2013 has been an extremely difficult year -- perhaps one of
the hardest I have had to experience.
Not just because of the circumstances I will share in a moment, but
because for the first time I really felt that I was in the middle of spiritual
warfare -- which is so real!
Coming out of 2012, the year began with my husband still
working 80 plus hours a week. I was
weary and overwhelmed, feeling like a single parent most of the time. I had three girls to tend to on my own and there
were days I felt so alone and so ill equipped.
Self-doubt plagued me constantly.
In May one of my uncles passed away unexpectedly from
cancer. He was a missionary in Malaysia
and had to return to the states due to the pain and within weeks he died.
That summer, I also began to realize that my oldest
daughter, Arianna (who is 7 years old now), was having fever episodes every 3-5
weeks. We began seeing a pediatric rheumatologist and we had several blood
tests to rule out various illnesses. Ultimately
she is now diagnosed with a periodic fever syndrome.
Also over the summer our water heater broke in the basement.
. . Then pipes in our storage area leaked. . .
Then our dishwasher broke. . . The extensive water damage revealed new and pre-existing
mold issues in our home. We live in an
small townhouse, yet for nearly 5 months we were without a basement and for
over two months we were without a functioning kitchen.
September came and school, CBS, and extracurricular
activities were starting up for the year, but this was when the unspeakable
happened: my nephew, Nathan, started to have seizures. . . Everything began
happening so fast. One day he was a
normal kid, the next day he was diagnosed with an extensive brain tumor. Then he had surgery, had a stroke, and experienced hemi-paralysis.
. .
During this time, my mother-in-law, father-in-law, and my
husband's grandmother started to have health issues that caused them to go to
the ER several times. And a few days
before Christmas we found out that my father-in-law indeed has cancer.
2013 was characterized by crisis after crisis. And it truly felt as though we were under
attack from outside forces. In the midst
of them, I recognized that the enemy was trying very hard to undermine my faith
and testimony for the Lord. Tentacles of
darkness and depression kept trying to ensnare me and drag me down, and the
enemy kept whispering doubt and fear into my heart. But
God used even those moments to bring me closer to Him rather than let the enemy
win. I grew leaps and bounds in my faith walk and
learned to put on my spiritual armor each day so that Satan's darts did not get
to me. So, yes, 2013 was a difficult
year, but God used all those circumstances to grow me. It was as though I was living out the truth
of Romans 8:28, "That in all things God will work for the good of those who
love him, who are called according to his purpose."
For example, God used the situation with my husband's overly
demanding job to teach me how to fully lean on Jesus, rather than on my husband,
to give me the extra strength that I needed to tend to three girls alone. I clung to 2 Corinthians 12:9; "My grace
is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." I am weak, but God is strong. Family time was rare and precious and we
learned to cherish it. The Lord also used
that undesirable job as a stepping stone for my husband to obtain a better and
much more flexible position which he is in currently, allowing us more
family-work-life balance. And we praise
him for that.
My uncle's death was a shock even though I was not overly
close to him. Nevertheless, I admired
and loved him. I think God used that
situation to draw the family on my mother's side back together again. Prior to that there had been much conflict.
During Arianna's fevers, I began to realize that perhaps it
was her body's way to rest and slow down.
And God used that situation to remind me of the meaning of Psalm 46:10, "Be
still, and know that I am God." The
root of the word used for Be Still
also means to Cease Striving. God used this situation to remind me about
the importance of ceasing to strive for control and do everything myself. I need to stop and rest in Jesus, and to
accept his offer to help shoulder my burdens.
I needed to learn this as our year only got more and more overwhelming.
With our house falling apart one room at a time, and having more limited space than usual, God
taught me to live with less. At one
point we only had our bedrooms and a small living room space for the children
to play in, and yet somehow, that was enough.
It was all that was needed. We
had dreams that someday we would be able to move to a bigger home, but I
realized that isn't the important thing anymore. God's grace is sufficient wherever we
are. He taught me appreciation and gratitude
for where he has placed us. I learned to
really appreciate the small and little things.
If someday we get a bigger home, great, but if not, it is ok.
And what can I say about Nathan's experience that I haven't
already said or shared to many of you? Although
it was the lowest point of our year, it has also been the absolute crowning
jewel of God's work in my life this year (and perhaps the lives of others too). All the difficult circumstances leading up to
it, pounded God's promise of Romans 8:28 into my heart, "And we know that
in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who are called
according to his purpose." Despite
our heartache we have seen God's glory. So many lives have been reached, inspired, and
touched in innumerable and immeasurable ways through this situation with Nathan. So many doors have opened for me personally,
and for others, to share the gospel. And
it is not our work, but the Lord's. Nathan
for the moment is doing well (Praise the Lord). There is still some of the tumor left, and
God's work in this is ongoing, but we trust in Him always.
In fact, Nathan's situation has prepared us for what is to
come as my father-in-law fights cancer.
He said himself how Nathan's situation has inspired them and that they
see that nothing is impossible for God, and that so much good can come from
something so tragic.
So going into 2014, I do hope that it will be a better year
than last. But if it isn't, I know it
will be ok. I know that God is in
control and whatever happens, it will be for good. I
encourage you, as the new year starts, to look back at last year and think about how God has used
the circumstances in your life to mold and shape and grow you. I have learned that there really are no
coincidences with God. Either he puts a
situation in our life, or he allows it -- either way, it is always for a good purpose. Each time you overcome an obstacle or a
trial, God uses it to prepare you for the next.
In this world there will always be trouble, but take heart, for Jesus
has overcome the world (John 6:33). So,
as we begin 2014, what have you learned this past year and how can you apply it
and use it for God's glory?
