  I watched it fly away into the setting sun and it hit me that God answered my prayer.  He was reminding me to look around and count my blessings.  He was reminding me of all His glorious wonders:  "Stop and behold God's wonders (Job 37:14)!"   There is no better medicine than a change of perspective and heart when feeling sorry for yourself.  

And today, during another long and tiresome day of camp, doctor appointments, contractors, and swim practice, I again started down the negative feelings and mind trap, and the Lord stopped me short.   While talking to a friend about long days, and how fleeting time can be, and pondering how I got to where I am today, a beautiful butterfly flew by.  It got so close, nearly landing on my shoulder, almost to say "Hello.  Look at me.  Remember me."  It was a yellow and black butterfly, resembling the one below.  I couldn't help but smile.  And if that wasn't enough, as I was driving to pick up Cara from camp, another butterfly -- or perhaps the same one because it too was yellow and black -- flew across my windshield.  It stayed right ahead of me until I made the turn into school. 

The butterflies today, although not eagles, reminded me of this verse in Isaiah 40:31, "Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."   

Thank you, Lord, for the butterflies.  Thank you for the reminders this week that you are with me, and that I can lean on  you.  Thank you for reminding me to stop and count my blessings in the midst of tiresome days.  Thank you for reminding me that you can give me strength to get through days when I am weary and weak.  I love you, Lord.  Amen.