As a mother of two young children, I don't have much uninterrupted time -- if you are a parent, I know you can relate. I used to think that prayers could only be done behind closed doors, on our knees, in complete silence. As I've grown in my faith, I have learned differently. I have learned to use the ordinary moments of each day to pray and praise. I keep a journal handy where I write down the things I'm praying about for myself, my family, or others and how these prayers have been answered. It's a long list, but writing it down helps me not to forget. Sometimes I even just "read" my prayers. While doing my daily activities I multi-task by also praying silently about entries from the list. For example, I will pray while washing the dishes, cooking, showering, driving, or watching the girls play. My husband compares it to exercising. If you don't have 20 or 30 minutes of uninterrupted time, then do a minute here and there and when you can. I do not usually like to exercise, but since I have been trying to lose weight I have been trying to get my exercise in during moments of play with my daughters (e.g., doing squats holding them or running around the house and dancing). They think I'm just playing but I know that I'm also trying to kill two birds with one stone. Praying throughout the day works the same way. All the moments of praying will add up. Any prayer time is better than no prayer time. It doesn't matter if your eyes are open or you are standing instead of on your knees. The Lord hears all of our prayers. Of course the best and most intimate times of prayer are when you can find that quiet time to do it without interruption. Whether it is in the evening when the kids go to bed or early in the morning when the house is still asleep, I encourage you to find that time. But if you can't, it's good to use all the little moments. Prayers are always powerful, regardless of when they occur in the day and they are still answered, as long as they are said with faith and belief: "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer. (Matthew 21:22)."
I have noticed that if I spend my day praying and praising the Lord, my day just goes alot better! In previous posts I told you that I am a Type A control freak. What that means is that I have a tendency to get anxious, frustrated, and irritable when things do not go the way I want them to. When I catch myself start to feel that way, I simply pray: "Lord! Please help me! Help me to be patient, to not let this bother me." Times when I'm exacerbated with my children, I also pray silently, "Please help her eat quickly! But most of all, give me patience with her!" "Lord, guide me to discipline appropriately!" "How should I answer this question? How do I use this as a teaching moment?" "Lord, please still my hand, keep me from saying awful things I will regret." Everyday moments like these when I turn to prayer, I immediately feel a peace and an end to my frustration and I praise Him for answering my prayer, however petty. A little anecdote from today: There were contractors re-staining our deck so I could not let the dog out in the backyard as I usually do. Our dog is sweet and we love her, but she definitely needs a refresher course in obedience. I started to feel myself getting tense and annoyed. I had to put on her leash and also put shoes on the girls and take them outside with me for an impromptu walk. I was holding onto the dog who was pulling hard, while also trying to help my youngest daughter down the front steps. My neighbor said "hi" but I couldn't even respond at first because I was feeling exacerbated and struggling with each step down the stairs. So I silently said a little prayer, "Help me to calm down, please Lord." And after a minute or so, I was able to. We accomplished the task at hand without me snapping as I am inclined to do. There are times when I forget and don't turn to prayer, and those are the times when I feel my frustration grow and turn into an anger that does not go away until I turn the feelings over to the Lord. He hears us always and wants us to come to him for anything and everything.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Phillipians 4:6)"
"Pray in the Spirit on all occasions, with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints (other people). . . (Ephesians 6:18)."
The last part of this scripture also reminds me of one last thing. . . that we need to use prayers to also intercede for others. I'm sure we all know people who are going through hard times, whether they are Christian or not doesn't matter, we should pray for them. And if we tell people we will pray for them, we should continue to pray for them -- at least until we know that the prayer has been answered or the situation has changed. We can even ask others to pray for them also. For the Lord says, "If two of you on earth agree about anything that you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them. (Matthew 18:19)."
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Glimpse of Heaven
We had a great weekend visiting my father's river house. We got to go boating, kayaking, canoeing, fishing, crabbing, jet skiing, and swimming. Being surrounded by the water and nature reminded me of God's majesty and serenity. At one point while watching the sunset, my stepmother commented that it was like seeing heaven. None of us can know what heaven truly will look like. But I believe that God gives us sunsets and surrounds us with natural beauty to give us a glimpse of what it will be like -- only heaven will be infinitely more beautiful.
"It shone with the glory of God, and it's brilliance was like that of a very precious jewel, like a jasper, clear as crystal." (Revelation 21:11)
Below is a picture that I took of the sunset, but I'm not a photographer, so this picture really doesn't do it justice.
