Why suffering, Oh Lord?

Unspeakable tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut today.  Awful things have happened before and still go on all over the world, but this one is hitting a little closer to home because I have a child in Kindergarten, and the shooting occurred at an elementary school.  I know I will be hugging my little girls extra tightly today.  27 dead, 18 of them children. My heart aches for those young lives lost and their families. I cry for those who survived but will have to live with the tragic memories for the rest of their lives. Why, oh Lord? It all seems so senseless!

I remember asking the same question before I was a Christian and whenever anything tragic happened on the news.  Now that I am a Christian and I know God more intimately, I still ask "Why?" When I think of the Holocaust, continued genocide in certain parts of the world, September 11th, Columbine, VT shootings, and other events such as these, I pray but I still ask, "Why? Why so much suffering?"  I know that many others have asked the same exact question.  It is hard to get our minds around tragedy on such a large scale.  But I trust that God has a plan and purpose for all things (Jeremiah 29:11) and he will bring about good even in the face of bad circumstances (Romans 8:28).

I studied psychology in graduate school for many years and nearly completed a Ph.D before I decided to stay home with my children.  In all my years of study, I never came across a satisfying answer to the everlasting question of why/ how one person (or persons) can inflict such devastation upon other people.  Some people are psychopaths or they hurt so badly themselves they want to hurt others in turn.  Some people are delusional and truly do not know what they do. . . There are numerous other ways to spin a psychological answer:  trace it back to roots of abuse in early childhood, neurological processes that have gone awry, etc. Yet, none sufficiently answer the cause and reason for Evil in the world.  After studying the Bible in depth and growing in my spiritual walk, I will have to say that for me, there is no other way to fully explain evil except to take the Bible by its' word -- as the truth.

What I believe is that God is a God of love, hope, and light.  I do not believe that God ever intended to have his creation living in a world with so much evil and sin.  The Garden of Eden was a perfect and sublime place.  Our ancient ancestors basked in the glory of God in all His goodness.  Yet, Adam and Eve disobeyed God when he tried to protect them and forbade them to eat the fruit.  They took a bite out of that forbidden apple and they fell from grace.  Sin and evil entered the world as a result.

As humans, I think we like to rank sin, some being worse than others.  Murder and killing are high up there on the worse sins list.  Everyone will agree that those are terrible, immoral things.  I think that is why everyone is so appalled and angry at the events today in Newtown, CT.  What the shooter did was undeniably awful!  His responsibility is not to be minimized, nor the pain all those families are experiencing.  But truly, we often forget that we are all sinners and fall short of God's righteousness (Romans 3:23).  We may not murder or kill, we may not steal, we may not commit adultery, but we are all imperfect.  We all get prideful at times. We all lose our patience or get angry for the wrong reasons. We all covet or lust after what we cannot or should not have.  We get discontented.  That is why we are all in need of a personal Savior, Jesus.    

Even if we may not have been personally impacted by the events at Sandy Hook Elementary, we have all experienced personal pain, suffering, loss, and hurt in our lives.  We all have asked the same questions time and time again, "Why did this happen to me?"  Why miscarriages, death of loved ones, life threatening diseases, painful divorces, loss of jobs?  We may not ever know the specific reasons for each individual case, but the root cause is this fallen world.  God's answer will be the same each time, "Come to me."  He says, "Believe in my son, Jesus, whom I sent to you."  Not only did Jesus atone for our past, present, and future sins, but He saves us from this fallen world.  Believe in the Lord, Jesus, and we shall have eternal life (John 3:26).  Believe in Him and one day we shall again walk alongside our Lord without pain, suffering, and heartache known in this world.  He is the only one who can truly heal our hearts and minds after pain and suffering.  He is our Savior, Wonderful Counselor, Prince of Peace, Healer, and so much more.  May the Lord be with those families suffering from today's tragedy -- may He grant them comfort and supernatural peace.  And may he be with you, in your hearts, as we approach the day of his birth, Christmas.  Even in the midst of tragedy, God is still ever present.  He reveals himself in the lives of all those people who pray, who reach out to help those who are in most need.  He is in the hearts of family, friends, and strangers.  You just have to open your eyes, see, and Believe.  God bless.

