Stopping the Woe-is-me mentality

"Lord! Help me! Could this day or week get any worse?"

I was in pain.  I just jammed my fingers in the door as I was shutting it and cut them.  I was rushing to clean it up and put on a band-aid.  I was in a hurry to get out the door to take the oldest daughter to the bus stop.  It was a frosty morning and three sets of hats, gloves/ mittens, coats, and shoes can take a long time to put on!  Honestly, that part wasn't any different than most weekday mornings.  The fingers were just the last straw after a very long week.

Beginning 1:30/ 45 AM on Monday morning Cara (my 3 yr old) woke up crying and began throwing up.  Vomit is never fun to clean up, but even worse when it is in the middle of the night, and we were trying to work quietly in the dark so we would not wake Arianna who was still asleep in the upper bunk.  We brought Cara to our room and she continued to throw up every 15-20 minutes until about 8:00 that morning.  After that it was every couple of hours until she finally stopped.  By Tuesday she was doing better and was able to hold down some crackers and applesauce.  Later that day I noticed that her eyes looked a little pink and they were crusty.  I took her into the pediatrician and sure enough it was an eye infection caused by bacteria getting into her eyes.  We have to administer antibiotic ointment to her eyes for a week.  On Wednesday I thought we were in the clear since she was eating better and playing a little.  Unfortunately, that night she threw up some more!  Yesterday, Thursday, we again took it easy with food and so far no further incidents.

I have been exhausted this week and also getting a bit stir-crazy.  We are running out of activities to entertain the children since we have been housebound all week.  Cara has been more clingy and demonstrating more frequent negative behavior this week because she is not feeling well and is bored.  It has been hard keeping an active baby sister (who is also pulling up and cruising) from sick Cara, and tending to both of their needs on my own.  Thankfully, at least Arianna  is at school most of the day, but when she gets home I feel bad I haven't had much time to spend with her.  My husband has been working very long hours since the beginning of this year.  This seems to be our new normal but it is still hard.  He leaves long before the kids are awake (going into work as early as 3 or 4 AM some mornings) and he does not come home til past 8 PM most evenings (sometimes much later).  The kids and I have gotten used to being on our own during the week.  I look forward to the weekends when he is home and we get to enjoy some much needed family time, but also because I get a little break from the kids.

Unfortunately last night Javier got sick also.  He must of have caught the same bug that Cara had because the poor guy was in horrible shape!  We suspect it is the Norovirus that has been going around in the schools.  I felt bad for him, but selfishly I was also annoyed and a bit angry. What horrible timing!  Cara was just getting better.  I was looking forward to getting out of the house this weekend.  I was looking forward to Javier helping with the kids.  Poor guy was shaking and shivering, throwing up, and I was furious with him!  You see how human and how hopelessly flawed I am?  I felt bad afterwards, but in the moment my emotional state was, "Woe-is-me!"  I felt sorry for myself.  I kept thinking, "I took care of a sick kid all week!  No way can I take care of a sick husband too!  I need a break!"  I was entirely self-centered.  This morning he felt much better and decided he needed to go into work for a little while.  I was glad he was feeling better, but even then I caught the annoyance and frustration surfacing.  I told him I didn't see why he had to go to work when he wasn't 100%.  If anything he should stay home, rest, and if he was feeling better he could help out around the house because I've been doing everything alone all week.  I knew I was being selfish and unsympathetic.  Thankfully he is home now and resting (poor guy).  The worse seems to have passed, but he is still very weak after being sick all night.

Today I was deep in the "woe-is-me" mentality.  This week has not gone as planned.    I haven't been able to get the things I wanted done.  I haven't been able to get to the store.  I have no idea what to cook for dinner with two people still not able to eat much. . . I need to get to work wiping and spraying every surface with Lysol.  I can't get sick.  I am so tired. . . My fingers hurt from the door. . .Me. Me. Me.

That's when the Lord intervened and used an opportune conversation with a friend to remind me that it really isn't as bad as I think.  He reminded me that even though it was a rough week, in the grand scheme of things we still have so much to be thankful for!  Aside from this week and occasional illnesses during the cold/ flu season, my children are happy and healthy.  I do not have a child suffering from a life-threatening condition. We are not constantly taking our child to the ER, and staying at the hospital more than we stay at home. We are not a family preparing to say good-bye to our four-year old son who may or may not see his last Christmas.  We are not a family in financial crisis that we are having trouble putting food on the table for our kids.  And we are not a family being impacted by senseless school shootings (my heart goes out to those in Newtown, CT today!!!!).

We are blessed.  We truly are.  All of our needs are met -- abundantly so.  Selfish and sinful as we are, there may be lots of things we want and covet, but truly there is nothing that we need that God has not graciously provided for us.  My husband may work extremely long hours, but he has a job!  His job makes it possible for me to stay at home with the children, to make our house payments, car payments, and put our children in various extracurricular activities.  It allows us more financial flexibility then we have had in years prior.  Moreover, his long hours have also been a blessing to our marriage in that it has taught us to appreciate each other more -- to appreciate the rare moments that we have to ourselves.  We have learned how precious weekend time with the family can be.  And moments like today aside, we have learned to be more patient with each other and the children.  We have learned to lean on God more than we lean on our own efforts or on each other.  Javier could not be working 12-16 hour days without the Lord giving him strength.  And I could not be doing the single-parent thing during the week without God giving me a daily dose of grace.  The kids may be sick this week, but it has allowed for a slower pace that is rare these days.  They may be sick but at least this means it's done before Christmas.  And in being sick, we have Javier home today when he is usually not home and the children would not see him.

Yet, even in knowing how blessed we are, in the midst of the "woe-is-me" mentality, I forgot that Jesus said, "In this world you will have troubles. But take heart!  I have overcome the world! (John 16:33)."  I learned today the key to snapping myself out of a self-centered, self-destructive, self-serving mentality is to lift my eyes up to the cross.  To remember that Jesus took all of our worldly burdens upon himself, died on that cross for us, and raised up on the third day, conquering death and the world!  To overcome our selfish nature that is of the flesh and world, we have to look up and praise him.  We praise him in the midst of a hard day or a hard week.  It is an act of the will -- to willfully not focus on our emotional state but to find things to praise.  We praise him for all that he has done and continues to do.  In praising him we find peace, we find comfort, and we find joy and contentment.  This is what Paul means when he said, "I have learned to be content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through him who gives me strength (Philippians 4:12-13)."  

In this world we will indeed have troubles.  We have a choice to respond with a "woe-is-me" attitude or to lift our eyes up toward Heaven.  By standing firm and persevering we grow and mature in our character thereby giving glory to God and in turn are blessed.  I think this is what James means when he wrote, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything . . . Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial, because having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of Life that the Lord has promised to the those who love him. (James 1:2-12)."