"It shone with the glory of God, and it's brilliance was like that of a very precious jewel, like a jasper, clear as crystal." (Revelation 21:11)
Below is a picture that I took of the sunset, but I'm not a photographer, so this picture really doesn't do it justice.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Priorities
Are you a Martha or a Mary? Luke 10:38-41 tells the story of these two sisters and their contrasting approaches to life. Martha was a busy woman who was "distracted by all the preparations that had to be made." She was probably in the kitchen cooking, cleaning, and slaving away to prepare an elaborate feast because Jesus was in the house! If you knew a famous person was going to visit your home, wouldn't you do the same? And even more so for the Messiah! Mary however, simply "sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said."
In pop pyschological terms, you might say that Martha had Type A tendencies. This personality type, as well as it's counterpart, Type B (Mary), was described in the 1950s by Goldstein. This theory has been criticized by modern psychologists and scientists because of methodological errors in the research and lack of construct validity. . . I won't bore you with the details. Nonetheless, I still think this Type A/ Type B personality theory has it's uses today. As a society we like to pigeon-hole people into subtypes, subgroups, and classes because it makes it easier to understand things, compare, contrast, and illustrate. I'm going to try and do that here, so bear with me. This is Wikipedia's description of the two types:
A Type A individual is ambitious, aggressive, business-like, controlling, highly competitive, impatient, preoccupied with his or her status, time-conscious, and tightly-wound. People with Type A personalities are often high-achieving "workaholics" who multi-task, push themselves with deadlines, and hate both delays and ambivalence. In his 1996 book, Type A Behavior: Its Diagnosis and Treatment, Friedman suggests that Type A behavior is expressed in three major symptoms: free-floating hostility, which can be triggered by even minor incidents; time urgency and impatience, which causes irritation and exasperation; and a competitive drive, which causes stress and an achievement-driven mentality. The first of these symptoms is believed to be covert and therefore less observable, while the other two are more overt.
Type B individuals are a perfect contrast to those with Type A personalities. People with Type B personalities are generally patient, relaxed, easy-going, and at times lacking an overriding sense of urgency.
Martha definitely showed hostility, irritation, and exasperation with Mary and Jesus. She says, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself?" Whoa, can you imagine saying that to Jesus? I bet she was pretty competitve with Mary also. She probably thought that the Lord would praise her for a clean house, good meal, and her overall efforts. But he instead praised Mary. He said, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken away from her." But Mary didn't do anything. Yes, she did. She chose to put the Lord first and foremost above all other things. She had her priorities straight.
I don't know about you, but I definitely have Type A tendencies. And like Martha, I very often let the little things get in the way of what is more important. I often focus too much on the details rather than the bigger picture. I am so thankful for my children because they remind me everyday to stop, focus, and reprioritize. For example, just this morning, I was busy trying to get breakfast on the table, get both girls fed, somehow shower and get everyone dressed, pack a lunch for school, and just make it out of the house on time. I sternly reminded my oldest daughter that she needed to start eating and finish quickly (she normally takes forever!) while I shoveled food into my younger daughter's mouth. My 4-yr-old then says to me, "But mommy, we forgot to pray! We have to respect Jesus because we love him!" Oh, how humbling that moment was! She was so right. I try and stop during times of busyness to pay attention to my girls and notice what they are playing with or what they are marveling at in the moment (even if it's just an ant), but sometimes I need a reminder. And lately I've been trying to be better about being in the Word everyday and praying, but I have to admit sometimes I am still too much like Martha. I get preoccupied and I get exacerbated with anyone who gets in the way of my busyness and the tasks that I feel need to be accomplished.
Please don't get me wrong. I am not advocating that everything needs to be dropped. Of course not. Dinner still has to get done, laundry folded, etc. But to be always Type A/ Martha obviously isn't the ideal. If you want science to back you up on this also, research has shown that Type A personality is a risk factor for heart disease because of all the self-induced stress! But to be Type B/ Mary all the time may mean that nothing ever gets done. Afterall, there has to be a balance. I think the lesson, based on the sisters' story, is to focus on the Lord first. Prioritize him. Then everything else -- all other priorities -- will fall into place as they should.
A friend of mine posted this on her facebook page. It is a prayer from MBC's daily devotionals that I think is so pertinent to all of us: "Oh Lord, like Martha, I come to You with guilt because I choose to be busy about things instead of stopping to experience Your presence. I come with disappointment because Your answers or timing are not what I would choose. (Confess the specifics.) Thank You, Jesus, for Your forgiveness and unconditional love. I choose to believe that You can be glorified through this situation in my life: (name the specifics). In Jesus' name, amen."