Stopping the Woe-is-me mentality

"Lord! Help me! Could this day or week get any worse?"

I was in pain.  I just jammed my fingers in the door as I was shutting it and cut them.  I was rushing to clean it up and put on a band-aid.  I was in a hurry to get out the door to take the oldest daughter to the bus stop.  It was a frosty morning and three sets of hats, gloves/ mittens, coats, and shoes can take a long time to put on!  Honestly, that part wasn't any different than most weekday mornings.  The fingers were just the last straw after a very long week.

Beginning 1:30/ 45 AM on Monday morning Cara (my 3 yr old) woke up crying and began throwing up.  Vomit is never fun to clean up, but even worse when it is in the middle of the night, and we were trying to work quietly in the dark so we would not wake Arianna who was still asleep in the upper bunk.  We brought Cara to our room and she continued to throw up every 15-20 minutes until about 8:00 that morning.  After that it was every couple of hours until she finally stopped.  By Tuesday she was doing better and was able to hold down some crackers and applesauce.  Later that day I noticed that her eyes looked a little pink and they were crusty.  I took her into the pediatrician and sure enough it was an eye infection caused by bacteria getting into her eyes.  We have to administer antibiotic ointment to her eyes for a week.  On Wednesday I thought we were in the clear since she was eating better and playing a little.  Unfortunately, that night she threw up some more!  Yesterday, Thursday, we again took it easy with food and so far no further incidents.

I have been exhausted this week and also getting a bit stir-crazy.  We are running out of activities to entertain the children since we have been housebound all week.  Cara has been more clingy and demonstrating more frequent negative behavior this week because she is not feeling well and is bored.  It has been hard keeping an active baby sister (who is also pulling up and cruising) from sick Cara, and tending to both of their needs on my own.  Thankfully, at least Arianna  is at school most of the day, but when she gets home I feel bad I haven't had much time to spend with her.  My husband has been working very long hours since the beginning of this year.  This seems to be our new normal but it is still hard.  He leaves long before the kids are awake (going into work as early as 3 or 4 AM some mornings) and he does not come home til past 8 PM most evenings (sometimes much later).  The kids and I have gotten used to being on our own during the week.  I look forward to the weekends when he is home and we get to enjoy some much needed family time, but also because I get a little break from the kids.

Unfortunately last night Javier got sick also.  He must of have caught the same bug that Cara had because the poor guy was in horrible shape!  We suspect it is the Norovirus that has been going around in the schools.  I felt bad for him, but selfishly I was also annoyed and a bit angry. What horrible timing!  Cara was just getting better.  I was looking forward to getting out of the house this weekend.  I was looking forward to Javier helping with the kids.  Poor guy was shaking and shivering, throwing up, and I was furious with him!  You see how human and how hopelessly flawed I am?  I felt bad afterwards, but in the moment my emotional state was, "Woe-is-me!"  I felt sorry for myself.  I kept thinking, "I took care of a sick kid all week!  No way can I take care of a sick husband too!  I need a break!"  I was entirely self-centered.  This morning he felt much better and decided he needed to go into work for a little while.  I was glad he was feeling better, but even then I caught the annoyance and frustration surfacing.  I told him I didn't see why he had to go to work when he wasn't 100%.  If anything he should stay home, rest, and if he was feeling better he could help out around the house because I've been doing everything alone all week.  I knew I was being selfish and unsympathetic.  Thankfully he is home now and resting (poor guy).  The worse seems to have passed, but he is still very weak after being sick all night.

Today I was deep in the "woe-is-me" mentality.  This week has not gone as planned.    I haven't been able to get the things I wanted done.  I haven't been able to get to the store.  I have no idea what to cook for dinner with two people still not able to eat much. . . I need to get to work wiping and spraying every surface with Lysol.  I can't get sick.  I am so tired. . . My fingers hurt from the door. . .Me. Me. Me.

