I could not sleep. I worried about the children, asleep in their rooms. I told my husband I wanted to bring them into our room to be sure they were safe. He responded, "There isn't a point. Things will be fine. If you do that, no one will sleep and you'd still be awake worried. Just trust in God." My temper flared. How dare he insinuate that I did not trust God? I made some awful retort, which he ignored and he went back to sleep. I was furious. How could he sleep through the storm? I was then reminded of Mark 4:37-41:
37 A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped.38 Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”
39 He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
40 He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”
My husband was right. Sure, the storm was awful and loud outside, but I didn't need to fret. We had done our part by planning for the worst with provisions and supplies. Now the rest was up to God. There was nothing else I could control. Bringing the kids to our bed would have in some ways eased my mind, but I still would have been wide awake, restless and worried. God wants us to rest and abide in Jesus, and to rely on Him to calm our fears about the storms of life. Isn't that exactly what I told my children before they went to bed? They were anxious about the storm and I said, "Do not fear. Jesus is in your heart. And mommy and daddy are nearby too." Cara, my three year old, responded, "Jesus will protect us always from the storm!" How wonderful is a child's heart and wisdom! My children understood that they were safe and they slept soundly for the most part.
I was the one who was fearful, just like the disciples on the boat. I realized that the fear masked my larger issue: doubt. God has always been faithful in my life and yet here I was in a storm, worried about what would happen. Humbled, I prayed to God to forgive me for doubting. I prayed for guidance and asked Him if I should bring the children into our room. His answer was, "No, I will keep them safe." Relieved, I continued to pray to keep the rest of our family and friends safe during the storm. I also prayed that I would trust His plans even if disaster happened. And lastly, I prayed that He would give me "peace that transcends all understanding (Phillipians 4:7)" and that he would keep me in "perfect peace because my mind was steadfast and trusting in him (Isaiah 26:3). He was so good and answered my prayers by allowing me to get some sleep. Thankfully we also did not lose power or sustain any damage from the storm.
Yesterday taught me that I am still prone to momentary lapses of doubt and fear. Despite how far I have come in my walk with Christ, I still have a lot further to go. The powerful thing is that with God's Word in my heart, I am able to recall them during these times and to cling to them. God's Word reminds me of his power, his grace, his mercy, his forgiveness, and the strength and peace that only He can give. I recall all the times He has been faithful and all the times He has answered my prayers. I know He is good and his nature does not change. Storms of life will come and go. God allows them to shape our character. The important thing is how we will respond. Will we be fearful like the disciples? Or, will we learn to stay calm by trusting in Jesus whatever happens?