In pop pyschological terms, you might say that Martha had Type A tendencies. This personality type, as well as it's counterpart, Type B (Mary), was described in the 1950s by Goldstein. This theory has been criticized by modern psychologists and scientists because of methodological errors in the research and lack of construct validity. . . I won't bore you with the details. Nonetheless, I still think this Type A/ Type B personality theory has it's uses today. As a society we like to pigeon-hole people into subtypes, subgroups, and classes because it makes it easier to understand things, compare, contrast, and illustrate. I'm going to try and do that here, so bear with me. This is Wikipedia's description of the two types:
A Type A individual is ambitious, aggressive, business-like, controlling, highly competitive, impatient, preoccupied with his or her status, time-conscious, and tightly-wound. People with Type A personalities are often high-achieving "workaholics" who multi-task, push themselves with deadlines, and hate both delays and ambivalence. In his 1996 book, Type A Behavior: Its Diagnosis and Treatment, Friedman suggests that Type A behavior is expressed in three major symptoms: free-floating hostility, which can be triggered by even minor incidents; time urgency and impatience, which causes irritation and exasperation; and a competitive drive, which causes stress and an achievement-driven mentality. The first of these symptoms is believed to be covert and therefore less observable, while the other two are more overt.
Type B individuals are a perfect contrast to those with Type A personalities. People with Type B personalities are generally patient, relaxed, easy-going, and at times lacking an overriding sense of urgency.
Martha definitely showed hostility, irritation, and exasperation with Mary and Jesus. She says, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself?" Whoa, can you imagine saying that to Jesus? I bet she was pretty competitve with Mary also. She probably thought that the Lord would praise her for a clean house, good meal, and her overall efforts. But he instead praised Mary. He said, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken away from her." But Mary didn't do anything. Yes, she did. She chose to put the Lord first and foremost above all other things. She had her priorities straight.
I don't know about you, but I definitely have Type A tendencies. And like Martha, I very often let the little things get in the way of what is more important. I often focus too much on the details rather than the bigger picture. I am so thankful for my children because they remind me everyday to stop, focus, and reprioritize. For example, just this morning, I was busy trying to get breakfast on the table, get both girls fed, somehow shower and get everyone dressed, pack a lunch for school, and just make it out of the house on time. I sternly reminded my oldest daughter that she needed to start eating and finish quickly (she normally takes forever!) while I shoveled food into my younger daughter's mouth. My 4-yr-old then says to me, "But mommy, we forgot to pray! We have to respect Jesus because we love him!" Oh, how humbling that moment was! She was so right. I try and stop during times of busyness to pay attention to my girls and notice what they are playing with or what they are marveling at in the moment (even if it's just an ant), but sometimes I need a reminder. And lately I've been trying to be better about being in the Word everyday and praying, but I have to admit sometimes I am still too much like Martha. I get preoccupied and I get exacerbated with anyone who gets in the way of my busyness and the tasks that I feel need to be accomplished.
Please don't get me wrong. I am not advocating that everything needs to be dropped. Of course not. Dinner still has to get done, laundry folded, etc. But to be always Type A/ Martha obviously isn't the ideal. If you want science to back you up on this also, research has shown that Type A personality is a risk factor for heart disease because of all the self-induced stress! But to be Type B/ Mary all the time may mean that nothing ever gets done. Afterall, there has to be a balance. I think the lesson, based on the sisters' story, is to focus on the Lord first. Prioritize him. Then everything else -- all other priorities -- will fall into place as they should.
A friend of mine posted this on her facebook page. It is a prayer from MBC's daily devotionals that I think is so pertinent to all of us: "Oh Lord, like Martha, I come to You with guilt because I choose to be busy about things instead of stopping to experience Your presence. I come with disappointment because Your answers or timing are not what I would choose. (Confess the specifics.) Thank You, Jesus, for Your forgiveness and unconditional love. I choose to believe that You can be glorified through this situation in my life: (name the specifics). In Jesus' name, amen."
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Life and Death
I babysat for my friend's two kids (girl, age 4, and boy, almost 2). So it was like having two sets of twins since my girls are 4 years old and 20 months. It was a pretty good day. The kids overall did great, but I am definitely not planning to have four kids of my own anytime soon (unless God has a different plan for us).
Watching all of them play, I thought of life. How full of life they are! They have their whole future ahead of them and, Lord willing, their future will be good, happy, and fruitful.