That's when the Lord intervened and used an opportune conversation with a friend to remind me that it really isn't as bad as I think.  He reminded me that even though it was a rough week, in the grand scheme of things we still have so much to be thankful for!  Aside from this week and occasional illnesses during the cold/ flu season, my children are happy and healthy.  I do not have a child suffering from a life-threatening condition. We are not constantly taking our child to the ER, and staying at the hospital more than we stay at home. We are not a family preparing to say good-bye to our four-year old son who may or may not see his last Christmas.  We are not a family in financial crisis that we are having trouble putting food on the table for our kids.  And we are not a family being impacted by senseless school shootings (my heart goes out to those in Newtown, CT today!!!!).

We are blessed.  We truly are.  All of our needs are met -- abundantly so.  Selfish and sinful as we are, there may be lots of things we want and covet, but truly there is nothing that we need that God has not graciously provided for us.  My husband may work extremely long hours, but he has a job!  His job makes it possible for me to stay at home with the children, to make our house payments, car payments, and put our children in various extracurricular activities.  It allows us more financial flexibility then we have had in years prior.  Moreover, his long hours have also been a blessing to our marriage in that it has taught us to appreciate each other more -- to appreciate the rare moments that we have to ourselves.  We have learned how precious weekend time with the family can be.  And moments like today aside, we have learned to be more patient with each other and the children.  We have learned to lean on God more than we lean on our own efforts or on each other.  Javier could not be working 12-16 hour days without the Lord giving him strength.  And I could not be doing the single-parent thing during the week without God giving me a daily dose of grace.  The kids may be sick this week, but it has allowed for a slower pace that is rare these days.  They may be sick but at least this means it's done before Christmas.  And in being sick, we have Javier home today when he is usually not home and the children would not see him.

Yet, even in knowing how blessed we are, in the midst of the "woe-is-me" mentality, I forgot that Jesus said, "In this world you will have troubles. But take heart!  I have overcome the world! (John 16:33)."  I learned today the key to snapping myself out of a self-centered, self-destructive, self-serving mentality is to lift my eyes up to the cross.  To remember that Jesus took all of our worldly burdens upon himself, died on that cross for us, and raised up on the third day, conquering death and the world!  To overcome our selfish nature that is of the flesh and world, we have to look up and praise him.  We praise him in the midst of a hard day or a hard week.  It is an act of the will -- to willfully not focus on our emotional state but to find things to praise.  We praise him for all that he has done and continues to do.  In praising him we find peace, we find comfort, and we find joy and contentment.  This is what Paul means when he said, "I have learned to be content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through him who gives me strength (Philippians 4:12-13)."  

In this world we will indeed have troubles.  We have a choice to respond with a "woe-is-me" attitude or to lift our eyes up toward Heaven.  By standing firm and persevering we grow and mature in our character thereby giving glory to God and in turn are blessed.  I think this is what James means when he wrote, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything . . . Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial, because having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of Life that the Lord has promised to the those who love him. (James 1:2-12)." 

Keeping the Christ in Christmas

With commercial images of Christmas everywhere, it can be easy to forget its humble beginning and true meaning.  The first Christmas did not have trees, lights, or tinsel.  It was celebrated in a humble manger in the town of Bethlehem.  There a virgin named Mary gave birth to a son.  Her son was the baby Jesus, our Christ Savior, born to us, wrapped in cloths.  He is the very reason we should celebrate Christmas.  Christmas is a time for giving, sharing, good-tidings, etc., but we have to remember that it all began because Jesus was our very first Christmas gift from God.  He was born to die for us.  He was born so that we could be saved.  "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him (John 3.16-17)."  

In this day and age, the Christ in Christmas is so easily lost.  In our family we strive to be intentional about keeping our Christmas season centered on Jesus.  It is a hard balancing act when we are bombarded with so many commercial images, toy ads, and all other seasonal splendor.  We want our children to enjoy the holiday and maintain their childish innocence and amazement, but we also want to teach them the true meaning of Christmas.  Here are a few things that we do in our family to make sure that we are Christ-focused:

(1) We do Advent in a number of different ways.  Each girl has her own calendar where she can open doors each day to get a chocolate candy (it's also a great way to practice numbers with the 3 year old).  We put up a new ornament each day onto a small tree, culminating in a beautiful ornament for Christmas day depicting the nativity scene.  The girls enjoy getting their sweet treat and taking turns putting up the ornaments.  But our favorite activity is reading the Advent Book together  (http://www.amazon.com/Advent-Book-Jack-Stockman/dp/0615210007/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1354763685&sr=1-1&keywords=the+advent+book+by+jack+and+kathy+stockman).   It is a beautifully illustrated book that has become a treasured family keepsake.  The book has 25 pages that are each adorned with a beautiful door that opens up to reveal illustrations and verses that tell the Christmas story.  The girls sometimes fight over who can open which door, and they cannot wait for the next day to open the next door to reveal another part of the story.  We are also reading the Advent Jesse Tree together (http://www.amazon.com/Advent-Jesse-Tree-Devotions-Christmas/dp/1426712103/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1354763972&sr=1-2&keywords=the+jesse+tree).  It is a great way to have family devotion time and really focus on teaching biblical principles to our children as we prepare for Christmas day and celebrating Christ's birth.  Cara, who is 3, is still a little young to fully grasp everything in these devotionals, but she likes the illustrations and can still participate when we ask easy questions.  Arianna, who is turning 6, is already learning to grasp key concepts such as how Jesus is the Lamb who was sacrificed for us.  We were able to have discussions about sin and give examples, and to talk about her faith in Jesus, what she prays about, etc.  It is truly a treasure to see her faith grow.

(2) We don't see any harm in having our children believe in Santa Claus as well.  But we make sure to remind them that Santa is only Jesus's helper.  Santa brings gifts to everyone as a reminder that Jesus was our first gift.  By giving and receiving gifts we are showing love, just as God showed us love by sending his son.  Because of this, we don't emphasize the naughty or nice list that Santa supposedly has.  It is inevitable that children will misbehave.  It's too high a standard to expect them to be good all the time in order for Santa to bring them a gift.  Adults even find a hard time being good always. . . After all, we are all sinners and have all fallen short of God's righteousness (Romans 3.23).   Yet, even though we didn't deserve it and while we are still sinners, Jesus was given to us and died for us (Romans 5:8) -- no strings attached.  It was God's grace.  So instead of putting pressure on them (and after all, it's not like we'd withhold Christmas gifts even if they were bad), we remind our children that Jesus lives in their hearts and will know their thoughts, behavior, and feelings.  He wants us all to be good and will help us to be good if we ask for it in prayer.  And he is our inner voice that will tell us to stop if we shouldn't be doing something.  Arianna seems to really understand this and will comment all the time that Jesus made her stop doing something or reminded her to listen and obey.  Cara is still learning.  So we tell them we should always strive to be good, not because Santa will bring a gift, but because that's what Jesus would want us to do, and He's the real reason for Christmas and gift-giving.

(3) We allow them to only ask "Santa" for one gift each year.  We remind them that even Jesus only got three gifts from the wise men, so we do not need any more than that.  Besides, we know we have very generous family members and they will be showered with piles of new toys, books, regardless.  But we do try to emphasize that there is a difference between "need" and "want."  They do not need more things as they have way more than they can possibly play with.

(4) We teach our kids to love our neighbors because that is what Jesus commands of us (Matthew 22.39).  One of the ways we can show love to our neighbors and friends is by being generous since God has been so generous to us and bestowed so many blessings.  In addition to our regular giving to church and charities, each year we participate in Angel Tree.  Each girl picks a tag off the tree and we buy gifts for other children in need.  In order to make room for new things that we know that they will be getting, we remind them that we will be purging some of their old toys that they no longer play with or need to donate and give to others who are in need.  I ask them to help me pick out a few things that they think they can part with.  This part isn't always easy, as you can imagine, but we try to get them involved anyways, even if the bulk of the purging will be done by mommy and daddy when they are asleep.

(6) In our prayers every night we thank God for sending Jesus.  We thank him for all that he has given us.  And we pray that we may enjoy the Christmas season focused on Jesus, showing love, compassion, understanding, patience and generosity to each other.

Obviously my kids are still young, and this is what works for them right now based on their ages.  I am sure we'll be changing things up each year as they get older.  I love to adopt new family traditions when I hear of great ones from others, so I am sure we'll be adding more to this list.  Whatever your Christmas traditions, may you remember the Christ always.  Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!  God Bless.