Watching the children enjoying life, I initially thought, "what a stark constrast it is to watching death." I offered to babysit because my friend was attending an out-of-state funeral. Today I also got an email from a friend whose father just passed away over the weekend. And then watching the news tonight, I was reminded of all the destruction the tornados caused in Joplin, MO, with a death toll of nearly 90. I think death is hard to fathom for most people. It doesn't matter in what form it comes. It's hard for those facing it, and especially for those left behind. I have been to enough funerals to know that Christian or non-Christian alike, everyone mourns the loss of a loved one. I know I have. Over four years ago my grandfather passed away and two years ago my aunt passed away. They were both strong Christians and I know someday I will see them again in heaven. But I have to admit, that being at their funerals was still painful. We all cried and mourned, and continue to feel the loss, although it is easier as time goes on. So, like I said, death is hard for everyone. But the difference I think is in whether you believe that death is the end or if it is just another beginning. Being a Christian, I do believe that my physical death will only be the beginning of my eternal life because of the gift of salvation Jesus gave to all sinners who believe in Him. So I don't believe that I will fear death when it comes to me. But I will have to admit that I will be sad to leave my loved ones on earth even as I rejoice that I will join the Lord in heaven.
Writing all of this makes me remember an anecdote from this morning. My 4 year old daughter usually says whatever is on her mind and often it is the most random thing. This morning she said, "Mommy, did you know that the Easter bunny often skips houses? Like he skipped our house?" Let me give a bit of background so that you understand where this is coming from. Please bear with me. . . You all know how commercialized Christian holidays have become, so there's Santa and the Easter bunny. Anyways, around our household we don't really focus on either of these figures, not because we see anything wrong with them per se, it's just that neither my husband or I grew up believing in them, and so we try to focus on the biblical meaning of these holidays instead. Consequently, my daughter never really heard us talk about an Easter bunny. Her friend asked her a while back if she got an Easter basket from the Easter bunny. My daughter said no, so her friend told my daughter that the Easter bunny must have skipped our house. Now, back to this morning. . . I responded to my daugther, "Well, the Easter bunny didn't really skip our house. You got several Easter baskets, didn't you?" She said, "Yes. But not from him. They were from you and aunties and papapa." Ok, she's a smart one, so I thought a minute more before responding. I didn't want to crush her little 4 year old heart by saying no Easter bunny exists. But I seriously had no clue how to respond. Then I heard in my mind, "Jesus." So, I decided to use this opportunity for a biblical lesson. I say, "You know people talk about Santa Claus alot when it's Christmas? (she nods yes) And what is Christmas really about? (she says, Jesus was born). Yes, exactly. He was our first Christmas present. And Santa Claus is just Jesus's helper to remind everyone that Christmas is about giving. (ok. mom. but. . .). And well, the Easter bunny is kinda like that too. What is Easter about? (she answers Jesus rose again after dying on the cross -- insert proud mama moment here). Exactly. Good job. So, you see, Easter is really about Jesus conquering death and the Easter bunny is like a helper also, just a way for people to remember to celebrate on that day. Do you understand?" She replied, "yes." and then I prayed a silient prayer of thankfulness that I didn't have to continue with further explanations! Ok, not sure if I handled that the best way I could have, but my point in telling the story is to remind myself, and hopefully others out there, that although death is hard, in Christ we have a living savior who has conquered death. So you see, life and death aren't so disparate afterall -- even if they appear to be at first glance.
Watching all of them play, I thought of life. How full of life they are! They have their whole future ahead of them and, Lord willing, their future will be good, happy, and fruitful.
Watching the children enjoying life, I initially thought, "what a stark constrast it is to watching death." I offered to babysit because my friend was attending an out-of-state funeral. Today I also got an email from a friend whose father just passed away over the weekend. And then watching the news tonight, I was reminded of all the destruction the tornados caused in Joplin, MO, with a death toll of nearly 90. I think death is hard to fathom for most people. It doesn't matter in what form it comes. It's hard for those facing it, and especially for those left behind. I have been to enough funerals to know that Christian or non-Christian alike, everyone mourns the loss of a loved one. I know I have. Over four years ago my grandfather passed away and two years ago my aunt passed away. They were both strong Christians and I know someday I will see them again in heaven. But I have to admit, that being at their funerals was still painful. We all cried and mourned, and continue to feel the loss, although it is easier as time goes on. So, like I said, death is hard for everyone. But the difference I think is in whether you believe that death is the end or if it is just another beginning. Being a Christian, I do believe that my physical death will only be the beginning of my eternal life because of the gift of salvation Jesus gave to all sinners who believe in Him. So I don't believe that I will fear death when it comes to me. But I will have to admit that I will be sad to leave my loved ones on earth even as I rejoice that I will join the Lord in heaven.
Writing all of this makes me remember an anecdote from this morning. My 4 year old daughter usually says whatever is on her mind and often it is the most random thing. This morning she said, "Mommy, did you know that the Easter bunny often skips houses? Like he skipped our house?" Let me give a bit of background so that you understand where this is coming from. Please bear with me. . . You all know how commercialized Christian holidays have become, so there's Santa and the Easter bunny. Anyways, around our household we don't really focus on either of these figures, not because we see anything wrong with them per se, it's just that neither my husband or I grew up believing in them, and so we try to focus on the biblical meaning of these holidays instead. Consequently, my daughter never really heard us talk about an Easter bunny. Her friend asked her a while back if she got an Easter basket from the Easter bunny. My daughter said no, so her friend told my daughter that the Easter bunny must have skipped our house. Now, back to this morning. . . I responded to my daugther, "Well, the Easter bunny didn't really skip our house. You got several Easter baskets, didn't you?" She said, "Yes. But not from him. They were from you and aunties and papapa." Ok, she's a smart one, so I thought a minute more before responding. I didn't want to crush her little 4 year old heart by saying no Easter bunny exists. But I seriously had no clue how to respond. Then I heard in my mind, "Jesus." So, I decided to use this opportunity for a biblical lesson. I say, "You know people talk about Santa Claus alot when it's Christmas? (she nods yes) And what is Christmas really about? (she says, Jesus was born). Yes, exactly. He was our first Christmas present. And Santa Claus is just Jesus's helper to remind everyone that Christmas is about giving. (ok. mom. but. . .). And well, the Easter bunny is kinda like that too. What is Easter about? (she answers Jesus rose again after dying on the cross -- insert proud mama moment here). Exactly. Good job. So, you see, Easter is really about Jesus conquering death and the Easter bunny is like a helper also, just a way for people to remember to celebrate on that day. Do you understand?" She replied, "yes." and then I prayed a silient prayer of thankfulness that I didn't have to continue with further explanations! Ok, not sure if I handled that the best way I could have, but my point in telling the story is to remind myself, and hopefully others out there, that although death is hard, in Christ we have a living savior who has conquered death. So you see, life and death aren't so disparate afterall -- even if they appear to be at first glance.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Speeding things up
Church today was extra special and meaningful. We were accompanied by a dear cousin. It had been a long time since she had attended church. And well, our church doesn't resemble the typical church. We attend one of the campuses of McLean Bible Church, so the building we meet in used to be an office building and is very modern looking (e.g., no stain glass windows, no alter, no pews). A live band plays praise and worship music that could be considered Christian rock, and the sermon is broadcasted live (or with a slight delay) from the main campus onto big screens. I had been looking forward to her coming with us for weeks, but I fretted about whether this was the right atmosphere to reintroduce her to church. I worried about what the sermon would be about, hoping it would be something that she could relate to. Then I realized there was no need to worry! God's in control! So before leaving the house this morning, I just dropped to my knees and prayed that today's experience would be a good one for her and that she would be reminded of God's love for her. And let me tell you, God answers prayers! I could not have asked for a better day for her to visit. It began with the baptism of two school-aged children, so young, yet so eager to put their faith in Jesus and so sincere about their love for him. The music was wonderful and I felt goose bumps and the presence of God there among us while we worshiped. The sermon was so powerful and really pertinent to everyone from seekers, new believers, and long-time Christians who still have room for growth. Lon Solomon (the senior pastor of MBC) talked about change in Christ and used the example of the Apostle Paul. Paul encountered Jesus on the road to Damascus and changed his life around and became one of leaders of the early church and preached the gospel everywhere. Lon went on to show us the story of Dwayne Wade's mother to illustrate that change in Jesus is as real in today's modern world as it was 2000 years ago. I don't know anything about basketball, but apparently Wade is a big All-Star or something. Anyways, the point is that his mother used to be a drug addict and a dealer, and was in and out of prison. One day she walked into a church and found Jesus. After that she changed her life completely and even got ordained as a Baptist minister. Dwayne Wade used some of his money to buy her a church and today she preaches the Word and uses her life as an example of God's grace. This story brought tears to our eyes as we sat there and listened. God is so good and true change is possible through faith in Jesus. "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, and the new has come (2 Corinthians 5:17)."
While sitting there I had to smile to myself also. "Ok, Lord. I get it. Change. That seems to be the theme lately." If you don't already know, when God really thinks something is important, he repeats it again and again in the Bible to make the point very clear. And I believe he does that in our lives to. It's what any parent who truly loves their children would do to teach them an important lesson. Here I sat, with my cousin beside me, praying that the story would resonate with her, and realizing that God was speaking to me too. Lon continued the sermon by applying the lesson to those of us who already believe but who need further growth. We are already new creatures in Christ, but sometimes old habits die hard. Remember my last post and how I said sometimes my temper and impatience get the better of me still? Yup, God was reminding me of that. Sitting there, I felt him challenging me to speed up the process that began 8 years ago. Luckily, today's sermon gave me the formula to do so: (1) practice spiritual disciplines; (2) practice obedience to God -- don't argue with him, just trust him and be a "living sacrifice" (Romans 12:1); (3) and serve God with "fervor" and "zeal" (Romans 12:11). And I also realized, this must be why I felt compelled to start this blog. It's a way to hold myself accountable for being in the Word everyday; to seek God's presence; to recognize his hand in my everyday life; to practice my obedience to him; and in the process, serve him through sharing my story.
Today's sermon hasn't been posted yet online, but should sometime tonight or tomorrow. So follow this link to get it then: http://www.mcleanbible.org/pages/page.asp?page_id=84375
While sitting there I had to smile to myself also. "Ok, Lord. I get it. Change. That seems to be the theme lately." If you don't already know, when God really thinks something is important, he repeats it again and again in the Bible to make the point very clear. And I believe he does that in our lives to. It's what any parent who truly loves their children would do to teach them an important lesson. Here I sat, with my cousin beside me, praying that the story would resonate with her, and realizing that God was speaking to me too. Lon continued the sermon by applying the lesson to those of us who already believe but who need further growth. We are already new creatures in Christ, but sometimes old habits die hard. Remember my last post and how I said sometimes my temper and impatience get the better of me still? Yup, God was reminding me of that. Sitting there, I felt him challenging me to speed up the process that began 8 years ago. Luckily, today's sermon gave me the formula to do so: (1) practice spiritual disciplines; (2) practice obedience to God -- don't argue with him, just trust him and be a "living sacrifice" (Romans 12:1); (3) and serve God with "fervor" and "zeal" (Romans 12:11). And I also realized, this must be why I felt compelled to start this blog. It's a way to hold myself accountable for being in the Word everyday; to seek God's presence; to recognize his hand in my everyday life; to practice my obedience to him; and in the process, serve him through sharing my story.
Today's sermon hasn't been posted yet online, but should sometime tonight or tomorrow. So follow this link to get it then: http://www.mcleanbible.org/pages/page.asp?page_id=84375
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Reflection in the mirror
In my earlier post I said that I have been transformed in Christ. But change and transformation is an ongoing process, and it does not mean perfection. How I wish it did! Unfortunately, I am still a hopelessly flawed individual (more on that later). But for now, let me talk of change. The biggest and most immediate change that I noticed in myself was that the darkness lifted and I felt a peace and love that I had never known when I accepted Jesus into my heart. And that chipped away at all the walls that I had put up to protect myself. God loved me so much he sent his only son to die for me on the cross, to redeem me of my sins. He forgave me and freed me from the chains I had enforced on myself. The skeptics out there may ask, how did I know this peace and freedom was from my new-found faith? I knew because I had tried everything else to fill my heart and my life. I even studied psychology, going so far as doing all requirements for a Ph.D except for internship and dissertation. I was attracted to the field because I was looking for a way to fix myself, to find some magic cure for the depression that was slowly eating away at my soul. I would not have admitted it back then, but all emphasis on research, classes, and clinical work was just a way to distract myself from my own problems. It was easier to focus on other people's issues and fix them then look at my own reflection in the mirror. What I am saying is not meant to devalue psychology or the wonderful work that many therapists do. This is only my personal experience I am talking about.
After a few years in grad school, I became so depressed I sought out psychotherapy and was prescribed antidepressants. This all helped a little, but the loneliness and the void were still there. This is when the Lord decided to intervene with the force of a sledge hammer! Oh, I am so grateful he did! So let me backtrack a little and explain: I had been going to church with my boyfriend at the time (now my husband), but I had not been ready to fully commit my life to Jesus. I was still skeptical. In winter of 2003, I became suddenly stricken with a mysterious ailment. I was in extreme pain, was in and out of the hospitals for tests, and seeing different specialists. Finally, I was diagnosed with Trigeminal Neuralgia. Look it up if you are curious. But this is what Wikipedia says:
Trigeminal neuralgia (TN), tic douloureux[1] (also known as prosopalgia,[2] the Suicide Disease[3] or Fothergill's disease[4]) is a neuropathic disorder characterized by episodes of intense pain in the face, originating from the trigeminal nerve. One, two, or all three branches of the nerve may be affected. It is "one of the most painful conditions known to humans, yet remains an enigma to many health professionals."[5] This pain may be felt in the ear, eye, lips, nose, scalp, forehead, cheeks, teeth, and/or jaw and side of the face; some patients also experience pain in their left index finger.[6] Trigeminal neuralgia (TN) is not easily controlled but can be managed with a variety of treatment options.[7] It is estimated that 1 in 15,000 people suffer from trigeminal neuralgia, although the actual figure may be significantly higher due to frequent misdiagnosis. In a majority of cases, TN symptoms begin appearing after the age of 50, although there have been cases with patients being as young as three years of age. It is more common in females than males.[8]
I was told it is a chronic condition and there was no real cure. I was in so much pain I became bedridden, taking pain killers which made me even more disoriented. I withdrew from the semester. I stopped seeing friends. Believe it or not, I even stopped showering for a time because the water in the shower actually made my face hurt! I can go on and on, but I won't bore you with all the details. What I will say is that during that time I felt broken and defeated -- body, mind, and soul. And that is when I cried out for the first time to the Lord and he answered me and comforted me. And that is when I began reading the Bible. One day after doing so and laying in bed, I said a silent prayer for Jesus to come into my heart. And I've never been the same again. What of the illness you say? After a couple of oral surgeries to remove wisdom teeth that may have been impacting the nerves, I was back in the hospital again because of a major infection. I prayed, "Lord, please take this away from me! I have had more than I can bear!" And he answered my prayer! The disease disappeared following a root canal! No other way to explain it!
Now fast forward to 2011. Now a Christian, my values, my priorities, and my attitudes have changed. I see things differently than I once did. But every now and then remnants of my old self will come out. I still have a quick temper (which I am working on) and I am very impatient (working on this too). This morning I found myself getting impatient and responding sharply to my husband. We were planning on going out to eat for lunch, but between getting the girls ready and waiting on him to finish what he needed to do, it got closer and closer to nap-time. My youngest daughter was sick and cranky, and I was getting very annoyed. We ended up scratching the whole idea, but I had already snapped. And my dear husband quite rightly told me that I had immense patience for everyone else, but not my own family. He reminded me that I needed to look in the mirror. I became so angry! And when I am angry I cry. I don't know why, but I do. And my poor daughters were witnessing this. So I excused myself and went upstairs and prayed. I prayed for the Lord to help me fix things. What went wrong? What happened? After a few more minutes of prayer, God led me to an answer. I went downstairs and apologized for losing my temper and for my impatience. And I used the opportunity to teach my older daughter a lesson in humility, and to let her know that even when Mommy and Daddy fight, we still love her and each other. But the biggest lesson of all is that we can forgive one another of our faults, as God forgave us ours. And we went on to have a splendid day!
So as you can see, my transformation began when I accepted Christ into my heart in the spring of 2003. But that process is still ongoing. Divine intervention brought me to Christ in the form of illness and then miraculous cure. And today, divine intervention again reminded me about humbleness and seeking forgiveness and how to look into the mirror to check myself and recognize that although I have come a long way, I still have a long way to go.
Ephesians 12
"In Him and through faith in Him we may approach God with freedom and confidence."
Colossians 3:13
"Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."
After a few years in grad school, I became so depressed I sought out psychotherapy and was prescribed antidepressants. This all helped a little, but the loneliness and the void were still there. This is when the Lord decided to intervene with the force of a sledge hammer! Oh, I am so grateful he did! So let me backtrack a little and explain: I had been going to church with my boyfriend at the time (now my husband), but I had not been ready to fully commit my life to Jesus. I was still skeptical. In winter of 2003, I became suddenly stricken with a mysterious ailment. I was in extreme pain, was in and out of the hospitals for tests, and seeing different specialists. Finally, I was diagnosed with Trigeminal Neuralgia. Look it up if you are curious. But this is what Wikipedia says:
Trigeminal neuralgia (TN), tic douloureux[1] (also known as prosopalgia,[2] the Suicide Disease[3] or Fothergill's disease[4]) is a neuropathic disorder characterized by episodes of intense pain in the face, originating from the trigeminal nerve. One, two, or all three branches of the nerve may be affected. It is "one of the most painful conditions known to humans, yet remains an enigma to many health professionals."[5] This pain may be felt in the ear, eye, lips, nose, scalp, forehead, cheeks, teeth, and/or jaw and side of the face; some patients also experience pain in their left index finger.[6] Trigeminal neuralgia (TN) is not easily controlled but can be managed with a variety of treatment options.[7] It is estimated that 1 in 15,000 people suffer from trigeminal neuralgia, although the actual figure may be significantly higher due to frequent misdiagnosis. In a majority of cases, TN symptoms begin appearing after the age of 50, although there have been cases with patients being as young as three years of age. It is more common in females than males.[8]
I was told it is a chronic condition and there was no real cure. I was in so much pain I became bedridden, taking pain killers which made me even more disoriented. I withdrew from the semester. I stopped seeing friends. Believe it or not, I even stopped showering for a time because the water in the shower actually made my face hurt! I can go on and on, but I won't bore you with all the details. What I will say is that during that time I felt broken and defeated -- body, mind, and soul. And that is when I cried out for the first time to the Lord and he answered me and comforted me. And that is when I began reading the Bible. One day after doing so and laying in bed, I said a silent prayer for Jesus to come into my heart. And I've never been the same again. What of the illness you say? After a couple of oral surgeries to remove wisdom teeth that may have been impacting the nerves, I was back in the hospital again because of a major infection. I prayed, "Lord, please take this away from me! I have had more than I can bear!" And he answered my prayer! The disease disappeared following a root canal! No other way to explain it!
Now fast forward to 2011. Now a Christian, my values, my priorities, and my attitudes have changed. I see things differently than I once did. But every now and then remnants of my old self will come out. I still have a quick temper (which I am working on) and I am very impatient (working on this too). This morning I found myself getting impatient and responding sharply to my husband. We were planning on going out to eat for lunch, but between getting the girls ready and waiting on him to finish what he needed to do, it got closer and closer to nap-time. My youngest daughter was sick and cranky, and I was getting very annoyed. We ended up scratching the whole idea, but I had already snapped. And my dear husband quite rightly told me that I had immense patience for everyone else, but not my own family. He reminded me that I needed to look in the mirror. I became so angry! And when I am angry I cry. I don't know why, but I do. And my poor daughters were witnessing this. So I excused myself and went upstairs and prayed. I prayed for the Lord to help me fix things. What went wrong? What happened? After a few more minutes of prayer, God led me to an answer. I went downstairs and apologized for losing my temper and for my impatience. And I used the opportunity to teach my older daughter a lesson in humility, and to let her know that even when Mommy and Daddy fight, we still love her and each other. But the biggest lesson of all is that we can forgive one another of our faults, as God forgave us ours. And we went on to have a splendid day!
So as you can see, my transformation began when I accepted Christ into my heart in the spring of 2003. But that process is still ongoing. Divine intervention brought me to Christ in the form of illness and then miraculous cure. And today, divine intervention again reminded me about humbleness and seeking forgiveness and how to look into the mirror to check myself and recognize that although I have come a long way, I still have a long way to go.
Ephesians 12
"In Him and through faith in Him we may approach God with freedom and confidence."
Colossians 3:13
"Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."
The call to write.
It is midnight. What am I still doing up? The usual answer would be that I have trouble sleeping, so I'm a night owl. Well, tonight this isn't the full answer. I'm up and writing because I'm feeling compelled to do so. If you are reading this, I do not know, or assume to know, the status of your faith. I do not know if you believe in God or his son, Jesus Christ. What I can tell you is that over 8 years ago I came to know them both intimately and this truth alone has transformed my life. Long story short, I used to be an athiest and now I am not. I used to be clinically depressed and now I am not. Now I have hope. I used to be so fearful and now I'm being bold and putting myself out there. It will sound cliche for me to say that I am a changed person, but it's the truth. Knowing Christ, trusting, and loving Him has transformed me from the inside out. If you asked me a few days ago if I could see myself as a blogger, I would have adamently said, "NO WAY!" Yet, here I sit typing away when the rest of the household is sound asleep. I'm writing because - crazy as it sounds - I've felt the Holy Spirit urging me to do this the past couple of days. And as usual, my response is, "Why? Why me? Why now? I couldn't possibly!" If I have learned anything over the past few years, I have learned that if I put my faith and trust in Him, He never steers me wrong. The problem is that I don't always want to give up control of my life. Yes, I'm a control freak. But I have found that when I finally give up the reigns, God has used me in amazing and unexpected ways. So here I am, not sure exactly why I'm being prompted to do this blog. I prayed about it, and kept hearing, "Trust me! Let go! Trust me! Do it and see my glory unfold." And so I signed up for an account and started typing. . . And I prayed some more about what the title of this blog should be. I was playing around with Faith and Motherhood, Tales from the P- Household, and other not so creative names. But then like a whisper, I heard, "Divine Intervention." And I just had to smile. Ok, I get it. Yes, it was divine intervention that brought me to Christ to begin with. It is divine intervention that I make it through each day with my sanity intact while navigating motherhood. Seriously! Those of you who are mothers know what I'm talking about. Whether you are a SAHM or working mom, you know that it's an exhausting and challenging job -- thankfully it's also rewarding! But Divine Intervention is so fitting because that's what this blog is about -- or will be about, I guess. Afterall, if it were up to me alone I would not be doing this. But a divine hand is urging and calling me to write about my spiritual journey and how I balance that with my everyday tasks of wife and mother. So we'll see where this goes!
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philillipians 4:13)."
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philillipians 4:13)."
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